whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Oh yeah, don't send her the other CD of mixed songs. Wait that out abit longer... Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Definitely don't send her the CD's. Based on your posts, you are really into her and feel that she is different from others, etc. Ask yourself- is the feeling recipricated? No. She broke up with you on a day you went to a FUNERAL. That doesn't sound like a woman in love. You deserve to be with someone who feels the same way about you as you do them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 today i have lapsed into a deep depression, i tried, i went to work but simply found myself lacking, i'm doing my mothers head in with worry but i'm going to phone her later and tell her i'll be alright yes i am crazy about this girl and she felt the same way about me, she says she forgot about the funeral but thats a pretty major thing to forget about! can i introduce a few additions? ... lately i admit i ignored her calls sometimes but then i would always call her later on, she answered these calls with are you sure we are OK? i was pissed off at her not answerering her phone at a party at 3am when I was worried sick about her, she says she was drunk and never heard it and fair enough she didn't always answer calls on her mobile she asked me this week to not analyse things and to not get down but i have done nothing but this i hate sitting around like this waiting on Friday... I wonder am I just paranoid? because the last time i seen her on Friday night she passionately kissed me my mother asked me is she worth fighting for and yes she is although my mother said I should phone her tonight to tell her how i was feeling although i'm sitting here packing her stuff i borrowed to send her it back, she would get it on Friday after she comes home from work and after she is supposed to phone me i hope tomorrow I am able to work again because I've produced nought in 2 days Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Ouch, you're in deep. I think you should wait until Friday and sort this out with her once and for all. Getting together and then having a week apart is killing you and who knows in few weeks she'll do this again. Lay it all out on the line, you are in pain and she is the cause of it. Find out wtf is going on and what she wants. That way atleast you can cope with thing and heal if it is over...Right now you're on the edge and not knowing fully of what is going to happen is rough! Hope you feel better and keep posting. Just vent it out, I find a good daily vent helps me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 cheers whichway, yes i am in deep but should it be any other way? i'm going to have to do what you say, before this i know she wants a family and to even live in the same place that i do (was an amazing coicidence! ) yes it does help talking here but should I be positive? positive about this i mean? Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 yes it does help talking here but should I be positive? positive about this i mean? Probably not, but you won't know until friday. Try to hold up until then. I don't know all of the details and issues of your relationship nor what led to the break up, but from what I see and hear- it doesn't look good. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 cheers whichway, yes i am in deep but should it be any other way? i'm going to have to do what you say, before this i know she wants a family and to even live in the same place that i do (was an amazing coicidence! ) yes it does help talking here but should I be positive? positive about this i mean? Nope. You are who you are, so don't change that. I'd be in the same place too if I was going through what you're going through right now. Just wait until Friday and see how it goes. Hope for the best, expect the worst. She isn't sure of anything, that part is clear. What I don't understand is her attitude and why she is acting this way. People don't do 180's unless they're freaked out about something (she could be scared of feeling so much??) or done something wrong and need time to sort through it. Eitherway, she doesn't want her upset with her or worrying about things. Duh, how can you NOT worry! I get where your head is at too. Call your mom! Order in some dinner and try to enjoy the evening. Try being the opperative word... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 no I can't change who I am and most off regarding this love thing i don't want to, i'm not a game player etc. etc. i just want to feel settled and feel happy and to enjoy everyday and to help others etc. i used to feel like this when i was younger yesterday i lost the plot quite a bit, i've been drinking like mad just to get away from my own mind, i know this is bad but it is temporary, i have done this before I don't know why she freaked out and she might not know either, i hope she hasn't done anything on me but i hope not, she is a georgeous girl and I know a lot of men fancy her, i don't like when she goes out by herself to parties and all, i know that she is always with people that look after her but i truly worry about her if i'm not around to protect her my mother thinks she is scared as the way my mother thinks I have been lately but i can't see why as I told her i'd do anything for the girl I love and kissed her last Wednesday, this may have nothing to do with it but she has been physically sick with influenza and hasn't been in the mood for doing anything in ages i've just started a business lately and this is the last thing i need , i am struggling to get this going and this week i have done nothing, i will try again today but I just get too preoccupied i wish I were more flippant about this, i know it