A very bad day... can't believe it!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

Hello folks,

 

firstly this morning i attended a friends funeral, this fella hung himself on Monday morning, the funeral was very say as he was only in his early 30's like myself, its hard to believe he did this as he had a little daughter and a girlfriend although i heard a rumour he killed himself because they broke up! this is tragic!

 

then into the bargain my girlfriend of 4 months and whom we were honestly serious about each other calls down and dumps me tonight... i'm feeling rough here!

 

she wanted to explain so i listened then told her i heard it all before and told her that i'd respect her more if she told me that she just doesn't want me anymore...

 

she came out with the ' its me and i haven't had enough time alone since i was 17 crap ( she is 32 ) ' which i don't buy

 

both of us talked about our children that we would have and the house we would get etc. etc. i'd had a lot of girlfriends but this time i really clicked with her and thought it would last, she was easy to get on with unlike most of the others, had a great family who i met months ago

 

i told her lately that i was worried about her binge drinking and the fact that she would be like a zombie for 1/2 the week and she might not have liked that

 

so she was crying and asked would i still go to the bar she goes to on Saturdays and i said never again as you are there and i'm not going to let you continue to hurt me

 

she asked me to walk her to the door ( presuming i would hug and kiss her ) but i opened it and turned my back on her and then closed it in her face while she looked at me

 

i hate being hard but i have had a rotten time over relationships in the past ( near bloody suicidal ) and i'm trying to look after myself here

 

i deleted her numbers and gave her all her stuff back,

 

i knew from her attitude over the last 10 days that this was coming

 

i can't believe this has happened , i love this girl but what do i do

 

i think its definately over and i'll miss her like mad

 

if this one didn't work out then there is no hope!

 

i feel terrible here, what a day! i thought i was over all the past bad experiences!

[legrtova]

1) I am really sorry about your friend. That is a sad thing.

2) Sorry you have a double take to deal with today. All I can say is join the club, hang around, post like mad and it will get better.

Hope you feel better soon!

[Outcast]

So sorry you had such a wretched day. It's sad about the gf, but if she's a binge drinker, that'd only be long-term trouble. It's just a huge drag that it ended on this already sad day.

 

You know you will get over this because you have gotten over awful things before - so try to be good to yourself while you grieve and while you wait for the pain to end.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

So sorry you had such a wretched day. It's sad about the gf, but if she's a binge drinker, that'd only be long-term trouble. It's just a huge drag that it ended on this already sad day.

 

You know you will get over this because you have gotten over awful things before - so try to be good to yourself while you grieve and while you wait for the pain to end.

 

damn it i know but life and love isn't smooth and i was just trying to get her to look after herself a bit more, this could have been worked at, i'm a binger too although not as bad and i can still function at life stuff although i want to cut down as it is unpleasant

 

she is a darn good looking girl and everyone likes her, she made me feel fantastic like no other gf ever did...

 

she lived with a guy for 9 years, i met him , he is ok, he never complemented her and always went mad at her, i according to her was a perfect gentleman

 

but last year she went out with a guy for yes 4 months and then dumped him as she wanted more even though he was the perfect gentleman!

 

am I an idiot?

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

just read "Why women like bad boys" thread...

 

maybe true but i'm not going to change my personality and morals...

 

i treated my woman like a princess because i loved her

 

she told me tonight that she would regret her decision so...

 

its her loss if she wants someone who doesn't treat her like a princess

 

ps. i looked at my mum tonight as she came down to see me and i thought...

 

'thats the only woman who really loves me'

 

[hooghie]

I'm so sorry for you

 

You said you don't buy her reasoning (I don't really buy it either)- so why do you think she broke up with you? If it's for your concern about her drinking than it may be more because she doesn't want to confront her problems.

 

It sounds like you're doing things the right way- giving her the stuff, not being weak, etc. I'm sure things will get better for you soon. Hang in there.

