scobro Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Aug 6 I went to work kissed my wife goodbye thinking at any time I might become a father as my wife and I were trying to have a baby.I come back from work and my wife says "we need to talk"She proceeds to tell me that she doesn't love me anymore ,she has no attraction for me and was un-happy with us and our marriage.WTF?I was devastated as she had done the same thing the year before but we went to counseling and worked it out. This year like last year she claims she doesn't know how to communicate her feelings and she keeps it all inside and waits until the feelings have gone then she ends it.She acted happy and everything seemed "normal"but she has decided that she doesn't value marriage like I do and doesn't want to be married to me anymore.She is 37 and this is her 3rd marriage.(I know what you are thinking but I hate to judge people by their past but I guess the past usually repeats).She claims there is no-one else(that is how her 2nd marriage ended she had an affair)and now all she does is go out with her friends and party while I sat at home hurt confused and devastated.I moved Oct 1st into my own place.I do not contact her but she contacts me to see our dogs which I have now and plus she wants to stay in contact with my daughter her stepdaughter when we were together.She acts like she has moved on and discarded me to the waste bucket.She has really no empathy and treats this like she is deciding to change hair dressers.She dumped her husband we were only married 2 years and she is ending it like we were dating 2 months"oh well its over no big deal"attitude...........horrible.I am trying hard to move on and have told her I cannot see her every other week or I will never get over this,but she keeps e-mailing me and won't let go. any advice would help. Link to post Share on other sites
Lilly Bubbles Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 hi new here. but if she is trying to keep in touch by phone and e-mail why dont u just put a block on the phone and on the computer? That is if that is what u really want.. Link to post Share on other sites
legrtova Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I agree completely. Cut her off. Resolve your dog issue, and if you daughter wants to see her, let it up to your daughter to deal with that. You need to move on with your own life, but as long as she keeps 'controlling' you like that, it might take a VERY long time. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 let her go...cut your losses and work on yourself. you made a faulty choice in a woman this time. next time think think think before doing something so drastic. love is blind but now you know the warning signs and red flags. regards mike Link to post Share on other sites
Drivetildriven Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Unfortunately your situation isn't anything I haven't read here in the last four months since I've joined. This is the best site I've found when you need advise and to vent. So, at least you're not alone. Don't let her walk on you. If there is truly no way to reconcile your marriage, cut her off completely. Have you considered counseling for yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I need to stop reading threads like this because I am going to ruin my own relationship if I keep reading things like this. If we ever get married I need to have her read threads like this and promise she will never do something like this. Just suck it up and move on with your life. This is her third marriage and she is only 37 so that should have been warning. Be glad you have no kids with her and think of it as a lesson learned. Link to post Share on other sites
tonyp56 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Well, I was with my wife for 11 years, almost 7 married, and she did pretty much the same thing. Told me she wasn't "in-love" with me, she wasn't never attracted to me, etc... Though the reason why, she left me for another man. Anyways, we do have 3 kids which makes things worse, and her new man is living with her and my kids most of the time, which pisses me off. Anyways, this all happened 9-5-05, so I am still in the middle of it. I've found taking it day by day isn't good enough, I've got to take it second by second. Good luck, Link to post Share on other sites
someonenewhere Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 Same thing here, after 23 years of what I thought was a happy marriage, my wife did the same thing, had a affair behind my back, took me aside one day and told me she was leaving. Its the same crap over and over I see now after reading these posts. We have 2 kids (grown) and I was looking forward to getting out and finally going places with her, enjoying grand kids,etc. Oh well, I guess I have to restart my life after 23 years of devoting my life to this women. It hurts and keeps on a hurtin, and she doesn't seem to care a bit. She gave up a good life and a good husband as far as I am concerned. Her loss. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I need to stop reading threads like this because I am going to ruin my own relationship if I keep reading things like this. ya know...I feel the same way.....sometimes I read these things...and want to just give up on my marriage and RUN..... maybe I should lay low for awhile..