would be healthy for me but its hard, i've never been so sure about a girl despite her issues, we can work on that and she on mine as it seems they are quite similiar anyhow, she was absolutely crazy about me and me about her, she said she felt confused after dumping me but me on that night put the words into her mouth and I told her i never wanted to speak to her again this is a nightmare, just waiting this out until Friday, can anyone out there explain why someone would want a week away, i know you have whichway, i asked her did she want this to see if she missed me and she said no, she asked me to just consider what we have said to one another and don't worry about this and don't be paranoid and think about this... thing is I let her down previous Friday, it was a last minute job , i didn't go to a concert with her, i knew she took it badly but i felt tired and depressed that night and explained to her i would not be any fun to be with, she phoned me the next morning and I ignored her calls because I felt terrible but I did call her and see her that day Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 just read "Why women like bad boys" thread... Erm, would seem more appropriate to read a "why some men like bad girls" thread. Well done for being strong with her though. Chin up, you're doing the right thing. Try to keep the drinking within reasonable bounds, but a bit of this is only natural, given your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Letse see- she broke up with you on the same day as your friend's funeral. Then YOU went to see her and she said she may have a made a mistake, etc., then SHE said she wanted another week away from you. I think you know what it means and you desperately want to think otherwise. BTW- you were a real jerk and immature about the concert thing and ignoring her the next day. Is this typical behavior from you? Maybe that is part of the issue, but I think she would give it to you as an example of why she broke up with you and she didn't. I know you think she is great and don't want to lose her, but no matter how great she is- if she's not into you- there is NOTHING you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 "Is this typical behavior from you?" no not really, i've had a history or depression recently which i am battling very successfully... hopefully! she also told me I left her on her own that Saturday night, this has all to do with drink, i would never want to do this but when you are completeley sh*tfaced together these daft things happen OK i am listening, she is obviously not into me although i know she was big time and this has only happened, she done the same on a guy last year whom she said was just the rebound guy, i remember being worried about this and questioned her about this, she assured me this wouldn't happen but it obviously has i have to do something here, i can't call her or whatever so i have just got an envelope to post back some of her stuff, i think she'll be shocked by this as we left it on good terms on Friday night and told each other we would look forward to this Friday night Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 just filled a package there and wrote her name and address on it... i just don't know should I send it today or not, i hate this so much, i don't really want to do this! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 just went and mailed her the parcel... what else could i do, it didn't feel right doing it but I did it anyway she'll receive it on Friday when she gets home from work , a few hours after she says she would phone me up to arrange a night out don't know how she will take this but what else could I do in my situation Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 19, 2005 Author Share Posted October 19, 2005 talked to my mum tonight and she said i shouldn't have sent her stuff back and that i should have at least waited until Friday or longer, i sort of regret this now but if she phones on Friday i'll explain to her why i did this, i think she will phone me on Friday, its been hard to give her space but i've only tonight and all day tomorrow on Friday night i felt good after seeing her, no worries, Saturday and Sunday I felt good but the past few days posting here I've went to the dogs my mum says why don't I phone her as that is maybe what she really wants we are 31 and 32, she does not manipulate me like I have had done in the past, she is a diamond of a girl and she is worth fighting for, my mum told me to forget all the NC advice and tell her everything that I feel in my heart, my mum says she respects a man like this rather than a poker player my mum says if you love her and she is worth fighting for then just go for it Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Your mom was right. I don't know why you did that. If she had doubts, you may have shifted her towards staying broken up. This action tells me a few things about your character that you may need to work on. If you want to chat about it, PM me. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 20, 2005 Share Posted October 20, 2005 You're overprotecting your feelings and that's the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 21, 2005 Author Share Posted October 21, 2005 my gf called me this morning just liek she said she would... i told her i was deeply upset this week and she asked me why i didn't call her immediately... she told me she thought we sorted everything out last Friday night she sounds so sweet on the phone, she says she wants to come down to my place and make this a fresh start... she asked had i gone out with somebody during the week she asked did i want to come down and I said off course but i want to have a long talk with you and tell you everything, i told her i had been drinking all week and she asked would i be ok to go out tonight which i hope i will be she is coming down at 8pm should i chill out or not? i'm away here to get my hair cut... been 2 years! