New 'friend' is draining me and driving me insane - feeling guilty about cutting him loose

[Seymore]

Earlier this year I took up building, fixing and flying drones as a hobby.  4 months ago I met another person who was just getting started flying.  He asked for advice and I gave it to him.  We exchanged contact info so we could meet up to fly.  Now I'm regretting givng him my info - he will NOT leave me alone and I can't seem to get rid of him, and I'm starting to feel guilty the way I'm acting towards him - I just get nastier and nastier.  

He's super reckless - he's high all the time, goes flying, breaks his stuff time and time again and tells me - not asks me - to fix it for him. NEVER have I heard a please or thank you from him.  Then he breaks it all again and contacts me *constantly* - at work, when I'm out with family, doesn't matter - and if I tell him I'm busy, he says sorry but keeps texting.  He doesn't work so he has all the time in the world to bug me.  If I don't respond within half an hour he tells me I'm leaving him hanging.  He takes ZERO initiative in figuring out how to fix his stuff himself and I've been more and more blunt with him to learn to fix it himself.  Then he has the attitude of "ok, I'll fix it myself - walk me through it step by step" so I walk him through it and he doesn't pay attention and just says "can't you just do it?"

Yesterday I blew up at him - long story short, he asked me to walk him through wiring something via text.  I spent an hour going over the wiring diagram (from the actual manufacturer, which was straightforward as possible) with him, and he had the attitude of "I think this diagram is wrong - I'm going to do it my way" despite my warning him numerous times.  I told him he was going to ruin everything that way and he ignored me.  So I lashed out, told him to use his brain for once and stop wasting my time if he's not going to listen.  His response was along the lines of "Boy, I'm concerned about you - you have anger problems and it's like you're a different person".  After that, I simply told him I was done, and to go on an internet forum for advice from now on.  He's texted me plenty since (one is about how I'm treating him like an ex-girlfriend by not responding to him - which is pretty insulting), but I've ignored them all.  

I guess he ended up destroying his drone thanks to his wiring job and wants me to come up with a solution but I'm really ready to just drop him - I just don't care anymore.   I feel like I'm constantly dealing with a small child and it's exhausting.  A couple of other pilots I've met since have cut him off and now I'm realizing why.  Yes, I get that I partially created this monster by helping him in the first place but he does not seem to get a clue.  I tried setting boundaries and that didn't work but I still feel like a jerk even though I feel I shouldn't.

[Watercolors]

Eeek. He sounds like a toxic friend. The way he misdirected his anger (at himself) on to you as though you have an anger problem is super toxic. Or his comment that you are treating him like an ex-girlfriend. Yuck. He sounds really immature, arrogant, and self-centered. 

So he's stoned all teh time, doesn't work, yet has the money to fund a drone flying hobby. Life's rough for him...not. 

You are not a jerk by any means. You tried to set healthy boundaries with this guy and he refused to respect your boundaries, with the constant texting you, calling you all the time. 

You didn't know he was a stage 5 clinger when you gave him your contact information - you thought he was a normal dude. Well, he definitely has some mental health problems if he has to be stoned all day every day, and can't or won't take responsibility for himself or his problems. 

I think you need to do the next obvious step: block his cell phone number, block his email. Hell, change your cell phone number and make it private, and block his email address from your email so his emails just go to your spam folder. 

Don't take on his behavior as your fault in any way. He's a grown dude. He has been like this before he met you. That's probably why he has no friends because he treats everyone this way. 

You need to end this friendship. You can tell him that you need to end the friendship and that he needs to respect that. THEN you delete and block him from reaching out to you on all forms of communication. It's not your job or your role to be his big brother or to parent him. You sound like a good guy with a big heart and he took advantage of that to the nth degree. He is not your problem to solve. End the friendship. For your own mental health sake. And don't feel guilty about it. 

[Seymore]

Yes!  Clingy is the word.  That's exactly what it feels like.  

Thank you so much for reading all of that - I looked at it again just now and thought "Wow, I must have been in a zone".  It's a mess of words but I feel better I got it out, and even better knowing I'm not crazy.  Thank you, Watercolors!

[Watercolors]

5 hours ago, Seymore said:

Yes!  Clingy is the word.  That's exactly what it feels like.  

Thank you so much for reading all of that - I looked at it again just now and thought "Wow, I must have been in a zone".  It's a mess of words but I feel better I got it out, and even better knowing I'm not crazy.  Thank you, Watercolors!

Hey are you welcome, Seymore! We've all been there with stage 5 clinger friends we've had to extricate ourselves from. I sure have. Good luck with that situation!!

[Wiseman2]

You did the right thing cutting him off . Sounds like a dunce 🤡

[Seymore]

Thank you, Wiseman. I had a hard time actually cutting him off, blocking and unfriending him but finally did it this morning. 

I got more messages from him saying he was "genuinely concerned" about me and things of that nature, yet I was also noticing on the internet forum (where he finally asked for help) that things were still going wrong for him with his drone and he wasn't getting fast responses so he kept making threads. So I know he's not concerned about me, he just wants me to fix his stuff again.

What's also interesting is how on Friday I mentioned that I met some other pilots and flew with them for a bit, and he didn't respond to any of my texts for a day and a half like he was mad (he used to message me at least 10 times an hour), but the minute he had a problem with his drone he was all friendly again. Now who's acting like an ex girlfriend, lol...

I swear my blood pressure must have dropped just by blocking him.

[ExpatInItaly]

This person sounds rather emotionally unstable. 

Something is off there, in any case. You are better off not having him in your life. 

[ShyViolet]

Oh my goodness.  You can't be a doormat.  I don't know why you put up with this for as long as you did.  I'm glad you finally blocked him.  Don't waiver; keep him blocked.  Why would you feel guilty???  Life is too short to waste your time on something like this!  

[Seymore]

I'm definitely keeping him blocked.  My blood pressure has literally gone down since I did it.  And I don't feel bad about it anymore!   

 

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Seymore said:

I'm definitely keeping him blocked.  My blood pressure has literally gone down since I did it.  And I don't feel bad about it anymore!   

Excellent. Some people don't intend to be jackasses, they simply can't help it.🦧

[Seymore]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Some people don't intend to be jackasses, they simply can't help it.🦧

Yeah, some people can't help it.  But this dude was relying on me for everything....took zero initiative in learning to do it himself.  I checked on the drone forum to see if he managed to get his stuff fixed and I guess he just quit.  So if I wasn't there to do everything for him and be available every minute of the day, I served no purpose.