I don't know what to put here?

[LouSifa]

Sorry this is more of a rant from a desperate man.  I have nowhere else to turn. 
 

I know in all relationships there are ups and downs. It’s for better or worse. I’m lonely and I need things that I’m not getting at home. No matter how hard I try things will never change because the problem isn’t on my end.  Things like romance and intimacy are completely missing from my life for the past 9 years. No hugs, no kisses, no sex. Well a hug or peck in front of her coworkers (I guess to pretend like things are good).I think her perfect mate would have been “Carl” from Terminator Dark Fate.
 

I feel like she isn’t being honest (again) about our life together. We started as friends and I feel she married me for the wrong reasons. I also fully believe she has always been in love with another man, whom was a coworker, whom has moved on to a promotion at a different job (and a different housewife allegedly a few years ago) per her update. I can’t prove she had sex with him; although I am sure she did.  I caught her on the phone with him late at night after 11pm, when I got back from a sporting event and I ran upstairs when I heard her talking and her face had this deer in the headlight look. She would say they hung out with other coworkers, but they were always sitting close together among the other people. So for argument sake for the women whom will cape for her, can we agree it was an “emotional affair”. If my kids didn’t look like me, I’d have to go on Maury. I noticed when he moved on with his life, the sex and everything stopped around the time he left which was about the 9yrs. She has been more depressed and it’s like I said there’s nothing going on between us. All signs of someone heart broken because I’ve been there way back when I was in high school. I didn’t want to be with any other girls because the one I wanted broke my heart. She won’t be honest about any of this and I won’t hack her phone to see if the calls she only sits in her car to take are still him. She says she is always talking to one of her female coworker the best friend whom I know. More tragedies (yes plural) recently struck in my life and I’m just broken now. Broken where I can’t be fixed. I’m becoming the machine. The only thing I feel now is duty to my kids and duty to my community. I don’t want to add to a stereotype of another black father leaving his kids and truth be told; I don’t wanna leave. For what? To repeat the same bs all over with a new chick?  I’m still solely attracted to 20 somethings, but in reality I’m old enough to be their dad now. I’m not trying to be Chris Rock in that I think I love my wife movie. I personally would’ve still *****ed 30 something Kerri Washington after all that crap she put him through because the emotional cheating he did in that movie if you ask me was far worse than a physical one. The irony is that I tried and failed. These online sites are full of inactive profiles and bots. The few women on them are looking for perfection and I’m far from it. Post COVID-19 hell, there’s no place to meet in person. The grocery stores are about it and most of those women seem to be happy. I dont even want a relationship. Believe it or not, I just want a 30 minute LIE maybe once a week....and I mean both uses of that word.

[Fletch Lives]

7 minutes ago, LouSifa said:

We started as friends and I feel she married me for the wrong reasons.

If she married for reasons other than love, yeah that's no good. If she did not love you then, she's not going to love you now. I think divorce is okay in that situation. Then you can find a new woman, a real love.

[smackie9]

Divorce and being a great father can be one of the most positive healthy things you can do. Stop talking yourself out of it, and just do it. Kids are happier with two happy moved on with their lives parents than two unhappy cold to each other parents. Kids pickup on this stuff, they know your marriage is an unhappy one....so what are you teaching your kids? As for being single, who said you had to go out banging a bunch of chicks, or find one to replace your wife? You can give yourself some proper time to adjust, settle in your new life, and take your time committing to the right one. You have leaned a lot about yourself in the last 9+years, and you are not the same person....a more wiser person now. Be positive, do the right thing, and move on with confidence.

Edited December 12, 2020 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like you want to cheat and the lack of sex at home will be your justification.

Happens all the time, unfortunately.

[Gaeta]

Nine  years is a very long time with no intimacy and completely justifies divorcing. I know you're thinking of cheating but you don't want to be that kind of man. Cheating always comes out in the open and you don't want your children to grow up knowing you cheated on their mom. No matter how you would explain to them you felt abandoned by your wife you will always be viewed as the cheating dad. Divorcing doesn't mean you abandon  your children either. I don't know how old they are but you could go for a shared custody and continue being fully present in their life.  When I divorced my ex-husband I found a place not too far from our daughter's school, she was 13 at the time. She spent as much time with him as she did with me. People would ask her do you want mom and dad to get back together? She'd reply no, things are ok the way they are.