A question for WS

[pepperbird2]

A question for WS,

If your affair ended and you reconciled, how do you feel about your spouse that you cheated on? Are you truly sorry, or do you just say that to placate your BS? If you did feel true remorse, why? Did it take you a while to get there?

We don't talk about my husband's affair very much anymore, but sometimes, the subject comes up. We were talking about a guy he works with who found out his wife had been in an online affair and how hurt he was. My husband , who usually isn't good at talking about how he feels, mentioned that it took him a while to really understand the depth of what he'd done. He understood that he'd hurt me and our family, but it took him time to really get it, and it didn't come all at once. he explained that when he got home, and we were able to do things together again, he'd see how I would react to anything that reminded me about the affair. I wouldn't say anything, but he said he could see a hurt look come over my face. I could even be as simple as driving past the movie theatre they'd gone to.

I think that one of the worst parts of the affair, at least for him, was that he let himself down. His dad had cheated on his mom, and he saw what that did to his family. I know it really bothers him still that he went down the same path. No one in his family ever really talked about it, even as adults. It's too bad, because maybe they should have.

 

[Bittersweetie]

I love my husband very much. He is an amazing, strong, kind person and I try to be like him daily. I am so, so thankful that he gave me a second chance and that he worked on our marriage after d-day with me.

I hate what I did to him, I hate that I hurt him so deeply. Hate, hate, hate it. He did not deserve that. I am sorry for what I did, I wish every day that I could take the pain I caused away from him. But I cannot and will never be able to. All I can do is show him that I have his back daily and continue to work on me and us.

I didn't get to this point immediately after d-day...it was a slow, hard path to enlightenment. Honestly, I am even still learning today, ten years later. I see reconciliation as a journey and not a destination. I believe if I am always learning and reflecting then it will be more difficult for me to fall into the narrow mindset I had when I had my affair. It's part of the reason I still post here...to continue to learn.

Hope this helps, just my opinion based on my experience.