JS17 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 It sounds like she feels pretty guilty and does care about you. You will end up wanting for closure because she really hasn't given you a reason (or has she and I missed it?). Regardless, it seems pretty clear that she's walking away so it would probably be best for you not to see her. Sorry that things didn't work out for you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Yup, you have to heal and being friends with her in anyway right now isn't a good idea. Will just make you feel worse. It's really hard to get over stuff like this, especially when your heart was in it 100% for such a long time - then things changed! Your mind knows what it has to do but the body/heart and soul needs time to catch up. Sadly once someone says it's over there isn't much you can do to change their minds. Be good to yourself and just take it day by day. Sorry that it didn't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 yeah I do want closure, she is only after giving me it in saying that there isn't any point talking about it i don't buy the I don't want a big relationship thing, she probably means look i just don't want you, you are not what i want and no i didn't get a specific reason she is a beautiful girl... the nicest girl i have ever been with by a long way... to hear her say go and get a nice girl completely breaks my heart! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Either she thinks she isn't good enough for you or she's too good for you. I think she doesn't have a high image of herself. One doesn't say s*** like that unless there is an actual point to make...Makes no sense to me. If you need a certain closure, then get it from her. IF you need to ask her questions, then do that...But don't let it go on for a long time, the sooner the better that way you can deal with things head on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 Either she thinks she isn't good enough for you or she's too good for you. I think she doesn't have a high image of herself. One doesn't say s*** like that unless there is an actual point to make...Makes no sense to me. If you need a certain closure, then get it from her. IF you need to ask her questions, then do that...But don't let it go on for a long time, the sooner the better that way you can deal with things head on. I don't think either is true, i know she doesn't think that way i.e. is too good for me... she is fantastically good looking, doesn't have to even wear makeup and is a fantastic musician, how could she not feel good enough for me? How will i get closure from her? i think she doesn't want us to talk or communicate, she doesn't want to talk about 'us' , she wants my company in a traditional irish music session where there is only crap talk ( which is good fun ) i'll send you a link to her photo online if you like whichwayisup in a PM Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 How will i get closure from her? She probably won't give it to you and there's a good chance that she doesn't even really know why. You're going to have to learn to find it yourself. It's really tough when they don't give you closure, believe me I know too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 JS17, i think you are right here and you know what you talking about... there is no point calling her or anything, i guess i'll get my closure one day when I see her with a boyfriend but this I don't want to see because I know it will wreck my head although her ex of 9 years goes to the same places and he eventually warmed to me... after asking what i was like, i think he was glad he was with somebody that 'thought' they were good for them I know she'll go out with people, she could pick anyone, she like me have dated 100's people ( not slept with mind you ) but my day of doing all that passed a long time ago and I felt so content with her Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Listen up man- Ive been where you are its hard but if you love her let her be as much as it will hurt you will feel better after some time. If she is happy then you should be happy to. I dont know everything that went down with you two so i cant comment really I dont know how you 2 feel about eachother but from a 3rd party i think let her go. You should go out and have fun too. Stick to what you do best and just relax if its ment to be it will. In the long run it will be better. The reason i say it will be better DO YOU relly want to spen the next few month years even trying to sort something out that the forces of nature say wont work? Rather go out there get someone who is worth you time and energy (im not saying the ex isnt) maybe she needs a break and will realize how much she loves and needs you (thats the mystry of life and love you just never know what could happen) All im saying is dont wait around too long in hope that she might come back rather just go out meet people and have a good time that is and will be hard for a while but your heart and mind will adapt. Have a good one and good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 cheers Ruff, i know your advice is right I am crazy about my ex, always was right from the start and nothing diminished I don't want to find someone else last night i went out with friends to see my friends band and got absolutely blind drunk, woke up today and the phone was off the hook, i found out she called me from her mobile at 2.30 in the morning, i don't remember her calling, she also sent a text saying "are u ok?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 28, 2005 Author Share Posted October 28, 2005 hello i sent her a text reply just asking what happened ie. did you call me last night and i get no reply, i might call her here to see what happened Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Well some times getting that pissed can be a good thing. Dont push the matter with the ex to much about the phone call ok i know been there and sometimes it can get ugly.... By the way im a irish lad too.... Live in S.A butr family from irland Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 29, 2005 Author Share Posted October 29, 2005 well turns out i called her when i got home ( absolutely steaming drunk ) i apologised to her and i said i wouldn't bother her again, not that i meant to she replies and says don't be sad and i'll maybe see you soon i am devasted here, this is the girl i wanted for life, i was going to marry her Ireland is a good place but so is India Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 29, 2005 Share Posted October 29, 2005 You sound like you're pretty broken up over this huh? I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love and even worse to lose the dream that walked out the door with them. From the rest of the thread it sounds as if you had a lot of issues with each