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scobro Posted October 14, 2005 Author Share Posted October 14, 2005 2 weeks after my wife just ended our marriage I came home and had a talk with my her about things I could have done to better myself and not drive her away basically saying I am good with her descision and feel good about the seperation etc. She then goes to bed its real late at this point around 11:45pm and I here her turn the music up and she is talking on her cell.I try not to assume the worst but cannot help wondering who she is talking too so late at night.I open her door to let the dogs in her room and ask her if she is on the phone she replies yes.I then leave the door open and can here her talking I still am trying to figure out who she could be talking too,she then shuts the door so i listen by her door anyway what was said was she was saying of course she new his e-mail addres and began to repeat it back so now I know the guys name and it was obviously another man on the phone, so I flung open her door asked who she was talking too, she said it was her friend (female name)so i asked to talk to her friend but she would not let me so i grabbed the phone from her and asked who it was no-one replied so I told my wife to call her friend back as I want to talk to her she wouldn't and told me it was a guy she met at a bar the previous weekend that was going through the same thing.I totally freaked out ,I made her feel good about ending the marriage 5 minutes before then she has the balls to go up while I'm still living in the house crushed cannot eat or sleep and in the other room at the time and she phones this guy she says she met at a bar.i FREAKED!!!i couldn't help feeling so betrayed.I couldn't sleep at all that night but I noticed after about 10 minutes after I left my wifes room she was fast asleep like nothing happened so I went and took a bucket of water and poured it over her head and said "if i'M UP YOUR UP"sleep with one eye open tonight.She then freaked on me and we almost got physical I had to calm down or I would have been regretting what I was going to do.So i just stayed up feeling horrible and she left for work (because I wouldn't let her sleep), at 3:30am and slept in the car. The next day she sends me an e-mail saying that she met 3 guys and a girl at the bar and they were all going through or had gone through seperations before and that her therapist thought they would be a good support mechanism for her so she said the guy left a message on her cell saying he would be available after 11:30pm so that is why she called him back. Anyway,she must think I am stupid but she keeps denying it saying I have the wrong impression and that she would give me the guys number and I can call him. I also two days later find a law print out booklet which answers peoples questions to certain situations regarding seperation ,common law etc...... I look over it and find a certain page with the edge folded down I turn to the page that was "bookmarked" and the question was this (coming from a man)"it is my wifes fault the marrige is ending,she started seeing another man,am i still required to split the assets even though she is ending it.Why should I let this new guy benefit......That was the question that was book marked.How much clearer could it be?????? I confront her about it and she still denys it doesn't know how it got like that.All i want is her to admit it but she is probably afraid I will freak out plus she looks bad because she cheated on her last husband(i was #3)and she is only 36. Will women just deny it till the end?I keep asking her just to tell me the truth and that I know its over but she keeps saying she is not involved with anyone and has never cheated and that I have the wrong impression. Whats up with that why? A friend of mine even saw them together at a bar and this guy had his hand on her knee.I asked her to just tell the truth is this why she is ending the marriage she claims hand on the knee is no big deal and she is just casually dating this guy.This is 3 weeks after she ended our marriage.I honestly think she has some narcissistic tendancies to have no empathy for the situation and not care how I feel still in the house and her seeing this guy right under my nose.She would go out and party while I sat on the couch in tears because my marriage was over .It was just so horrible and felt so abamdoned and betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
bendit Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 you have to start focusing on you and not on her...don't do any more of these post mortems about what you may have done wrong. she is at fault here. she is unfortunately damaged goods and you are never going to figure her out or get closure or satisfaction. So you have to start taking care of you and let her go. Don't focus on what she is doing or who she is with. She is just going to make you crazy. She is a mess. It sounds like you were overly focused on her and that's pretty common for nice guys to have some codependency. She had all the problems and you wanted to fix her and help her and take care of her. But they aren't able to accept that. And you can't do that anymore. So begin to let go of this unfortunate situation. Take care of you. You may need an attorney. Its time for YOU now. Good luck. regards Mike Link to post Share on other sites
someonenewhere Posted October 16, 2005 Share Posted October 16, 2005 Oh, yah, buy the way, my separated wife still denies she was and still is having an affair, even though she was caught by the other guys wife, who's marriage of 36 years is over because of it, and my son even caught them hugging and kisssing,,,ahmmm,,,,very intimately...... She is not the same women I married and loved even a year ago,,,like I said in my previous post, 23 dam years, and I worshipped that women. It hurts and keeps on a hurtin. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Man the bucket of water..BRILLIANT..I wish I had thought of that when I was going through my own divorce! Link to post Share on other sites
Author scobro Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Man the bucket of water..BRILLIANT..I wish I had thought of that when I was going through my own divorce! It felt good!!! hehehehehehe:p Link to post Share on other sites
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