BaileyB Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: What you seem to be doing is treating chronic depression with the novelty and excitement and the neurochemical responses. The problem is the novelty wears off and you're back to the chronic depression. And she finds herself single, moving further from her goal of a committed relationship... thinking there is something wrong with the relationship, that she is not just meant for a long term relationship, that she will never find what she is looking for... Its impossible for any relationship to maintain the high of the early days or months... research shows, infatuation lasts about 18 months to 2 years. If you end every relationship because the depression sets in when the high wears off, you will find yourself lonely and single - but not because he wasn’t the right guy or you are not able to have a long term relationship. Look inward, don’t look to your partner for your own happiness. Sure, there is happiness to be found in a relationship but if you do not have it yourself first, the relationship will struggle... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 OP, what was your parent’s relationship like? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 OP, perhaps consider that monogamy isn't the best choice for you. Polyamory may better avoid your tendency to boredom after a few years. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 On 12/3/2020 at 1:07 PM, _lovelycat_ said: ... I broke up my last three years relationship a few weeks ago. It was the best relationship I have ever had. I wish I could save this relationship somehow. I believe he will give me another chance if I tell him I have found a way to be happy in our relationship and explain what I am going to do to be happy. Any ideas? It sounds subconscious what you are doing and think a good therapist could help you explore that. My initial lay person guess in these things is when young the relationships you saw modeled around you were dysfunctional, and those that are not full of that "excitement" (drama./tension) may feel dull, after the newness wears off. It is a first step to recognize with your logical mind that something is off, it opens the door to getting a handle on what is driving you subconsciously. I think your plan could work, but also see someone who can help you through this. The therapist may be able also to give him pointers on how he can help you. I thin you'd also have to express that you are genuinely sorry you did this and hurt him, that you are messed up in this regard, and as odd as it sounds it is you not him. His concern will be of course will it happen again? Honestly you may not be able to say no at this time, but you can commit to working on it not happening again, and being open to communication if it starts again. Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted December 5, 2020 Share Posted December 5, 2020 (edited) On 12/4/2020 at 6:39 AM, _lovelycat_ said: I am 41 y.o. Thank you for your thoughts. I do want a commited relationship with the right person, not just anyone, and I choose men carefully. After reading your reply, I asked myself "if the men I dated before were not the right partners for me, then what the right man could be like?" I cannot come up with an image of a man that could be better than the last one. For the two first years, everything was so perfect, I prayed this relationship would work out but it didn't. Cancel Edited December 5, 2020 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted December 6, 2020 Share Posted December 6, 2020 (edited) If you find out, let me know. Always loses interest and therefore incentive to date someone eventually woman checking in. Edited December 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
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