 

About your mom..yeah, I wouldn't trade my immediate family for all of the lovers and friends in the world. At the end of the day, they are the only ones who are permanantly in our lives. Be good to her! (I'm sure you are).

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

I'm so sorry for you

If it's for your concern about her drinking than it may be more because she doesn't want to confront her problems.

.

 

funny enough she admitted to me in tears tonight that she needs to sort this out because she knows she can't continue like this! she is an intelligent girl but is just stuck in a rut!

 

i know i've been in a drinking rut for years but i'm getting out of it and back into my sport in which i represented my country so she is possibly intimidated but this was not my intention... and I was trying to intice her into a healthier lifestyle but more probably this has nothing to do with anything!

 

and god yeah i am good to my mum! its natural!

[whichwayisup]

No, don't change who you are just cuz you read that badboy thread!

You're fine the way you are. And you're good to your mom, so that's a plus.

 

Sorry for your loss of your friend, that's very sad. I hope he's at peace now. I feel sad, his poor daughter... Brings tears to my eyes.

 

Oh man, the girlfriend dumping you is just really bad timing. That really sucks.

 

You're gonna be okay, just grieve it out and know that someone else is around the corner waiting for ya, when you're ready.

 

Hugs, cuz you need afew tonight.

 

Try and get some rest.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

"so why do you think she broke up with you?"

 

i have no idea because she didn't have the guts to tell me but she doesn't want to be with me and thats that! i'm not going to be her friend and i don't ever want to speak to her again, this is for my own good!

 

i slept ok last night but i feel devastated this morning, she probably doesn't give a s*** about this so i'm trying to do the same

 

yes it is hard especially after what happened to my friend

 

thanks for the hug, i'm off to do a day's work although i feel i can't keep my mind on my work and can't stop thinking about what has happened, i can't believe she has done this!

[loony]

Sorry for your heartaches and this crappy day.

 

she lived with a guy for 9 years, i met him , he is ok, he never complemented her and always went mad at her, i according to her was a perfect gentleman

I don't think you should have gotten involved so much with her in such a short time. She must have had issues if she stayed with someone who was so bad for her for such a long time.

 

but last year she went out with a guy for yes 4 months and then dumped him as she wanted more even though he was the perfect gentleman!

That's a sign that something is wrong with her.

 

Being drunk half of the week is also not normal.

 

That girl was not a good choice. Try not to become her savior.

[loony]

just read "Why women like bad boys" thread...

It's not only the problem of the woman who claims you're too good for her and she doesn't deserve you. It's also a personal problem of the man who gets involved too much and too fast with this kind of woman.

[MANDI2000]

Dude,

 

for you to return her stuff and shut the door in her face, that is so strong. Good for you. I on the other hand, begged my bf to comeback. i cant return his stuff back yet because its the only things i have from him. I guess its a way for us to talk still. But you are a very strong person and it sounds like you will be hurting for some time, but you have your head on straight and your watching out for yourself. Thats what many of us broken hearts forget, to take care of our selves. I commend you on your efforts and actions. I wish and hope one day i will be that strong.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

update...

 

well all day Friday i was worried sick about her and it became too much so I called up to her house to see if she was OK

 

so she smiled at me when she opened the front door then I suggested going for a drive so we did to a nice place for about 3 hours, i explained to her that I may have been a bit harsh on Thursday night but that was because I was at a friends funeral and I thought she was very inconsiderate, she apologised and explained that she had been so preoccupied she forgot about that

 

anyway we talked for hours and I asked her how did we go from great together to this in one week, she said "its my mad brain"

 

she said she felt confused immediately after breaking up with me, she said when she told her friends they said are you sure thats what you want? she also said that it would be difficult to go back, i said you mean be together again? and she said no what i mean is calling you up in 3 weeks and saying i made a mistake and that she was worried that I would say no!

 

she told me that she thinks she is a bad influence on me (drinking) and that we are going in opposite directions, she is very sit about the house while i am very sporty and very active, she said I was too hyper for her and that she thought that she can't go from where she is now to what i want her to be...

