Uruktopi Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 26 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Fair enough. As a spouse/partner you can set or attempt to set whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate. Hopefully the partner finds them acceptable. I'm certainly not trying to claim I wouldn't find texts like this a problem - I definitely would. Boundaries MAY be about "whatever". But what I did was to set a criteria, a personal one, about a certain specific kind of them. As you also implicitly did by saying "Not cheating" but from the opposite view, mine. If I found texts like this, I would also find them a problem, but a terminal one. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 You don't have to have sex to cheat 2 Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 The text is clear enough. You've got a serious problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Delgado Posted December 10, 2020 Author Share Posted December 10, 2020 9 hours ago, elaine567 said: We do not KNOW that she flirted with him or that she "allowed" him to make a pass at her. Plenty guys will make passes at women who don't even show any interest... We don't KNOW the context of the text so we don't KNOW if she even met the guy or if he indeed exists... What we do KNOW is that she reacted badly to being confronted. Does that imply guilt? maybe, or is it indignation because being snooped on is an invasion of her privacy or is she just fed up of being accused of cheating ad infinitum by a chronically jealous husband when she knows nothing is going on and so went on the attack... Where did she supposedly meet this guy? Randomly on the street, in a shop, in a bar or club, or did she set up a meet via OLD? or was it just some dream she was describing to her friend as she claimed. WE don't KNOW anything really. Sadly she has not admitted to any place or location I told her for suggestions on this Borum unless she's ready to be honest with me we have nothing to speak about right now Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Uruktopi said: Boundaries MAY be about "whatever"... I don't think you understood what I meant by "whatever". I mean a wide range of boundaries that varies by person/couple. For example, some men are fine with women who flirt heavily with other men, sit on their laps, etc, and don't see it as cheating so long as there is no kissing and such. Others are so damaged and controlling that even talking to other people is seen as a threat and "cheating". Not all boundaries make very much sense. (However, there are those out there who will agree to them, nonetheless.) I'm really not sure why you seem to be questioning my points/arguing. For this post, we both seem to agree it was inappropriate. You feel (I think) it's "more inappropriate" than I do? That's fine, but that's just a matter of opinion. I don't think labeling something "cheating" when it's not makes it cheating. For example, just talking to another person. However, IF the talking is flirtatious or extremely flirtatious, then it becomes more a grey area and subject to interpretation. Some might interpret it as cheating. So, I'm not trying to disagree with your opinion, just speaking from my own perspective on it. The OP can take whatever view makes sense for him, of course. I'll reiterate again that I don't think the text was "just fine" or something I'd tolerate if I was in the situation. I'd be trying to look into it just like OP appears to be. Edited December 11, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
Buffer Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 Strength and stick to the 180. Don’t let her gaslight you. One day at a time. Buffer Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Don't assume much from this. Easy to misread it. She is unlikely to be honest if you ask her but the look on her face might tell you. Reading her texts looks very sneaky. The last words suggest to me that sex with him is on her mind. She thought about it. Maybe they were making out and flirted physically and verbally. I'd be suspicious but still trusting up to a point Link to post Share on other sites
Narie Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) "He made a pass at me BUT " Means she let him flirt with her BUT they didn't have sex. You have to look at BUT - means something happened BUT not sex. So if you are the type that will be okay with her flirting around then no it's not cheating. But if you are the type who is not okay with it then it's cheating cause why would she let him have a pass at her(whatever she means by that) despite knowing she's married. I suggest for you to talk to her about it, who knows... they made have exchange of numbers. Edited December 19, 2020 by Narie Link to post Share on other sites
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