I want to tell him in a way where we can still have some sort of relationship and hopefully get along with one another after the divorce

[Princess_Buttercup]

How do you tell your spouse you want a divorce?

I still care for my spouse and he cares for me but I believe it would be best for both of us if we end our marriage. 
 

we have attended MC where we have discussed that D was something we were thinking about-more so me than him. 
 

I know there is not a good way of breaking the news to him. But suggestions would be welcomed. One of my friends suggested I do it during MC-husband can get aggressive and confrontational when told things he doesn’t like to hear, not physically aggressive, just gets very angry and say hurtful things.  But I feel that our 22 year relationship deserves more than me telling him with an ‘audience’. 
 

I want to tell him in a way where we can still have some sort of relationship and hopefully get along with one another after the D. Is this even possible?!

 

[FMW]

Like you said, there's no good way to tell him.  But I would tell him one on one unless you feel he might be physically abusive.  I agree that having an audience is not the respectful way to go.   

My ex-husband said a few angry hurtful things to me when I told him I wanted a divorce, and he continued to say them for several months.  Even though I had told him only a month or so prior that I wasn't sure I could stay in the marriage (and fully discussed why), he claimed to be blindsided when I made the decision.  That's unfortunately just the way it goes sometimes.  But we got through it and eventually even worked out our own property settlement terms so it kept the attorney fees lower. 

I had hoped for us to still be able to talk regularly and salvage a little of the friendship part of our relationship, but it didn't work out that way.  We get along ok, but our contact is limited and I've discovered that's for the best.     

But neither my experience nor anyone else's is necessarily predictive of what you will experience, so just make sure to plan your strategy to give you a better chance of things going the way you want.  Pick a time when there aren't any distractions and he's not in a bad mood to let him know your decision.  Prepare yourself for possible outbursts and try to stay calm.  

Good luck.  I'm sorry you find yourself at this point.  

[Harry Korsnes]

Hmmm

Why after 22 years? 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Princess_Buttercup said:

 . One of my friends suggested I do it during MC-husband can get aggressive and confrontational when told things he doesn’t like to hear, 

You need professionals in your corner if he has a habit of mental abuse. Do Not Announce it to him until you get legal advice.

First you tell trusted friends and family. You start planning your exit strategy.

You privately and confidentially talk to an attorney about divorce and particularly divorcing a mentally abusive husband.

Your attorney will advise you on how and when to deliver the news.

You don't need your husband's permission to divorce, so there's no need to announce it before you get appropriate legal advice.

Stop going to marriage therapy and go privately and confidentiality to your own therapist.

 

[Fletch Lives]

I'd talk to a counselor about it.

[mark clemson]

14 hours ago, Princess_Buttercup said:

I want to tell him in a way where we can still have some sort of relationship and hopefully get along with one another after the D. Is this even possible?!

It's possible, but it's not IMO something you can control. It will depend on a lot of things, such as how he takes it, whether he interprets as a betrayal of sorts, etc. Some people are obviously vindictive, others are but you don't see it until a "tipping point" is hit.

Overall, do what you can to moderate the impact, but I don't think you can plan for the other person to remain reasonable. The saying hope for the best, but plan for the worst, which might apply well here.

I would also note that having an orbiter Ex around could in theory interfere with you moving on if that is part of the plan here.