other. I have learned to listen carefully when someone breaks up with you, what they tell you is rarely wrong and is usually the tough stuff that is hard to say when you are together. You seem to be looking at her through rose colored glasses right now. It might help you to write down a list of all of the negative issues that you had with her, such as her binge drinking. Respecting someones work and talent don't make for a good relationship. It seems like there was a severe breakdown in communication in your relationship. I know you hurt now but start working on getting past it and moving on. Keep posting if you need to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 30, 2005 Author Share Posted October 30, 2005 yes i am in absolute pieces here, she says its for the best but I don't feel the same way We didn't have a lot of issues with each other, infact I was always saying about how great we were and how different she was to all my old gf's, she is a party animal but so am I so who was I to tell her to stop all my friends can't believe we are apart, they all said how they all thought we were together for life I'm not looking at her in rose glasses, I was always mad about her, I can't write down a list of negative things, everyone has little things and to be honest she didn't really have any I tried to treat her like a princess and she said I did, she promised we would always be together, i have never felt so strongly about a girl and she was mad about me, we were together since day 1 and went to my best friends wedding etc. just after a a month or so together it is so hard not to contact her now and try and find out why but I know there is no point! she says in a text maybe we'll see each other soon, she can probably see me as she has no love for me and its ok for her i'm not a desperado but i know i would never meet a nicer girl than her, both looks or anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 somebody help me here , please Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I think if any of us could make the pain go away we would. How about a hug instead? *Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 hello and thanks for hugs although I am here crying my eyes out even though i'm supposed to be a man! my friend hung himself over something like this 2 weeks ago Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Don't be getting idea's from your friend and what he did. Look, now he's gone and has no life to live. You are hurt, sad, heart is breaking - Cry it out, scream, kick, put your fist through a wall. Talk about it, write about it, exercise, sleep. But please don't go and make a mistake that you can never ever take back...I think you get my drift. Grown men cry - You're hurting and allowed, so go for it. The more you cry it out eventually the better you will feel...And lots of hugs to you...You need a bunch. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I've felt like you feel. I know how hard it is. I actually freaked out really bad one day and went straight to a counselof. Like it was a nervous breakdown or something. There is no solution anyone can offer here that you probably aren't already well aware of. The best I can offer is to recommend you do anything you can to keep from blaming yourself. DON'T go thinking that there was something you did wrong that caused it or something you could do better that would fix it. Be fair to yourself and to her and recognize that relationships break up like this all the time. You did your best and you were yourself. That isn't all there is to it. If she couldn't love you that way, then you have to know that someone will and that alone will make that relationship better. I'll read back through your post and see if maybe I'm missing the point somehow. Hang in there, and DON'T start thinking your friend did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 hello and thanks for hugs although I am here crying my eyes out even though i'm supposed to be a man! my friend hung himself over something like this 2 weeks ago Only a real man would cry...an even bigger man would admit it. I think you're a very sensitive person who has suffered a great loss. It's normal to cry and the pain will subside over time. Remember that, it's very important. There will be life after her but give yourself some time to grieve. This is a fresh wound. I cried for two months straight, or so it seemed, after a major breakup. Then one day it just stopped. All of a sudden it was a long time since he had been part of my life and I was back to having a great time with MY friends and MY life. There is NO woman worth ending your life over and alcohol will only increase your feelings of depression and sadness. If you really feel like you are going to harm yourself or anyone else then you need to seek out professional help immediately! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 thanks all, i hate what my friend did, he was a popular guy and i will miss him terribly, although unfortunately I understand his reasons! as i said in another post i just wished I could have talked to him, I hope that i could have saved him I am a sensitive person, my gf said this I do have lots of friends and i am grateful for them if any of you have ever seen the film "truly madly deeply" this was how we were Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Perhaps there is a greater love out there waiting for you who will one day say "I'm so glad you got over your ex. You're way too wonderful to be with anyone but me" Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 Perhaps there is a greater love out there waiting for you who will one day say "I'm so glad you got over your ex. You're way too wonderful to be with anyone but me" i'd like to believe this but this probably isn't going to happen, no girlfriend ever told me she loved me before and this girl did i've done NC since Friday , i hate this , it feels like a game which I don't want to play Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 It's not a game, it's giving yourself time away from the person to heal and adjust to life again without them. You need to find the YOU that you were before meeting her and be happy with that person before seeing or speaking with her again. I think legally you're allowed to be upset after losing someone you loved Link to post Share on other sites
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted October 31, 2005 Author Share Posted October 31, 2005 i'm dreading the day i see her, although i'd love to see her again, its going to be hard to avoid her as we have so much in common its mad to see her go from mad about me to just seeing me as a nice guy she likes speaking to, i will never be able to handle that, she has done this in the past I think Link to post Share on other sites
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