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 IMO, good & healthy relationships don't involve this kind of drama. Also, I think you listen too much to your mother about what to do with your gf. Mothers don't understand what it is to be a guy, and they'll always naturally empathise with the woman. What does your father say about this, or your close male friends? Reading your posts, it sounds like you're in a mess over this woman. You're not in any fit state to objectively assess the relationship or its future, rather you're just going on out of control emotions of hope, fear & doubt, swinging from one extreme to the next. Your drinking is also obviously causing you a problem and exaggerating your current state of chaos, along with the stress from your business. As a self-employed guy myself, I'd strongly advise you not to try to start up a business when your personal life is a mess, and especially not when you are binge drinking. It's tough enough when you're on top of your game, and most businesses go to the wall in the first year anyway. Those started by problem-drinkers going through serious emotional turmoil are obviously even more likely to fail. Can't you delay this until you sort yourself out? Finally, I think you really ought to stop drinking entirely for a period of time, say 4 weeks. You will think more clearly, feel less depressed, and relate better with your gf. To be honest I don't know if you're looking for advice, or just venting your feelings on here. Either way, good luck and keep us updated. Things will get better! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 23, 2005 Share Posted October 23, 2005 Finally, I think you really ought to stop drinking entirely for a period of time, say 4 weeks. I think he's Irish... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Hey, wondering how things went Friday and over the weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Whats up guys? Hope all is well and that life works out ok for all of you. I THINK HE IS IRISH TOO......... Have a good one Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 yeah you are all right... i am irish and so is my ex infact very irish, both of us mad into music especially her as she is a good fiddler! update... not good... she did call me last Friday and I was surprised/shocked , she came down to my house that night, we went out all weekend together, she stayed in my house etc. etc. it was a good weekend but then she went home as she was tired on Sunday night, i started feeling terribly anxious about a sixth sense thing, i woke up on Monday in a state of pure depression, she said it was the drinking but i know it was my thoughts about us and her! i phoned her on Monday night to explain i felt terribly anxious, she said she was worried about me and I felt better after talking to her, she said she would come down tomorrow night and we'll have dinner in my house... so i woke up Tuesday feeling dreadful and phoned her at work to explain i can't visit the big mall type thing for food, can we just go to a small grocer and she said off course... could you not have told me this later? hello i was anxious! so she came down... really really tired... went and got great food, cooked it, watched tv and then she went home, she was very tired! phoned her today at work to ask if she was OK, sounded nice to me on the phone, i told her about how we were invited to my friends engagement party, she said 'I could probably go'.... hmmm my brain went into analyse mode and said she doesn't want to plan ahead... all day at work my brain said this to me... phone goes at 8pm tonight... can we talk... "we all know what that means"... basically... i think we should finally end it... i said to her a lot of things and what i felt about her... "you feel more for me than i do for you..." i told her i didn't want to speak to her again for my own sanity " this is hard as we are in the similiar circles! " .... she doesn't like this she left her fiddle in my house, tomorrow she is picking it up i love this girl very much what the heck should i do she obviously doesn't love me, i'm devasted Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I think she loved you, but maybe wasn't in love. Maybe the timing isn't right, or it's circumstances. Don't belittle your experience with her - She cares for you, believe that. I think she's been wrestling on what to do for a while, her actions do show this... No contact is the only way to go right now. Sucks that she travels in the same group of friends...Just take it one day a time, or each hour... Vent it out, cry, scream, whatever you need to do to deal with the pain. Hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 well i'm in bits here... there is no going back to the way we were... my ex just called to collect her stuff, she was really nice, she could see i was upset, we hugged and I kissed her one last time, she told me to go and get a nice girl... one nicer than her! she said she didn't want a big relationship, i asked her if she did would it be with me and she didn't answer and didn't look in my eyes she was trying to let me down easy i know now she pleaded with me to still go out to the same venues, she said I know you can't be friends with me i'm dead in the water here Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 she also said there is no point talking about it and left there is nothing I can say or do to change her mind I know but I do think I should avoid her despite her requests Link to post Share on other sites
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