Is He Emotionally Unavailable? or Did My Self Esteem Ruin the Relationship

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, I agree that he just wasn't that you into you and you were picking up on this. You were very into him, so you held out in hopes his feelings would grow, but they didn't. It's very common that both men and women make all kinds of excuses for the lukewarm behavior of someone they're very attracted to, because they really hope things will improve. You're better off not being in a one-sided relationship like this. 

[SumGuy]

It's not you it is him. 

I say this based on his lack of affection over an 8 month period.  In my view he probably has some serious emotional availability issues.  Not sure what magical, epiphany he was waiting for...I say he has got some issues with knowing himself, what he wants and/or his decision making process to drag this on for 8 months.  To each there own, but most of us know and want to know if we are moving beyond a kiss good night stage sooner than 8 months.

I say good riddance to him, but also keep up your self esteem as you know you can attract men you find very handsome even if they are not emotionally available.

[stillafool]

It's not you OP, your love styles are not compatible.  Be glad he broke up with you so you can find a guy who likes to be affectionate with his girl if that is what you like too.  This guy won't give that to you.   Has he tried to get you back since he broke up with you?  If not be glad as this guy wasn't really into you the way he should have been.

Edited December 12, 2020 by stillafool

[snowqueen_1]

@SumGuy Thank you so so much. I just started therapy this week before I read this; she said he was very emotionally unavailable. 

It was very odd indeed; he's got some major issues for sure, I've never had a guy be this way. Thank you so so much, I really appreciate this, getting my self esteem up now. 

[snowqueen_1]

@stillafool Thank You!!! ❤️I am holding on hope for that. No, he tried texting me a few times after the breakup, but then stopped responding. My friends and I found him on a dating app this past month. I hope he can find someone more like him? I appreciate this comment, thank you again < 3

[snowqueen_1]

@Ruby Slippers Thank You!!!❤️You're right, I really had hoped things would've improved but no. I've truly never had a relationship like this. I appreciate this comment, thank you for the clarity 👍

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 12/9/2020 at 11:23 AM, poppyfields said:

@snowqueenif you would respond to my and Versacehotti's posts it would be appreciated.

 

 

Op, did you see poppyfields and Versacehotti's posts? When you are not responding to posts it leads one to believe that possibly you were missing responding to things (a little disconnected) in your R with Gorgeous Man, too, and that's one reason he broke up with you.

I haven't gotten to page 2 of this thread yet so maybe you answered it there. OK, I see you didn't.

Both of these posters asked you a question I was wondering about, too. You still haven't answered either of them. Poppyfields mentioned it to you again (third time it was mentioned) and you haven't addressed her reminder. This post is the fourth time it's been mentioned on this thread. Again, if you treated Gorgeous Man this way that could have contributed to the reason(s) he broke up with you, IMO.

It seems to me you might not be paying attention to some of the posts that people are spending time and effort posting. There may be a reason for this, though. What say you about it?

Edited December 15, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease

[snowqueen_1]

@LivingWaterPlease Hey!! Sorry about that. Took a few days off online so getting back to everything. Going back to answering these now, thanks for the heads up : ) 

Chill dude! People got work during the week, sorry about that! 

[snowqueen_1]

@poppyfields Thanks for your input! Since your post, I started going to therapy and learning about attachment styles. Looks like he's very avoidant, and I'm more anxious, which didn't allow me it to work or for me to communicate. I agree it was my fault, because I completely shut down when talking to him & didn't know what to say. Gonna go forward with this! 

[LivingWaterPlease]

22 hours ago, snowqueen_1 said:

@LivingWaterPlease Hey!! Sorry about that. Took a few days off online so getting back to everything. Going back to answering these now, thanks for the heads up : ) 

Chill dude! People got work during the week, sorry about that! 

Glad you got some time off, snowqueen! Well, thought you were ignoring since you'd answered others' questions but not poppy's and versace's.

I'm a dudess, not a dude, lol! But point well taken and I'm glad to be instructed to chill! Good advice for all!