I like her, but having a hard time to get to know her

[George9]

After couple of years solo, I started my new dating journey. So far I met 6 different women.

First five were easy going, conversation went fluidly. However, I never met them again. Mostly because I didn't feel like they were my type or simply they did not show any interest in meeting again.

The sixth match was different. Right from the first minute, I saw that I will have to put a bit more effort to keep our conversation flowing. It wasn't an issue while we were chatting outdoor. It started becoming uncomfortable when we sat down for the coffee. At some point it started to feel that I was out of questions and she did not initiate any new topics or asked me about anything. There were several 20-30sec. long awkward silence moments (for some reason, both of us were comfortable with it). At the end of date, we hugged and went separate ways.

Next day I received a message from her saying that she had a good time (so did I). What a bold move, did not expect that at all.

Week later, I invite her for a second date.This time no sitting down, just a classic strolling in the park. We spent good two hours walking. But again I had to be the one to lead the conversation, otherwise we would sink into the silence.

Honestly I am fine with silence moments. What makes me more uncomfortable is that I need to initiate 90% of all the questions and her responses are usually very short, so I have to follow up with more questions to get better understanding.

If my gut did not lie to me, at the end of the second date she was open for a kiss. I didn't go for it, mainly because I wanted to get know her more before going physical.

I really want to meet her again and hopefully to know more of her inner self that she seems to be afraid of sharing with me. But I am not sure that my current tactics are helping me at all.

What are your thoughts on this? Any tips are appreciated. 

[Emilie Jolie]

6 minutes ago, George9 said:

If my gut did not lie to me, at the end of the second date she was open for a kiss. I didn't go for it, mainly because I wanted to get know her more before going physical.

 

What a gentlemanly move!

I have very little dating experience personally but assume that if she isn't warming up to opening up to you by the end of the third meeting, you may have to try and speed things up a little bit yourself and take the lead, ie ask her gently who she thinks things are going. Does she know 100% that you are interested? If not, you might need to do something obvious to state your intentions. It'll be the only way to know whether it's mutual or not.

There are no tactics, really, apart from going with the flow and hoping for the best.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, George9 said:

This time no sitting down, just a classic strolling in the park. We spent good two hours walking. But again I had to be the one to lead the conversation, otherwise we would sink into the silence.

Honestly I am fine with silence moments. What makes me more uncomfortable is that I need to initiate 90% of all the questions and her responses are usually very short.

Ok, set up a third date and see if she's just shy or what. She seems interested.  What topics are you or she interested in? Rather than questions (awkward, puts people on the spot) just have regular conversations.

[QuietRiot]

On 12/9/2020 at 6:46 PM, George9 said:

After couple of years solo, I started my new dating journey. So far I met 6 different women.

First five were easy going, conversation went fluidly. However, I never met them again. Mostly because I didn't feel like they were my type or simply they did not show any interest in meeting again.

The sixth match was different. Right from the first minute, I saw that I will have to put a bit more effort to keep our conversation flowing. It wasn't an issue while we were chatting outdoor. It started becoming uncomfortable when we sat down for the coffee. At some point it started to feel that I was out of questions and she did not initiate any new topics or asked me about anything. There were several 20-30sec. long awkward silence moments (for some reason, both of us were comfortable with it). At the end of date, we hugged and went separate ways.

Next day I received a message from her saying that she had a good time (so did I). What a bold move, did not expect that at all.

Week later, I invite her for a second date.This time no sitting down, just a classic strolling in the park. We spent good two hours walking. But again I had to be the one to lead the conversation, otherwise we would sink into the silence.

Honestly I am fine with silence moments. What makes me more uncomfortable is that I need to initiate 90% of all the questions and her responses are usually very short, so I have to follow up with more questions to get better understanding.

If my gut did not lie to me, at the end of the second date she was open for a kiss. I didn't go for it, mainly because I wanted to get know her more before going physical.

I really want to meet her again and hopefully to know more of her inner self that she seems to be afraid of sharing with me. But I am not sure that my current tactics are helping me at all.

What are your thoughts on this? Any tips are appreciated. 

If she was open for a kiss, I'd go for it anyways. I've always have. Some people on these boards haves stated if you haven't made any kind of physical move if she's giving signals, that you may miss out and this could put you in the friend zone or just not hear back from her.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

If she was open for a kiss, I'd go for it anyways. 

Be careful with this in covid times. Don't lunge in for that. Start with more subtle contact such as arm around her, holding hands etc.

She won't feel "friendzoned" if you ask her on dates but be mindful, especially if she is a bit shy at first.

[QuietRiot]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Be careful with this in covid times. Don't lunge in for that. Start with more subtle contact such as arm around her, holding hands etc.

She won't feel "friendzoned" if you ask her on dates but be mindful, especially if she is a bit shy at first.

Well, I was talking in the context of pre-Covid times. lol. Of course, that wasn't the reason he said he didn't want to kiss her.

[Fletch Lives]

A good relationship is a friendship on fire. Relationships are hard as it is.........you want someone who takes less work, not more. I'd keep fishing.

High maintenance women are not worth it.

[d0nnivain]

She may just be a bad conversationalist who sucks at dating.  If she was open for a kiss, she likes you. 

What you characterize as the "bold move" of texting you the next day to thank you for the date was not bold.  In this modern age, it's practically a requirement.  A lady does that to signal to the guy that she is open to continued contact.   If you don't get a text like that after a date, you better start wondering if the lady wants to see you again. 

With Covid I can understand reluctance to kiss.  Your stated reason -- that you were being a gentleman -- will be lost on her & she will conclude you didn't kiss her because you didn't find her attractive.   Be careful you don't inadvertently kill her interest by being too reticent

[Millennial]

Some people are just kind of reserved. I was in this situation last year. Woman that I liked quite a lot, but she was an extremely poor conversationalist and it didn't improve much over several months.

Not necessarily a deal-breaker, but it can be hard to be around after a while and I think it's quite a big flaw to have for my tastes. I agree that it's a sort of being high maintenance.

[MeadowFlower]

On 12/10/2020 at 12:46 PM, George9 said:

I really want to meet her again and hopefully to know more of her inner self that she seems to be afraid of sharing with me. But I am not sure that my current tactics are helping me at all.

Getting to know more of her inner self will take time if she is a reserved person. If you aren't willing to give her time to open up more, or you don't like private people, then don't waste her time. You need patience and understanding to be with a woman like this. 

 

Also, try doing something on a date, rather than sitting down and just talking. Allow her to be relaxed.