TaliaM Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 I have been in a friends with benefits relationship with a man who lives in a different city to me for about 2 months now. He lives about 15-30 minutes away from me, and every so often he comes to visit. At the start of the talking stage, I explicitly stated that I didn’t know whether I wanted a relationship yet, and that I wanted to take it slowly, and he completely agreed to that. After meeting for the first time, he told me he has feelings for me. I told him that I wasn’t sure what I was feeling, but we continued to meet anyway, as he assured me he felt fine about everything and that he viewed this purely as a friends with benefits situation. As we continued to meet, I told him I liked him back as well, but that with a busy schedule I didn’t feel like now was the right time for me to have a relationship. However, after seeing each other yesterday, we are now in a relationship. On Saturday night, he told me he was going to see some co-workers, and yesterday I saw him deleting text messages to his friends that were about a girl. When I asked whether he was dating her or anything, he told me no. Only that they were in the talking stage, and that if I hadn’t told him that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, he would have gone on a date with her or something. I accepted his answer and moved on. Last night I couldn’t sleep and somehow put two and two together and got the right answer. When he lied and told me he was going to see co-workers, he went to see her. They slept together, and then not even 24 hrs after he came over to mine and slept with me. I have no right to be angry that he did this, because after all we were just in a friends with benefits situation as far as he knew. But what I am angry about is that he wasn’t at least honest with me from the start, and also that that now potentially compromises my sexual health since he had unprotected sex with someone else and didn’t tell me before he slept with me. What unsettled me more is that throughout the time we’ve been talking, he’s been saying he really likes me and I’ve done my best to reassure him that I really like him too, so I expected some kind of transparency. But he opened up a bit more and told me he’s been talking to lots of different girls in the time we’ve been talking, for lots of different purposes, mostly sexual. Again, I have no reason to be angry, but when I told him at the start that I just wanted to be friends with benefits and that this meant that if he wanted, he could date other people, he told me he didn’t want to sleep with anyone else, and that he’d be more comfortable if I didn’t either. I allowed that, and I haven’t slept with or dated anyone else in the time we’ve been talking. I guess one lesson would be not to stay loyal to one person unless you’re explicitly in a relationship, because the other person definitely won’t, and to not expect honesty. But am I wrong to have expected those things, and to feel a little insecure in my relationship now? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 It's funny but most men in FWB relations don't want the woman having sex with other men. They don't want sloppy seconds and I'm sure neither do you but they don't care. He more than likely told his other FWB's the same thing. I wouldn't really trust this guy. What made you change you mind in one day that now was the time to get in a relationship with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 37 minutes ago, TaliaM said: I guess one lesson would be not to stay loyal to one person unless you’re explicitly in a relationship, because the other person definitely won’t, and to not expect honesty. Sorry to hear this. The lesson, actually is to be clear and decisive on what you want. When you reject relationships and accept FWB, you lower the standards. When you engage in nebulous relationships in terms of sexual exclusivity and feelings, it's a recipe to get burned. Next time, know what you want and have the exclusive talk before sex, if that's what you want. The Most important person to expect honesty from is yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 FWB=anything goes, unless specifically stated and mutually agreed upon otherwise.  How do you know it was unprotected with the other woman? Have you two used protection every single time?  Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 1, 2020 Share Posted December 1, 2020 Once you chose to do fwb you know you have no say about other stuff other then sex. And you are signing up for being hurt! Mamy say oh there are no feelings involve... Well to open your legs😋, you gotta have feelings.Or atleast feel atractive to one another.Sex involve feelings.Unless its rape. You are mad alot in this post.You must got feelings/liking him to be emo. Man can sleep with you more easyband forget you same day.Women are more emotional.We gi by emotions first more. If you want something nice and clear, chose the way of dating and get the respect of being someone gf atleast first. Because in fwb its like you have no say and you can easily be use and play with ways you dont like. You always got the power to break it of and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts