basil67 Posted December 10, 2020 Share Posted December 10, 2020 20 minutes ago, JosephineGo05 said: That's true. And if I date a man like this and I have only known him for a little while, then there is still a risk that he might decide to rape me just because he knows that he can do it so easily. Have you heard of 'bait and switch'? It's when a person pretends to be all nice and caring until our defenses come down and then the real person shows through. You need a long while before you genuinely know the personality of the person you're dating. 20 minutes ago, JosephineGo05 said: This is one reason why I rarely date the boys that I am physically attracted to. This makes absolutely no sense in terms of either safety or just plain logic. Not to mention it being a complete waste of their time to date you. Why would you choose to use men in this way? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 This is not about your size or height. This is anxiety, obsession and catastrophizing. The good news is, your height is fine and the real problems are very treatable with a qualified therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 14 hours ago, JosephineGo05 said: That's true. And if I date a man like this and I have only known him for a little while, then there is still a risk that he might decide to rape me just because he knows that he can do it so easily. This is one reason why I rarely date the boys that I am physically attracted to. But I do find tall and strong men very attractive - I just need to feel totally comfortable with them, so that they feel protective instead of threatening. And I will certainly consider some self-defense course, so that this becomes less of a problem. Again it has absolutely nothing to do with your size. You could be a 6' tall woman and still get raped. Tall men are not the only men who will rape you. Don't depend on men to protect you, but as Donnivain said your brain is your best defense. Stay vigilant. Also vet guys before you date them whether they are tall, short, skinny or fat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Millennial Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 I'm sometimes paranoid about it too as a guy. Sometimes when I'm walking behind a woman late at night, I'll just turn down a different road to get to the same place or something like that. I like to stroll around without feeling awkward or making others feel awkward. So it's just one of those things. The bus stop guy probably picked up on the vibe, but not much he can really do about it. Perhaps consider taking up something like Judo. You'd be surprised how different the world looks when you know that you can kill someone with their own clothes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 On 12/10/2020 at 12:54 PM, JosephineGo05 said: I have always been one of the shorter girls among me and my friends, and I have currently been 4'10 for 3 years, and I have heard that I have probably stopped growing, and I am also light, with a weight of about 92 lbs. I'm assuming that means you're quite young (late teens/early 20s?) Even as a guy, when I first moved to the city I had a vaguely similar fear (not to do with rape, but being mugged) since I wasn't exactly the tallest or strongest guy out there. But you soon realise that most people are just going about their business and want to do the right thing - even those who look stereotypically "dangerous". And there are precautions you can take - for example if you're out late at night, busier, well lit places are usually good. If you're on a first date and can't trust the guy, pick a public space. That's why I always suggest meeting at a moderately busy restaurant, bar, cafe or something rather than the person's house - it's less threatening, but also to me, it's way more fun anyway! I can also highly recommend martial arts/self defence classes - not only for the confidence boost, but it's a really fun way to keep fit. It builds "agile" fitness too which a lot of other types of exercise can't do. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 17 hours ago, Millennial said: Perhaps consider taking up something like Judo. You'd be surprised how different the world looks when you know that you can kill someone with their own clothes. This is a great idea. Marital arts can build confidence and you can learn some useful skills. Lots of women are also taking up boxing. Watch some old Bruce Lee movies. Small man but moved like there was no gravity. Link to post Share on other sites
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