Should I tell my ex friend with benefits his girlfriend stalks me?

[DeannaDab]

Basically we were good friends and slept together last year when we were single, he got a gf, kept her a secret for 6 months while flirting with me, finally told me and tried to stay friends, gf started hating me because she thought I wanted to destroy their relationship because he “liked” a photo I posted.

We cut off contact, had one last call, I got emotional, he got horny and sexual. He said I should talk to his gf and assure her I don’t wanna do any harm. She texted me on Fb, deleted the texts, blocked me and unblocked me, then texted me on Whatsapp being very demanding when I told her I was at work, then texted during the night wanting to call me, then called me for real, snapped at me, interrogated me, lied to be about not having gone through his phone, said I bothered her, got mad at me that he wanted to sleep with me 4 years ago, demanded all the texts with him. He never told her he was flirtatious, but told her I was emotional in our last call. I blocked them both. Ran into him a couple of times and couldn’t even greet him.

Fast forward now, 6 months later. A friend told me she was liking some comments on Fb that were directky adressing me and disagreeing with me, even if she couldn’t see my content. I thought it was a coincidence and laughed it off. But then she viewed my LinkedIn profile, although there is no professional connection. He viewed it two days later. Then she sent me a follow request which might or might not have been a misclick, idk.

So should I message him on LinkedIn and record my screen where I show him all I described above so that he sees it’s legit?

What would you have done if you had been me? What would you do if you were him? I feel like I am about to do something petty and sh...tty.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, DeannaDab said:

I blocked them both.

then she viewed my LinkedIn profile, although there is no professional connection. He viewed it two days later.

Block them on there as well. Reset your privacy settings and make sure to reset your social media privacy settings as well. Stay away from both of them and their crazy relationship.

[d0nnivain]

That is not stalking; it's keeping an eye on a threat.  Just stay out of it.  Decline the follow request. 

She has reasons not to trust her BF / your FWB.  He kept her a secret & continued to flirt with you.  Just drop both of them for a while.  When she sees you have walked away cleanly she's simmer down.  The more you engage with her & him, you fuel her suspicions.  

[DeannaDab]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

That is not stalking; it's keeping an eye on a threat.  Just stay out of it.  Decline the follow request. 

She has reasons not to trust her BF / your FWB.  He kept her a secret & continued to flirt with you.  Just drop both of them for a while.  When she sees you have walked away cleanly she's simmer down.  The more you engage with her & him, you fuel her suspicions.  

I thought she’d simmer down 6 months ago when I blocked them both.

[d0nnivain]

Ew.  She is just one of those but you telling your EX will make it worse.  Just do your best to stay far away from them. You don't need her drama.  

[smackie9]

No what you do is block and delete him from your social media and set your settings to "friends only" If want this to stop, and help him out, this is the course of action you must take.

[DeannaDab]

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

No what you do is block and delete him from your social media and set your settings to "friends only" If want this to stop, and help him out, this is the course of action you must take.

It’s LinkedIn and works differently, I also have other public social media profiles that I wish to keep public for professional reasons. I can’t look them up and block them everywhere so this doesn’t keep happening.

[smackie9]

That's fine, just tell him to stop contacting you/liking your stuff, etc. Block delete his number. Then there is nothing to worry about...let her look all she wants.

 

Edited December 11, 2020 by smackie9

[kendahke]

After the first time she contacted you, you should have blocked her. You don't have anything to do with her relationship with this guy now, so there is no reason for her to be in contact with you and you don't owe her an audience. He's the one who has all the answers to the questions she needs.

Now she's stalking you all over social media and could wind up really hurting you professionally by getting vicious with your professional links on LinkedIn.

This has entered into the realm of harassment.  Block both of them.

[kendahke]

52 minutes ago, DeannaDab said:

I can’t look them up and block them everywhere so this doesn’t keep happening.

so put up with it and the fall out from not resetting your parameters on your social media accounts.

You honestly think she's going to stop if she's still doing this 6 months after the fact?

 

[Cookiesandough]

How about this, just ignore it and move forward with your life. Stop wasting your energy on the relationship of someone who would rather date someone else and not you. Block her or just let her like your stuff. Let her look at your LinkedIn. Who cares if she sees your CV. Maybe she can fwd it to some employers who may be interested.. 

Edited December 11, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[DeannaDab]

3 hours ago, kendahke said:

After the first time she contacted you, you should have blocked her. You don't have anything to do with her relationship with this guy now, so there is no reason for her to be in contact with you and you don't owe her an audience. He's the one who has all the answers to the questions she needs.

Now she's stalking you all over social media and could wind up really hurting you professionally by getting vicious with your professional links on LinkedIn.

This has entered into the realm of harassment.  Block both of them.

But this is exactly what I did. I blocked them both 6 months ago on the platforms they had accounts on back then. I totally agree with you, but now tbh I’m afraid of fake accounts or stuff. If someone wants to do harm, they will anyway.

[Acacia98]

On 12/11/2020 at 12:19 AM, DeannaDab said:

What would you have done if you had been me? What would you do if you were him? I feel like I am about to do something petty and sh...tty.

She obviously had issues going in, but it sounds like he's also doing something to fuel her insecurities and jealousy. It's possible he's cheating on her and she thinks he's cheating with you (because you are the former lover she knows of). It's possible he keeps mentioning you "innocently." Don't make the mistake of reaching out to him. He is part of the problem.

Look for their accounts on every platform you're on and block them. Let calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail. Just generally be cautious and observant of your environment. Because she actually sounds unhinged.

[DeannaDab]

Just now, Acacia98 said:

She obviously had issues going in, but it sounds like he's also doing something to fuel her insecurities and jealousy. It's possible he's cheating on her and she thinks he's cheating with you (because you are the former lover she knows of). It's possible he keeps mentioning you "innocently." Don't make the mistake of reaching out to him. He is part of the problem.

Look for their accounts on every platform you're on and block them. Let calls from unknown numbers go to voicemail. Just generally be cautious and observant of your environment. Because she actually sounds unhinged.

He and I are in different countries right now, but she’s living in my city. So yeah she’d be crazy to suspect an affair and I don’t think he is the type to physically cheat because he pretends to be this loyal family man (lol). But the dude rejected her 3 times before settling for her, and in the meantime he was sleeping around, with me included. He told me he’s with her because he wants to settle for a good housewife. I mean yeah she is nuts and in denial, but I’d be too if I got rejected that many times.

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, just ignore her. 

This isn't stalking, but if you have real concerns about her - go to the authorities. Not him. He's a tool and it will do nothing but suck you back into their drama. 

 

[smackie9]

OK so it seems she's looking for answers...just give them to her, verbally tell her, no text. Throw him under the bus. This guy you call a friend is the reason why this is all happening.

Tell her everything, that you slept together the one time, you had no idea he got a GF, he purposely withheld that from you and continued to flirt with you for those 6 months. Then explain her BF is the problem not you, that you have severed ties and want nothing to do with him. Then say you wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him. Better keep an eye on him, that you may not have been the only one. And let the attention shift from you back to him.

Note: I would have torn a strip off him, when he asked to tell his GF there is nothing going on. He's being a true weenie. He deserves the grief he has caused.

[DeannaDab]

36 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

OK so it seems she's looking for answers...just give them to her, verbally tell her, no text. Throw him under the bus. This guy you call a friend is the reason why this is all happening.

Tell her everything, that you slept together the one time, you had no idea he got a GF, he purposely withheld that from you and continued to flirt with you for those 6 months. Then explain her BF is the problem not you, that you have severed ties and want nothing to do with him. Then say you wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him. Better keep an eye on him, that you may not have been the only one. And let the attention shift from you back to him.

Note: I would have torn a strip off him, when he asked to tell his GF there is nothing going on. He's being a true weenie. He deserves the grief he has caused.

You didn’t read my post. We were single when we slept together. I already talked to her via video call 6 freaking months ago and I told her everything I had proof for. She still snapped and yelled at me. I blocked them both, now this LinkedIn lurking happened.

[d0nnivain]

17 minutes ago, DeannaDab said:

 I already talked to her via video call 6 freaking months ago and I told her everything I had proof for. She still snapped and yelled at me.

This is where you went wrong.  Other then a curt "how do you do?" accompanied by a tight smile IF you accidental bump into an EX while that person is out with a new SO, there is never reason to speak to an EXs new SO, ever about anything.   You never should have had a video call with her about anything.  Once she snapped & yelled, you shou;d have hung up & blocked.  Instead you kept on talking to her.  Because you engaged she assumed you cared enough to still be a threat. 

Of course she's insecure.  She knows he settled for her, rather than picked her & fought for her.  Just stay away from them & all their drama. 

Edited December 12, 2020 by d0nnivain

[smackie9]

20 minutes ago, DeannaDab said:

You didn’t read my post. We were single when we slept together. I already talked to her via video call 6 freaking months ago and I told her everything I had proof for. She still snapped and yelled at me. I blocked them both, now this LinkedIn lurking happened.

My apologies.

If she has done no harm to you, and you stopped talking to him then that is all you can do....ignore it. Giving her a reaction will only increase the activity, because to her she's winning. There will be a day when this will stop...because there is nothing to fight over.

Edited December 12, 2020 by smackie9

[Acacia98]

On 12/11/2020 at 12:19 AM, DeannaDab said:

Basically we were good friends and slept together last year when we were single, he got a gf, kept her a secret for 6 months while flirting with me, finally told me and tried to stay friends, (...)

We cut off contact, had one last call, I got emotional, he got horny and sexual. 

@OP, I'm not sure why you think this guy is not the cheating type. The two bits quoted above scream, "Cheater!"

 

[smackie9]

It's frustrating for sure....but TBH if your friend didn't approach you about the FB thing, would you really have noticed? And has your life changed dramatically because of her activity?

She's not worth your time to be taking up anymore of your headspace. Like a flea, just flick it off.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, DeannaDab said:

 I blocked them both, now this LinkedIn lurking happened.

Sort of seems like a bunny boiler situation.🐇😬 Hope you were successful in blocking, them on All social media. You may have to reset things to more private settings. Make sure your views of anyone's profiles are not tracked on LinkedIn.

[smackie9]

I wouldn't worry about fake accounts. Anyone that sends me a request is scrutinized. A quick google search can reveal this. Also I check to see if they have any connection with someone on my list, and ask them about this person if I want to investigate further.

[MsJayne]

Why were you emotional in your last call to him? FWB situations are very shallow and potentially damaging, and usually one party wants a real relationship. Why would he even need to mention you to her? Sounds to me like he's using you to goad her and maybe he's the one you should be peeved at. The guy you've described is a jerk and both you and the GF should slam the door in his face. 

[DeannaDab]

16 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Why were you emotional in your last call to him? FWB situations are very shallow and potentially damaging, and usually one party wants a real relationship. Why would he even need to mention you to her? Sounds to me like he's using you to goad her and maybe he's the one you should be peeved at. The guy you've described is a jerk and both you and the GF should slam the door in his face. 

We had been close friends for 5 years and we ended up in bed. We discussed the possibilities of a relationship but there were too many fundamental differences (I don’t want someone that takes drugs and he doesn’t want someone that doesn’t want kids). I really cared for him as a friend and it hurt, but he admitted that he had been wanting to sleep with me since we first met, even if he ended up liking me.