Feeling flat

[Livinit22]

Have been with my partner for four +years. We have lived together three years. He has two children and I have none (can’t have any). I still struggle when the three of them go on holidays without me. I feel left out and not really part of it all. I don’t have a children of my own to do the same. How have others gotten over this, as I know in myself I shouldn’t feel like this as the kids always come first.

[FMW]

After four years together, and especially three of them living together, you shouldn't be excluded from big things like holidays.  What's his reasoning for never including you?

[Livinit22]

It’s shared custody. It’s like a bonding trip for them all. 

[FMW]

You mean the children's mother goes as well?  Or that it's just a bonding trip for him and his children alone, no exceptions?

Either way I doubt many women would be ok being excluded from a big part of his life four years into a relationship.  I'm not sure how it's possible to feel anything other than left out.  

But an option is to always plan a trip yourself when they are going on theirs.  Take fun trips with your friends or family so that you aren't home alone with nothing to do but think about what you're being left out of. 

 

Edited December 8, 2020 by FMW

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, Livinit22 said:

Have been with my partner for four +years. We have lived together three years. He has two children and I have none (can’t have any). I still struggle when the three of them go on holidays without me. I feel left out and not really part of it all. I don’t have a children of my own to do the same. How have others gotten over this, as I know in myself I shouldn’t feel like this as the kids always come first.

My ex husband prioritised his wife over our son. Consequently they haven't spoken in years. All engineered by his new wife's jealousy ( of me, nothing to do with my son, she just manipulated that. Took my son years to recover )

You are a total gem to be so understanding and supportive. 

It's a weird dynamic, especially if their mother is still involved. Don't take it personally.

Make your own relationship with the children if they're open to it is what I'd do.

 

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that . You live together? Make sure you are treated as a partner, not a live in nanny.

He can't have it both ways. Living with you as a partner but excluding you from his life.

How do the two of you get along? 

[Fair]

You feel this way because it's normal. Don't be so hard on yourself. 

It sounds like he's more bonded with his original family...... I think you should leave. He can't put you on a back burner and exclude you and take trips with his ex!