Is this narcissism

[ben1985]

Hi, long story but iv just been discarded by my girlfriend after 4 months. I'm 35 she's 30. We met on match.com. Anyway in the early stages it was great. Really into each other and seemed to have alot in common. She was talking about going on a date from pretty early on so I tried to arrange it and couldn't get a strait answer from her. Eventually we met up. She looked nothing like her photos and she seemed so childish! Anyway, I persevered as she seemed like a nice person. We decided to make things official after a few dates. During the early stages she would always be talking about sex. Telling me how good she was, sending me nudes and videos etc. Then when we ended up in bed, she was the complete opposite. She didn't have a clue what to do. Didn't bother me but I thought it was strange. 

She has a 5 year old daughter who seems a lovely happy child. 

Then after 3 months of being together things suddenly changed. All of a sudden she wasn't into me as much. Then i found out she was on tinder, badoo and bumble, all with new pictures. I saw that she had been sending inappropriate comments on Facebook to random guys. I tried talking to her but just got oh hes a friend. 

Every convosation was about her and her problems. She would ask how my day was and I would answer then it was strait back to her. All her ex's were a**h***s and ghosted her or abused her. Apart from the very early days, she wouldn't hold down a serious convosation. Certainly not talk about the future. 

I ended up making a fake profile on a dating site and busting her. It was horrible. I showed her the evidence and she just blocked me on everything. Eventually she text saying I was too clingy and that she was going through a hard time. Then a week later she says she wants to be with me but needs time to sort herself out. And on Sunday said she has no time for me. She spends every minute on dating sites. Iv gone no contact now. There's been other guys iv spoken to since that have also had the same from her online. Promising lots of sex but always had an excuse not to meet. Why she met me I'll never know. I'm just hurt but probably had a lucky escape. Is this a sign of narcissism? 

 

Sorry for going on.

Ben

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't seem like you're a narcissist, but rather that you coasted along for too long despite obvious red flags 🚩 and deal breakers.

Don't waste your time proving you're "right" about this, that or the other or waste time catfishing to "bust" someone.

Next time if you don't like the in person date or you see stuff you don't like, cut your losses and move on.

Next time don't drag it out 12 weeks.

[ben1985]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It doesn't seem like you're a narcissist, but rather that you coasted along for too long despite obvious red flags 🚩 and deal breakers.

Don't waste your time proving you're "right" about this, that or the other or waste time catfishing to "bust" someone.

Next time if you don't like the in person date or you see stuff you don't like, cut your losses and move on.

Next time don't drag it out 12 weeks.

No you're absolutely right. I'm not a narcissist but all her behaviours suggest she is, although labels like that get branded around too much. 

[carhill]

Narcissism? IDK. That and other psych dx's are more the purview of a medical professional. Dodged a bullet? Sounds like it. Good information and lessons for the future.

In general, humans are on their best behavior when in limerance or when wanting something from another human. Want could be sex, attention, money, emotional support, social interaction, whatever. For some, especially the damaged or disordered, those 'somethings' are the focus and the other human, as an individual, is irrelevant and easily substituted. You ran into some of that behavior. Good lessons.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, ben1985 said:

No you're absolutely right. I'm not a narcissist but all her behaviours suggest she is, although labels like that get branded around too much. 

Lol, All exes are "narcissists"😂

[Atwood]

NPD is something only a licensed health professional can diagnose, but you can probably spot some tendencies there for sure. The only thing that matters is you've learned some signs for who-not-to-date. Take those forward and run if you meet anyone like this again. 

Edited December 1, 2020 by Atwood

[Blind-Sided]

What difference does it make?  You were together for 4 months... she was only into herself... she was "Childish"... and she was basically cheating.  

Just walk away.

 

[boymommy]

I have been in quite a few narcissistic relationships and married/divorced one. That being said I'm a little hesitant to really label anyone as narcissistic but I can say some of the qualities sound like it. She could also have some attachment related stuff going on (like avoidant attachment issues) which is why she seems into you one minute, distant the next. Dating sites are very common with people who want to create distance in a relationship as well. Regardless of any label it just sounds like a bad match in general but glad you were able to get out of that situation! Sounds like you did the right thing and she was quite a toxic individual. 

[Fletch Lives]

Sounds more like she was a cheater.....or just never really into you to begin with.

[Ellener]

On 12/1/2020 at 5:34 AM, ben1985 said:

I'm not a narcissist but all her behaviours suggest she is, although labels like that get branded around too much. 

Her behaviours suggest she is dishonest and a serial cheater. Wish her well and stay away from her!

Everyone and his dog seems to know someone with NPD these days, but we all have narcissistic traits. Only a psychiatrist doctor should be labelling anyone NPD. Words bece meaningless when used out of cntext or overused.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

I don't think you're a narcissist, though she did show you early on that you two aren't compatible. Your response to that was to get into a relationship with her. Get to the root cause of why you made that choice, so that you won't repeat it in the future with another incompatible woman.