Binny90 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 (edited) Hi there, I wanted to reach out to get others views and opinion on my situation and perhaps some advice... I (31) have been together with my boyfriend (32) have been together for about 9 months now and we live together. My boyfriend has lots of friends, more than me and he goes out often about 4-5 times a week mostly after work to have beers with his friends and about 2-3 times a month on weekends, he also spends every Sundays visiting his elderly parents. I feel his busy life leaves me not much time with him. I feel like I’m always coming home to an empty house even though he finishes earlier than me. It makes me feel he rather be out then spend time with me. I’ve started to question lately whether our lives are compatible but at the same time I feel silly to let our differences wreck an great relationship. I don’t want to control him and I’ve mentioned to him that it’s not fun coming home to an empty house Edited December 11, 2020 by Binny90 Typo Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 12 minutes ago, Binny90 said: I’ve started to question lately whether our lives are compatible but at the same time I feel silly to let our differences wreck an great relationship. I don’t want to control him and I’ve mentioned to him that it’s not fun coming home to an empty house And how did he respond? Also, I would ask yourself how great the relationship can possibly be if you don't spend much time together, Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 7 minutes ago, Binny90 said: have been together for about 9 months now and we live together. . I feel like I’m always coming home to an empty house Sorry this is happening. Why did you move in together so quickly? Is that when the trouble started? It's sad he is taking you for granted this much only 36 weeks into dating. He clearly prefers hanging out with anyone and everyone over being with you. Don't be a forgotten fixture in his place. Cut your losses and move out asap. You're seeing his true colors and that is you're no more than a refrigerator or sofa, he can forget about you and just come home if/when he feels like it.. which is way down on the list after drinking, friends, partying,etc. Was he this bad in the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 These after work beers....does he have two and come home after an hour? Or does he have several and come home messed up? The first could be tolerable, the second would be a deal breaker. Are you mostly invited on weekend drinks? If yes, I'd tolerate it, if no, I'd be out of there. Please note my use of the word "tolerate" as opposed to "I'd be fine with" And for what it's worth, your guy's choices absolutely show that he'd rather be with his friends than at home being a partner. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 There is no covid restrictions where you live? His behavior is extremely dangerous especially for his elderly parents. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 3 hours ago, Binny90 said: It makes me feel he rather be out then spend time with me. And you would be correct. He is living the life of a single guy. He is taking advantage, best of both worlds. He goes out all the time and you wait at home for him and no doubt provide sex, food and a clean house. What's not to like? I guess you will not be able to stop him acting this way. Playing him at his own game will likely only lead to fights and a big mess, so do yourself a favour and leave him to it. Otherwise you will grow bitter and resentful and he will hate you for curtailing his fun. Walk away. Find someone who does want to spend their free time with you. Be glad you didn't marry him... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 IMO you moved in too fast but here it may be a blessing in disguise. You learned that he's a party boy. He enjoys the social scene. That will never stop. You could marry & have kids but he will always go for after work beers. Spending time with his elderly parents is an obligation & shows that he's respectful. I find that commendable. Would you be welcome to join him for those after work drinks? If yes, that is a good thing, not a sign of cheating or a preference to be away from you. If no, that could spell trouble. Next, do you want to join in? If yes, start going. If no, then you two do have a lifestyle incompatibility that won't change over time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 I know that having a life outside the relationship is healthy BUT this is pretty extreme. The big question is, why can't you be with him when he makes plans to do things with his friends? Why not join them for a beer? Why not make suggestions to do things together? Basically you are going to have to express your feelings about this, like what you told us. That you are feeling alone in this relationship because he's out a lot of the time. When you are in a relationship you become as one, and share your lives and here just living together, you are only getting a small portion of that. Me I dated someone with a busy life, I dumped him after about 3 weeks because I saw where it was going....nowhere. I wanted more. If you two can't come to some kind of compromise, and he isn't willing to budge on his social life, then you should be looking for a new BF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted December 12, 2020 Share Posted December 12, 2020 Start making Friday night date night. That way you are guaranteed special romantic time every week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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