What is her game here?

[holms]

I don't want to rehash something from earlier in the year, if you are truly interested then look it up from my profile. Back in May I had a pretty bad breakup with a girlfriend of a year and a half. All broke down to manipulation on her part. Also she couldn't stand my kids mother and hated that I still had contact with her. I tried to work it out but it didn't so I moved on after about a month when I noticed she was posting pics of her and a new man at the resort we used to go to.

Sorry this all got long, but I just needed to vent again..... hahaha.

Back in late June, I decided to ask out a friend of mine from FB. We had a bunch of mutual friends and her humor pretty much matched mine. I had always found her to be attractive and apparently so did she. She invited me to a pool party at her parents house on the weekend of Fathers day but I couldn't attend because I had my kids that weekend. It rained that day anyway and the party was called off. Instead I decided to ask her out on an actual date since she was listed as Single. She agreed within an hour and asked me what took so long.

We met up at a local pub & grill on the 5th of July. Instantly hit it off. Our interests, political views, humor, and attraction just matched almost perfectly. After spending hours just talking I was just about ready to call it a night. I thought the date went well. Apparently so did she.

So, within 2 weeks she asked if she could tag me on FB as "In a Relationship." Kind of childish since I am in my 40's and she is in her late 30's, but I agreed. We also met each others kids. Her daughters (9 & 11) were a bit sketchy of me at first but her son took to me right away. My daughter seemed to be okay with her but she had just turned 16 so she is in that teenage mood anyway, my son however is Autistic and their mother is Bi-Polar and just very difficult to deal with. 2 weeks after that I spent a night at her parents cabin in the country 200 miles away from home. Her dad, son, and herself and I all shot guns on his land and had a great day. The next morning the whole family including her sister & kids, her parents, herself and I all checked into a Water Park Resort for her son's birthday in late July. We had a great 2 and a half days with her and her entire family then her and I had 2 days of our own at another Hotel in town. We met up with a friend of mine in town who was also staying out there and we all had fun that weekend. Apparently my ex from May was stalking my new girlfriends FB because she was also in town at the resort we used to stay at. She asked if we could meet for a drink so my new girlfriend could meet "Mike." More manipulation on her part, and that hasn't stopped ever since. Every 3 weeks or so I will get weird random texts from her, so I finally blocked her completely on EVERYTHING but she has multiple fake FB accounts.

August was great. We were spending A LOT of time together and could barely keep our hands off each other. Then Labor Day happened. I had my kids that weekend but since I didn't have to work that Monday the plan was I would drop them off at 8 like normal then her and I could go out with her sister and a few other friends. I got a call from her at about 6:30ish that 8 would have to be 9. Then 9 became 11. Then she actually pushed for Midnight and I just flat out told her that if it was anywhere after 11 then to just forget it. At 10:50 she text me and told me to meet at her parents house. Now that is only a 10 minute drive for me so I went. When I got there she was pretty drunk and her sister was pretty irritated. We all ate leftovers from that night and my girlfriend actually went and passed out on the couch within 10 minutes. After awhile I just announced that I was going to head out and her sister begged me not to leave. She said that if my girlfriend woke up and I wasn't there then she would be pissed. I said that I really didn't care at that point so she grabbed a few beers and asked me to go out back and talk with her. This is where her sister told me that my girlfriend can be a bit immature at times, but that she has wanted to be with me a while and was very much in love with me. we sat out there for about an hour just chatting and had a few drinks. She convinced me to stay. The rest of September was okay and we even went out to her parent's cabin again one of the weekends.

About early October rolled along and she seemed to be backing off a bit. She began to turn into a flake and would cancel plans pretty much regularly. After one weekend when I got home I just sent her a long text that I am not happy with the way things had been going and that maybe we should just call it quits. She called me almost instantly and said that she noticed it herself but it's not what she wanted either. Sex had dropped off to almost nothing. When I was with her she would be on her phone most of the time. And on a few occasions while I was hanging out with her kids she just walked off into the bed room and went to bed without mentioning anything to me. She again apologized and asked me to come out to her parent's cabin again for a weekend and she would make it up to me. We went and we had a good weekend.

The weekend after on Halloween she asked me to come out to her sisters house which is a 45 minute drive. Told me to be there by 8ish. I didn't get there until 8:30 but she didn't arrive until 11:30 because her and her youngest daughter fell asleep after Trick or Treat. Her sister and her boyfriend, her parent's and 4 of the 5 kids were all there having a fun time before she arrived. If she hadn't have gotten there when she did I was about to leave no matter who said what.

So, most of November was her making and breaking plans almost constantly. I would see her maybe once a week because she claimed she had so much home schooling to do (full virtual in our district because of COVID). One of the nights I did actually go over there, I sat there a good hour before she was able to come hang out with me and it was getting pretty late by that time. She asked me to go out to her parent's cabin again that 2nd weekend in November so we went. The weather was actually awesome and we had a great weekend. We were all over each other like we used to be. She apologized for all her flaky behavior as of late and we just had a good time all weekend with just her parent's a co-worker and her and I. No kids. The next 2 weeks were a whirlwind of drama from the mother of my kids and she started drinking again.... heavily. I let my girlfriend know right away as I didn't hide anything from her and she seemed supportive. The day before Thanksgiving, my ex took out a mailbox with her car and abandoned it at the scene because she was very drunk. My daughter called me and begged me to pick her and her brother up so I did. When I got there my ex's sister pretty much told me that my ex was a lot worse than what I realized at that I need to take the kids permanently for a while. I told my girlfriend that my kids would have to come with me to Thanksgiving at her parents house and she was fine with that. Her parents and sister had all already met my kids and they said "The more the merrier." 