 

i said hold on here, all i want you to do is look after yourself a bit more (stop binge drinking to a bad extreme), i don't want to change you or control you... drinking is good fun but you have to knock it on the head if it deeply affects your work and your health!

 

she explained that she felt that she is walking on eggshells with me, i asked her why and she explained that i am a very sensitive person and that she felt she couldn't say things to me... she said that i am too stressed out with work and always talk about it too much and a lot of other criticisms, ok maybe true and I have just started training again and drinking less so I feel better already

 

she also explained that she didn't have enough time for herself as we are together every night since we met each other, she never had a problem with this before and I thought i had to see her every night, i said to her I would not mind that as I could use that time to do a lot of things I need to do

 

anyhow a lot more was said... she said she wouldn't do the daytime drinking again and that she would keep away from alcoholic spirits, she said she knows what she is doing is bad, she is a musician (part-time) and the mad parties and drinking are a part of this, she said one day she needs to get away from this scene...

 

I don't want her to stop playing as I love to see her playing but she knows the alcoholic musicians are a bad influence!

 

so on Friday i left her up to her friends house, she said she'd be out on Saturday night but all week long she wouldn't drink at all to see how she feels

 

she wanted to be by herself for a week and she wants to phone me and go to something I want to do next Friday night, she said "lets think about what we said to each other" then see how it goes

 

what does anybody think about this? i'm not going to let her call the shots and keep me waiting around for her decision, i'm too strong for that!

[loony]

update...

i'm not going to let her call the shots and keep me waiting around for her decision, i'm too strong for that!

It seems as if she does have a lot of problems or worries of her own and it might be more helpful for your relationship if you tried to understand her than assume that there is malice on her part. It hurts what she is doing, but take a step back and ask yourself what would help her to solve her problems and thus eventually allowing her to get a clearer mind to concentrate on improving the relationship between you two.

[Outcast]

I think that both of you are finding way too many faults in each other for it to be a successful relationship. Really I think you two are not a good match.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

It seems as if she does have a lot of problems or worries of her own and it might be more helpful for your relationship if you tried to understand her than assume that there is malice on her part. It hurts what she is doing, but take a step back and ask yourself what would help her to solve her problems and thus eventually allowing her to get a clearer mind to concentrate on improving the relationship between you two.

 

yes I am trying to understand her and I am considering giving her time and space, I will not phone her all week

 

i disagree with outcast although thank you for your input, i do not see many faults in her and not she of me, i have been out with girls like you describe before and yes they were no good to me and they are gone for good!

 

this girl is lovely and is not capable of malice, she is the kind that will see the good in anyone regardless of their faults, i'm not naive here but everyone would agree that knows her, everyone that knows her likes/loves her to bits, shes just one of these girls!

 

she didn't ask me for a 'break' but maybe just give me a week on my own to perhaps sort her head out

 

maybe i shouldn't burn down this bridge so soon and blank her out of my life just yet

 

ps. everyone thinks we are a good match, my friends , her friends, her family, my family

[westernxer]

ps. everyone thinks we are a good match, my friends , her friends, her family, my family

 

Everyone but her.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

"Everyone but her."

 

perhaps so and maybe i should change my thoughts to suit this as you are probably right, my instinct says this too

 

she absolutely adored me until recently though for whatever reason!

 

although she thinks we are great together too, she said this 2 days ago...

 

blah i don't know do I?

[hooghie]

Everyone but her.

 

 

I agree with this. However, give her the week she says she needs. Contact her and see where she stands. I wouldn't get my hopes up too much though. You said she criticised you about a lot of things. These are signs that she doesn't want to be with you. I'm sorry.

 

I think she wants to let you down easily. Perhaps she doesn't want you bugging her about her drinking/lifestyle and sees you as a 'downer.' Are you sure she hasn't met someone else who is more accepting of her lifestyle right now?

 

Again, I think you should give her the week, but if she's still unsure- go back to NC.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

the way I feel now and after reading all the posts I feel like sending the rest of her stuff back by post

 

i'm not going to contact her, she said she didn't want me to for a week then she said she would call me Friday lunchtime then we would go out to a disco that night

 

maybe all this means she has met someone else

 

she went cool on me and didn't respond to my compliments of "you are gorgeous " or "i'm mad about you" or "i love you etc."

 

i don't like this no contact for a week crap, one thing for sure is that i'm not going to be waiting with open arms for her, i need to be sure!

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

as of tonight i am deeply considering not giving this another chance and I should maybe not answer this call on Friday although this seems crazy at the same time as I am mad about this girl, not just recently but I always was

 

every relationship has dodgy parts, obviously some far worse than others but is there really anyone out there who really has had plain sailing all the way?

 

i got a friend of mine together with a girl 9 months ago, he still sticks with her trying his heart out despite a lot of breakups and bad patches, i think he may be doing the wrong thing but i genuinely think she isn't good for him, he has too many problems

 

the girl i am going with/ went with in comparison to all my exes and what i see out there is great

 

i don't know what to do or how i should protect myself here, i'd like to hear from some girls out there on what this is all about too

 

my mother loves this girl and she said I should definately give her another go

[hooghie]

I don't see anything wrong with waiting until friday. I would be interested to see if she even calls. Sorry, as a female-I would never say/do the things she said/did if I were in love with the person. I WOULD say it if:

 

1. I liked him and knew he was good for me, but wasn't really in love with him

2. I was interested in someone else

 

That's just me though. Maybe she has different reasons/experiences that I haven't had. MY BF has a huge drinking problem and we are going through a lot right now, but I still have so much faith in our love that I think we can get through this and I'm sticking with him. BUT- no matter what ANYONE said about my ex husband and even though a part of me thought 'maybe I am making a mistake' when I left him- I KNEW it was the right thing and I didn't try and get through our issues.

 

Having said all of this, you really have nothing to lose by waiting until friday and seeing what happens. If she says 'I need more time.' Let her know you are sending her things back and moving on. If you do that BEFORE friday, you will definitely lose her.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

cheers hooghie,

 

i never have been with a girl I felt so comfortable with hence telling her always how i felt about her and I know she will call me on Friday although there is a self protective side of me says I should post her things back to her so she will receive them on Friday afternoon

 

i'm just about to book flights to Madrid as my friend lives there and always invites us over, lately i was going to bring us over but she was cool about this as she had no money, i have no money either but I always manage to do stuff, i am under a lot of pressure as I am starting a business with virtually no money! but i'll get there somehow

 

I am a builder and its so funny how where i want to live is where she wants to live too! i've had this idea of building a loveshack in a particular part of my country for years before I met her and she had the very same idea!

 

sorry i'm probably ranting here as I have been drinking red wine a lot tonight

 

i've a load of songs i got together to make her a few cd's (this is before we are apart) so i'm wondering should i do them or not!

 

maybe i should make them and send them in the post with the rest of her stuff as much as i don't want to do this

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

another thing... during this 'week apart from each other' she asked me to chill out and not think paranoid things...

 

but the thing is I have been, i've thought of things never before, i wonder what is going thru her mind?

 

does she even think of me?

[whichwayisup]

another thing... during this 'week apart from each other' she asked me to chill out and not think paranoid things...

 

but the thing is I have been, i've thought of things never before, i wonder what is going thru her mind?

 

does she even think of me?

 

Yes, she thinks of you, how can she not? Though I'm betting she isn't focussing on you as you are on her...

 

Try not to allow bad s*** into your head. Yeah, easier said than done, but you to focus on something else other than her.

 

Another thing, the more energy you put into her (Meaning the I love you, you're beautiful) the more she pulls away and it's killing your heart. So stop that for a while. Let her come to you that way.

 

Enjoy your wine and sleep well!