Was he telling the truth or was it BS?

[girlnextdoor2020]

15 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

Well we ended up not having the date...

We talked before about Italian food, and we both like it, and I told him there's a really nice Italian restaurant where I live, so he asked if I wanted to go there today and I said yes. I told him I'll call the restaurant because I wasn't sure if they were open.

So today at lunch time I called the restaurant and they said yes they are open, I sent him a message saying that to him and he responded great and that he was going to walk the dogs and to the gym and we can set up the time later. I said ok. 

And then he said nothing for hours, and sent me a message at already dinner time asking what time are we going to have dinner... I said it's already dinner time. He then said he was waiting for me to say something!? Well I was waiting for him to say something, because when I told him about the restaurant being open instead of wanting to decide the time to meet, he said he was busy and we decide later.

He then called me to say sorry and that he didn't understand I was trying to set up the time when I told him I called the restaurant, and that he hopes we can have dinner some other day.

To be honest, I have lost interest.

That part in bold was his "reason" not to do anything. YOU called the restaurant when he asked you out. It should have been HIS job to do.

Because you did his job, he was basically sitting down waiting for you to do the rest: book a table, contact him, decide the time, etc. This is just a lazy guy.

Next time do nothing. The guy asked you out, he should do the effort and make it easier for you, not hard. 

[Kaarek]

I'll try to be as nice as possible. I think his behavior isn't dodgy at all. The way you describe it makes it look like you're just needy. 

As many others suggested, it takes time to get to know someone. Try to meet them in real-life asap you can, unless you just want a chat buddy. You seem vulnerable to someone that doesn't reply right away, and you start assuming they're doing it on purpose.

Assuming it is a horrible thing, try to get rid of it. It will bring you nothing but negative thoughts and overall lousy energy.

 

[Versacehottie]

I agree with Kaarek that this was some of the problem.  I think the guy sensed it and it meant he put other prioirities (and probably other dates) before you.  And it devolved from there on each of your ends. 

[ladybug2021]

4 hours ago, Kaarek said:

I'll try to be as nice as possible. I think his behavior isn't dodgy at all. The way you describe it makes it look like you're just needy. 

As many others suggested, it takes time to get to know someone. Try to meet them in real-life asap you can, unless you just want a chat buddy. You seem vulnerable to someone that doesn't reply right away, and you start assuming they're doing it on purpose.

Assuming it is a horrible thing, try to get rid of it. It will bring you nothing but negative thoughts and overall lousy energy.

 

I am needy and vulnerable to people who don't reply quickly because he left me waiting to make dinner arrangements for the dinner he invited me, on the day we were supposed to have dinner? I think that lazy as* was lucky I still cared.

[Watercolors]

On 12/11/2020 at 7:26 AM, poppyfields said:

I'm wondering, let's say he got to chatting with another woman (his right to do at this point) and lost track of time, would you have preferred he be truthful about that versus telling you a white lie?  Would it have made you feel better?  

Think about that because most women would NOT be okay with a guy they like chatting up another woman (and telling them about it) and any man with two brain cells to rub together knows that. 

So yeah, maybe it was a white lie, maybe it wasn't.  I doubt his intention was to cause you this much angst which franky there should not be.  

I think the problem is all the pre-meet protracted texting has caused you to have expectations and you've become somewhat invested.

Your initial post said he told you he wouid like to talk more after dinner.  This is quite ambiguous and could be interpreted a few different ways.  

To me, it was not a promise or even a statement that he "wouid" call after dinner, so not sure what you're concerned about. 

LB, if you want to be successful at dating and find your Mr. Right, it's important to be flexible. 

This should not even be an issue imo.  He appears to like you, you're having nice chats, he has invited you to dinner, focus on those things. 

You and him. Not what you suspect he might be doing with other women.

Lord girl, you're gonna drive yourself crazy with these thoughts.  I know you like him but please try and chill.

At least until you meet, click and start dating!

Have fun!  

 

 

Poppy, have you even read her OP? 

She asked if the way he didn’t respond to her, was BS. And here you are, telling her that she’s overreacting and should give him a chance. 

LadyBug, my answer to you is YES he was BS’ing you. And I agree with Wiseman that texting is not dating. 

Look at the facts here. You’ve already told him that you want to set up that first dinner date, yet he refuses to do that with you. And, when you asked him to get back to you after he ate dinner and he didn’t, except for that lame smiley face (I would have blocked and deleted him at that point, what an a**h***). Then, he lied to you that he forgot his phone at home while he was out with so-called friends he hadn’t seen in a long time. That was a blatant lie. He went out on a date with another woman, and that’s why he didn’t get back to you 

I am going to tell you to just delete and block him. He’s shown you that no matter how caretaking you are, he doesn’t see himself asking you out for a real date. To him right now, you’re just someone fun to text with, whom he doesn’t have to meet in person. Because you are so accommodating to him, LadyBug, letting him walk all over you, he will just continue to text you and continue to make up ridiculous reasons why he doesn’t respond to your texts, or, give you the silent “smiley face” response when you ask him to commit to an actual date to meet in person. 

He is literally using you as a back-up, for an ego boost. 

Because truth be told LadyBug, if he wanted to meet you in person, he wouldn’t overcomplicate it. It’s a first date for god sake. All he has to do is suggest a date that you can agree to, a venue that you can agree to, then you two meet in person and see how it goes. 

But he will not do that and you’ve given him 3 weeks of back and forth texting chances, because you are so over accommodating. 

Let him go. He’s not interested in meeting you. And since OLD is about options, he’s not invested in respecting your feelings enough to be straightforward with you. The quicker you understand that about these strange men you supposedly emotionally bond with, the better you’ll be at weeding out the testers, the ghosters, the liars, and the psychos. Normal guys are not complicated. Period. 

And, texting is not dating. I don’t care how you want to justify that it is, but no, it’s not. It’s a one dimensional representation of a person which is not accurate or truthful. It’s just words on a screen. Do not bond to those words on a screen. They mean nothing. 

[Watercolors]

42 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said:

I am needy and vulnerable to people who don't reply quickly because he left me waiting to make dinner arrangements for the dinner he invited me, on the day we were supposed to have dinner? I think that lazy as* was lucky I still cared.

Since you are this way, then OLD is not a good platform for you to use, to meet eligible men. I know that’s hard for you to hear. 

These men owe you nothing, LadyBug. They are, for all intents and purposes, total strangers to you, as you are to them. You are a dating profile on a screen, a phone number they can text. You are not flesh and blood to any of these men, until you meet them in person. 

How old are you, might I ask? Have you been using OLD for a long time, or is this brand new for you? 

You need to develop a really thick skin and to lower your expectations to zero, with men who online date. 

You are needy and vulnerable because you feel entitled to being treated with respect. But these men don’t know you. You are just an online dating profile until they meet you in person. You will never get real respect from them, while they are trying to multi-date lots of women, in order to find “the one” they want to be in an offline, real life, relationship with.

So, I would urge you to lower your expectations, and learn how to set limits with yourself and with them. Give them a week to set up the first date with you. If they can’t be bothered, then tell them, “Thanks, but no thanks.” 

Spending weeks upon weeks of texting back and forth is not dating. It’s becoming addicted to the attention of texts from men who are complete strangers, until you get to know them in real life.

There’s an element of risk doing that too, b/c you don’t know them until you spend time with them in person. 

He didn’t do anything wrong other than treat you like an option, which you are, to him, anyway. He has no desire to meet you in person or he would have arranged for that to happen. I know that’s hard to hear but I feel like you are attracted to the fantasy of this guy you’ve been texting for weeks, and won’t let go of him, until he gives you what you want from him: a first date in person. 

Edited December 14, 2020 by Watercolors

[Miss Spider]

2 hours ago, ladybug2021 said:

I am needy and vulnerable to people who don't reply quickly because he left me waiting to make dinner arrangements for the dinner he invited me, on the day we were supposed to have dinner? I think that lazy as* was lucky I still cared.

 

Moreso because he wasn’t treating you the way that you wanted to be and you still tolerated it. There is nothing wrong with having standards for the men that you date. Plenty of people are fast responders and plenty of men plan first dates. But it’s up to you to uphold your standards by dismissing the men who don’t meet them

[Gaeta]

He was delaying because he was working on winning over another prospect. If winning that other prospect had failed then he would have moved to you. This guy is multi-dating, nothing wrong with that except he's sloppy or inexperienced and he doesn't know how to do it while respecting everyone's time. 

[tempover100]

Obligatory I didn't read full thread. You've been chatting for several days online/texting, have not met up, are excited about each other (or was until this point). There is really no foundation built yet, and you could both walk away unscathed if you wanted right now.

Whether his reply about the friends is true or not, you'll probably never know. If it were me, I'd simply reply with, "ok hope you had fun" and leave it at that. No real reason to call him out or allow this to distraught you even more. I like this approach because it tells him you saw the message, but aren't super involved so you're not waiting around. You have a life! A wonderful one, hopefully. It's really a non-answer, and if he is still interested he'll reach out and make those dinner plans concrete. At the end of the day, you guys are still strangers. Maybe this is just how he communicates. Don't put all your eggs in this basket just yet. 

Edited December 15, 2020 by tempover100