Giselle Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Ok, I seriously don't know and I don't feel like I can talk about this with any of my friends. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. He likes to roughhouse a lot--like pinching me, poking me, tapping me on the head repeatedly and REALLY HARD, sitting on me, that sort of thing. He likes to push me around playfully. But I've told him over and over--I don't like it and it really does hurt me. I don't think he's aware of his own strength because he's like twice my size (I'm 5 ft 2 in and about 100 pounds and he's 5 ft 7 in, not sure his weight but he used to box and he's a lot bigger than I am). He leaves little bruises and I have headaches from being rapped on the head so many times. It's embarrassing when he does this in front of people. He likes to restrain me too--like hold me down when I'm trying to leave to go to the bathroom. Today I was trying to leave with my friend and he grabbed my wrist and wouldn't let go for at least 10 minutes. My wrist was all red and my whole arm hurt. I showed him and he said "Well you shouldn't have been struggling." He never does these things maliciously, always when playing around. A few of my friends have asked me if he hits me in private, but I was appalled and said of course not. His friends will tease him about how he "abuses" me. I just don't know anymore...he says that I just need to toughen up. But I don't think this is normal behavior. I've had nightmares about him. At the very least, I think he's being disrespectful of my feelings about horseplay. I don't know if this is abuse or not and I don't want to, you know, air out our dirty laundry by talking it over with my friends (which is why I like this forum). I'm not sure what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
bunnzy Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 You dont have any brothers do you? You need to sit down and communicate with your boyfriend that showing 'manly affection' such as roughhousing is acceptable with his mates, but definately NOT his girlfriend. He needs to treat you as if you were made of glass. If he still does it, or gets defensive, he is too immature for you and you should break up with him. If you are scared of your boyfriend and having nightmares that is never a good thing. I hope he will listen to you and change his behaviour. If he really loves you he will respect you. Dont accept anything less. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 This IS physical abuse! It's hurting you, it's leaving marks of abuse, and he doesn't stop when you tell him to. He is violent and is hiding behind the joking ambiance. His friends shouldn't tease you about this, they should take your side very seriously, because you're a victim of abuse. He has no right to misteart you. I believe that even if you would leave him, he might promise to stop, but go back to his old habit later. He is a saddist, there is no doubt about it. If I were you, I would dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 . He likes to push me around playfully. But I've told him over and over--I don't like it and it really does hurt me. I'd say that yes it's abuse because you've already told him that it hurts you, but he hasn't stopped. My wrist was all red and my whole arm hurt. I showed him and he said "Well you shouldn't have been struggling." That answer is very scary. Most men would appologize profusely if they knew they'd hurt a woman, not blame it on her. Your whole posts gives me the creeps, because my father used to do the "playful" abuse thing too when he wasn't being just fat out verbally and physically abusive. Please get out of this relationship. He's already proven that he doesn't respect your boundaries and will blame it on you when he hurts you. If you don't feel like you can leave the relationship yet, ask him to stop once more. If he does it again, LEAVE. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 He's already proven that he doesn't respect your boundaries and will blame it on you when he hurts you. I wholeheartedly agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Giselle Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 Wow, thanks for all your responses. I talked to him again last night, and this time I told him about how my friends really did think that he was hitting me in private. That affected him a lot. I think he really will be more careful now...but your posts did warn me. I think he's just a little immature and (hopefully) not really abusive. I have to see if he goes back to his ways though. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Sometimes guys can be ridiculously thick and, no matter how often you tell them something bothers you, it doesn't sink in. I've seen no end of men dragged on to the Dr. Phil show where the wife tells them for the thousandth time that what they're doing is a serious problem (like the guy who spent all his time at home with his toy car, for instance!) and they only realized the wives were serious because they were sitting on Dr. Phil's stage. Hopefully you got the message through but you're right to watch and if he keeps it up, then it's time to drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts