Black and blue fingerprints under butt

[Guildford]

You might want to examine your wife's body every time you find yourself in a sexual desert.  She could be using these periods so that the bruises can disappear.  BTW I believe you.

[Atwood]

I bruise easily, and my upper legs are covered in bruises. I bruise just sitting down on a hard surface for too long. Last week, the dog launched himself off my lap and left a bruise on my thigh that ended up looking like a bite mark from a love bite with upper and lower marks. I've also got bruises on the backs of my thighs if the bare skin presses too hard on the metal bedframe when I get up.

If that's the one and only factor that is making you suspicious, and it's only happened once, I would let it go. If there's other things/other reasons in combination, then consider how likely it is that the evidence would point to cheating. Do you trust her/believe she would cheat?

[SRCSRC]

This is a tough one to answer.  Has she ever given you any reason to think she might be cheating?  If this occurred not too long ago, you may wish to watch carefully for signs of cheating. How does she react when you bring up the subject?  If my girlfriend suspected that I was cheating, I would smile and kind of laugh, assure her I am not, discuss her concerns fully, and do whatever was possible to show her I wasn't cheating.  I would not be angry, defensive or uncooperative.  Those are signs that something might be up.  How did your wife react when confronted?  

Edited December 11, 2020 by SRCSRC

[Emilie Jolie]

OP, have you asked her recently, straight up, one on one? If it bothers you, it bothers you. You don't want these doubts to kill your relationship, ultimately, so maybe try broaching it one last time over a nice dinner or something, to clear your conscience.

If after that you still have a niggly feeling about it, it might be time to think about the next step in your marriage, because there is nothing like lack of trust.

Not sure how long you've been married or if there are children involved or if this mark from years ago is worth throwing your marriage away - that's your call to make, in good conscience. 

 If it's eating you alive and you just need to know, set up the scene so she doesn't feel judged, trapped or cornered, let her open up to you and let the chips fall where they may.

It could well be that it actually is to do with bruises from the blacktop or whatever, or it could be a trigger to something else, or she might not even remember what you're talking about. 

She also has her own agency; she might look on you as a nervous wreck who can't control his paranoia over irrelevant stuff and she'll be the one to leave. I know I wouldn't want to stay married to someone waiting for you to trip up on some stuff from years ago when you've been a good partner up until now. Very opposite of fun.

[Emilie Jolie]

Just wanted to add it's a triggering situation for me and I didn't handle the reply above very well. I'm sorry, OP, this didn't come out the way I meant it. It's just that this kind of distrust may have an impact on your partner too.

[usa1ah]

On 12/10/2020 at 4:32 AM, Pol said:

Not expecting anyone to believe anything. I'm just saying it was odd. There is only one spot to put your hands in that position. Haha. It was 2 marks on one side and 3 on the other under the crease of her butt. Same width as my fingers and spread out the same as fingers are. 

If you didn’t put the marks there someone else did. Someone could have been standing in front of her and picked her up by her butt. That could be enough pressure to bruise her in that way. 

[usa1ah]

On 12/11/2020 at 12:38 PM, Atwood said:

I bruise easily, and my upper legs are covered in bruises. I bruise just sitting down on a hard surface for too long. Last week, the dog launched himself off my lap and left a bruise on my thigh that ended up looking like a bite mark from a love bite with upper and lower marks. I've also got bruises on the backs of my thighs if the bare skin presses too hard on the metal bedframe when I get up.

If that's the one and only factor that is making you suspicious, and it's only happened once, I would let it go. If there's other things/other reasons in combination, then consider how likely it is that the evidence would point to cheating. Do you trust her/believe she would cheat?

I would be surprised if OP was unaware at this point if his wife  bruised easily like yourself. 
 

I am sure she has sat on hard surfaces before and OP has never seen this type of marks. 

Is she cheating, only she knows this. Should OP stay quiet and watch what she does, yes. 

[FMW]

4 hours ago, usa1ah said:

Should OP stay quiet and watch what she does, yes. 

According to the initial post 

On 12/9/2020 at 2:55 PM, Pol said:

Years ago my wife and I were engaging in sexual activity

this happened years ago.  If there has been no other incidents that made him suspicious, how long is he going to keep watching?

[usa1ah]

3 hours ago, FMW said:

According to the initial post 

this happened years ago.  If there has been no other incidents that made him suspicious, how long is he going to keep watching?

What?????

[LivingWaterPlease]

OP, you asked your wife about it already and she said it could have been because of a place she sat. I'd believe her.

There were two marks on one side and three on the other, I believe you said. Although it's possible she was with someone and not all of their fingers made marks, if it was from fingers it would logically have been from a guy with two fingers on one hand and three on the other.

See what I mean there? Just because there are two or three marks beneath her butt that doesn't mean fingers did it. In fact, I would think it likely that sitting on some kind of uneven surface did it, before I'd think fingers did it.

Why don't you put your fingers in that position on her and see if they leave bruises?

If you have nothing else to go on with this, I'd drop it. Seems very possible to me that the bruises came from something other than fingers. And also they could have come from some kind of dye off blue jeans or clothing. Not saying they did, just that the possibilities are endless as to how the marks got there and don't necessarily indicate sexual behavior, IMO)

Another thing, though. What do you mean you don't care? If she had sex with another guy years ago you don't care? That seems more odd to me than finding bruises beneath her butt.

Edited December 14, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease

[Wiseman2]

On 12/9/2020 at 3:55 PM, Pol said:

.  Years ago my wife and I..... 

How many years ago and why are you thinking about it now?

[ctdans]

So honestly you will never know for sure.  She says no, you have your doubts, thats as far as it will get.  By questioning her, you may have changed a few things though.  She will have some anger issues, maybe kept inside, because you question her character. 

[merrmeade]

On 12/10/2020 at 3:36 AM, Pol said:

No I do not bruise her but I never really tried or grabbed on hard enough to bruise her.  I can understand how you could get bruises from sitting down. However, like I said, the shape and location to me says the are from fingers but probably will never find out for sure

Hey, Pol, you shouldn't 'go away' frustrated if you were surprised or discouraged because some people didn't think it was a big deal. I think you got a good range of possibilities based on what you explained. 

Based on what you shared, I think it's possible the marks were yours - unless there had not been an occasion in the previous 2 (?) weeks when you could have been the one (how long bruises last depends on a person's age). You say you don't grab on hard enough to bruise her, but I don't think anyone can judge how hard they grab another person in a moment of strong urgency, whether sexual or emotional. Some people might grab another's arm when angry and swear it wasn't that hard when bruises show up. I don't see how you can be SO sure, especially when they were in the exact same places you were putting your hands. That's what makes me think it was you - same place, same fingers. It's entirely possible to me that you wouldn't realize. 

my 2 cents

[BaileyB]

I say it’s time to let it go...

Edited February 11, 2021 by BaileyB

[BreakOnThrough]

The real question you should be asking yourself is why you have this notion that she may have cheated based solely on some trivial marks.  If it's only this one particular instance that is bothering you, I would suggest you look inwardly to find why this insecurity exists.  If you are projecting, you need to tread lightly, work on your own issues before you create irreversible damage to your relationship.  Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, once it's ruined, it is incredibly difficult to re-establish.  Find out why you are feeling the way you are before you take any action, as I said, if this is your only reason for your feelings.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Pol, guess you've left the room but just in case you do return, I'd like you to consider a few points. Firstly, what is your gut feel about this incident? Do you have an instinctual and niggling feeling that your wife did in fact, indulge in inappropriate behaviour at that point in time and when you questioned her about it she swept it under the carpet. Also, have you ever had reasons to be suspicious about your wife's behaviour in the way she dresses when going to work or staying out late after work or attending after work parties about which you had been informed at short notice? 

Secondly, what is your relationship like with your wife on a day to day basis? Is she warm and affectionate towards you or is a bit distant and cold? Do these states of behaviour alternate or are generally stable? How long have the two of you been married? Do you have children and if so, what are their ages? If you have children, does your wife devote a lot of time to them while ignoring you? If true, has this been a cause of resentment between the two of you? Do you have big flare ups on a regular basis or are these few and far between or not at all? 

You mentioned that there are periods when your wife withholds sex for a while. Is there any specific reason for this such as her periods or due to sickness or is it due to some moodiness on her part? All these questions are for you to ponder on and not really to answer here unless you are open to doing so. For the most part I think the answers to them will shed light on the root cause of your uncomfortable feelings and help you figure out the way forward from your dilemma. Hope this helps.