How to stop feeling lonely when your partner works nights?

[GWNN88]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now we are both in our 30s and during the lockdown we was apart for a long time as we both don't live with each other, it really was a test for our relationship and it made us realise we wanted to be together even more, when things got easier with the lockdown i stayed with my boyfriend for 2 weeks and after that he asked me to move in with him. With this i was definitely happy but had to make some life changes as my work and home is south of the river and he is north. I left my work and my home and decided to move in with him, i want to be with him so it was the best choice to make and things were turning difficult at work which made things all fall into place. 

The move and leaving work came around quick and the lockdown 2 happened. So I'm now living with my boyfriend in a one bedroom flat, he works nights but we have always made things work before when i worked mornings so me moving in should be easier right? Well not so much, I'm finding it hard because he goes to work from 10pm till 6am so this means he sleeps during the day now i understand he's got to get his sleep i make sure i don't wake him and give him his space he needs but i just don't understand once he's woken up he's still tired, he will watch a bit of tv and breakfast even though its afternoon time now then he has a nap. A nap? He's been sleeping most of the day and i don't get anytime with him, catch up with him, speak to him he's always tired. I know he works hard bug i also used to work 6am till 2pm travel all the way to see him and come home late and when i was with him yes i was tired but i made sure it didn't show as i wanted to be awake to be with him, but I'm not getting that from him now I'm living with him  he's not making much effort and i don't know if its me making him feel like he doesn't have too. Also I've moved somewhere I'm still getting used too and taking walks alone I'm finding it hard to get used too, normally a move somewhere new should be exciting even during lockdown i know its hard to do things but even worst when you don't know the place and your on your own for most of it.

I was wondering if anyone is in a simular situations or even works nights and can relate just to the way I'm feeling or how my partner is feeling?

I know i need to bring this up with him but i don't like to moan about things also he's never really awake enough to listen after all we know guys don't like "the chat", who does?. 

 

Any insight would be appreciated, thanks for reading. 

[Fletch Lives]

It's tough having somebody who works the graveyard shift. How about getting involved more with your life - friends, family, hobbies, etc?

[GWNN88]

Thanks for your reply, I have been its the only way to keep myself busy, I've been going back to my hometown twice a week to see friends from a distance and my parents who are in my bubble and within this time, I've giving him space when hes awake. I've also made an effort with his family and seeing them from a distance. Im not lonely in a sense with my family and friends just when I'm with him its such a strange feeling. 

[ShyViolet]

How many days a week does he have off?  Do you at least have the same day off each week?  Can you at least plan to spend time together when you are both off?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it seems like a mistake to have moved in and leaving your own life behind.

Now you are unemployed, lonely and homesick .

Who supports you? This much dependency on him financially and for company will soon cause a great deal of friction,  it can start seeming like a babysitting job for your BF.

If you want to stay you'll have to start building up some sort of life for yourself there.

[d0nnivain]

My parents worked shift work.  It was hard.  They often joked that they couldn't get a divorce because they couldn't spend that much time together.  They cherished their time off together & enjoyed it when it happened.  

Part of your loneliness is coming from all the changes in your life.  You need to find a job.  If you could manage to get on where you work nights too that might make things easier.  Even if the schedules don't match at least you will have purpose again.  

[Pumaza]

wear his tshirt😋😂

[DKT3]

I think @dOnnivain nailed it. You actually spent less time with him before,  but now that you are out of your comfort zone you rely so much more on his time. I believe the answer is returning to as much of your old life as possible...find a job, meet new people....avoid males...that could lead to trouble in your current situation. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He needs to find a regular 9-5ish, if this relationship has any hope of lasting.

[d0nnivain]

46 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

He needs to find a regular 9-5ish, if this relationship has any hope of lasting.

Why does he have to change jobs to suit an insecure GF?  Your thinking feels antiquated.  

I firmly believe that if the OP has other things to occupy her time & settle into her new location things will look brighter.  Her BF changing jobs won't fill all the holes in her life.  She has to fill those herself.