JLAT Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Last January I found out that my wife of 20 years had a one time sexual affair with my cousin who was like a brother to me. He was also the best man at our wedding. As soon as I found out I got a lawyer and started the divorce process. I told my parents that she cheated on me, but not with who. Covid then hit and put stop to the divorce. I am still living at home with her and our 2 kids. I still love her and this may sound crazy, but I do not want to get divorced but I have to get divorced. What I mean by this is that I cannot get over what she has done and especially with who. My parents are pushing for the divorce telling me that once your spouse cheats on you it is over. I keep going back and forth on to stay or leave. At times I want to stay but then I think about what she has done and with who and then I want to leave. I feel if I get divorced I will never be able to get over her or our relationship. This is driving me crazy. I also know that if I were to stay, my parents hate her now and they will forever get on my case for being an a**h*** for staying with someone who has cheated. I wish I never told my parents what she did, but I had no one else to talk to. The only person I was closest to was my cousin which who she cheated on me with. This is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Have you spoken to your cousin? Do your parents know about that aspect of the cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JLAT Posted November 30, 2020 Author Share Posted November 30, 2020 I have had no contact with him, nor do I want to right now. He is a narcissistic sociopath and I cannot have that drama. What do you mean by aspect? My parents know she cheated, just not with who. That would destroy my family and my fathers relationship with his brother. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) Was this affair recent? How long was it? What was her reasons? Does she want to reconcile? Are they still seeing each other? Not all marriages need to go right to divorce. If this is something that can be worked through with counseling why not try? Edited November 30, 2020 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 30 minutes ago, JLAT said: That would destroy my family and my fathers relationship with his brother. Why would your uncle be blamed for your cousin's cheating? When it comes to family gatherings everyone is going to know something is up when you two don't even look at each other. They will find out eventually. Both the cousin and her need to own it. He disrespected your marriage and your whole family as well as she. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Is your cousin married or has an SO? What has your wife done to convince you that she doesn't want the divorce? Is she truly remorseful or sorry she got caught? Or did she confess? Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 Whatever you do, make sure it's for you not for your parents or anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 I am sorry you are going through this. Many couples survive cheating they just don't talk about it, they keep it to themselves. Before deciding anything I suggest you go to therapy and talk about what brought this infidelity on. A therapist will help you work through the waves of feelings you're experiencing. It's not easy for a man to forgive cheating, it's well known women have an easier time. Nevertheless, it can be done. I have friends who went through cheating and are still happy together 30 years later. As for your parents they'll get over it, you have kids together so I think you should at least consider if it can be fixed. Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted November 30, 2020 Share Posted November 30, 2020 (edited) What to do? - Divorce - Celebrate each year your divorce date, given what happened. - Give your cousin a good "shot de cul". That is, the harder one possible without being invited to jail but not a softer one. - Celebrate each year said "shot de cul" date, as a deserved one beyond debate . Invite me to both celebrations if beer is as good as it should be for such occasions. Edited November 30, 2020 by Uruktopi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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