Thanksgiving was a kind of stressful night for me. My ex again went off the deep-end and got into a drunk driving accident and wrecked her car. She apparently picked up her car shortly after I left with the kids after the cops showed up to question her. She was arrested on a DUI Thanksgiving morning. While at my girlfriends parents house my 7 year old autistic son was into everything as it was a new place to him... nothing was child proofed. I had to pretty much monitor him the whole time. I didn't get to spend too much time with my girlfriend but she was okay with that. That following Sunday was my birthday (11/29) and I worked it out with my ex's sister that she would take the kids for the night so I could have the evening. That evening never happened.

My girlfriend broke up with me the day after Thanksgiving. Yes, 2 days before my Birthday. I asked her what her reasoning was and she went on a rant about how my son hasn't gotten the help he was needed and I never put my foot down on my ex. As I had 50/50 custody there was little I could do as I had to work WITH my ex to get these things done and she had primary placement, she would schedule things but never follow through. In a way my girlfriend did have a point, but come on. I did tell her that I had already EMailed my lawyer about the situation and asked for a new stipulation to our court order. But she said it wasn't enough and we just weren't going to work out. So I said fine, hung up the phone, and just unfriended and blocked her on FB. 

Well, that Sunday on my Birthday she called about 8pm to wish me a happy birthday. We talked about an hour. She reminded me that she does love me a lot. She also said that she didn't want to breakup and doesn't want to be without me, but she just can't see us working out in my current situation. I told her "That's fine, I have plenty on my plate at the moment anyway." I also told her that I planned to talk to my Lawyer the following day, which I did, and have her draw up paperwork to grant me 100% custody and placement until my ex finished rehab and gets on her proper medications. I also planned to set up a meeting with my son's school, doctor, and get him an appointment with a Neurological Psychologist for a 2nd opinion on his overall Autism Spectrum. I accomplished all of this last Monday while still going to work. My Son has his Doctor and Psychologist appointment this coming Tuesday.

Well, she has called me every single day since my Birthday just to "Chit chat." I pretty much laid into her Wednesday night. I told her that if she wasn't going to be my girlfriend and partner and support me through all this then there is really nothing to talk about. She told me that all she wants is to see some actions being made before we could "Maybe" talk about us in the future. I said, yeah that's not good enough and told her I had to go to get my son to bed. I also told her I was still pretty pissed off about my birthday and not to contact me unless she wanted to be with me and support me. Also that she had some SERIOUS making up to do and I let her go. She called again the next night at 10:30pm but I missed her call. When I called her back later she was already asleep but she did answer the phone. I could tell she had been sleeping so I told her to go back to sleep and tried to let her go but she kept asking questions about how the meeting with school went. I told her now was not the time and I would fill her in the next day.... but I never did, I was too busy and she was going out with one of her girlfriends that night.

Well, it is now Sunday (12/6) and 9 days after our initial breakup. When I got up this morning I noticed she again called me at 1:20am but I missed her call as I was a sleep. What is this woman's deal? Is she playing games or does she want to be with me still? If she does, she really does have some massive making up to do and changes will have to be made on her end. I did let her know all of that last Wednesday night as well. Part of me does want to be with her because when she is doing good she is great and for the most part we got along so well... most of the time. But another part of me recognizes that she is kind of selfish and spoiled and I am worth more than the bad treatment I have gotten.

Edited December 6, 2020 by holms

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. Can you get full custody with supervised visitation? Should be easy with this latest DUI/arrest incident. Your kids are in serious danger.

Unfortunately the new GF has seen too much drama. That's ok. Worry about  getting your kids away from your ex before she kills them in the car or gets drunk when she's around. What horrifying childhood for them. 

Wait until your kids are in a safer place before you consider dating.

Edited December 6, 2020 by Wiseman2

[holms]

It's just that a month ago when there were signs my ex was starting to get funky, my current girlfriend had told me to do all this and she would support me as she said. Now it's like "Nope, you're on your own, but I still love you." It's frustrating.

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, holms said:

It's just that a month ago when there were signs my ex was starting to get funky, my current girlfriend had told me to do all this and she would support me as she said. Now it's like "Nope, you're on your own, but I still love you." It's frustrating.

Unfortunately way to much ex drama.

You'll have to take full responsibility and custody of your kids and get them out of danger.

She's right to wash her hands of all this. You don't have your kids safety under control.

[holms]

Oh I did that already. I have had my kids full time for a bit now and they are my full priority at the moment. I also have papers for the ex to sign granting me full custody until she can get into rehab. I have taken charge on this one. She has a lot to work through and until she is on her feet I will be a single father.