Carmelsund Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 Hi everyone, here is my story. Iam a 43yr old female, iam a RN a pediatric nurse married 22years with 4 children one girl and three boys. We are a very close family great communication. Well about 4 in a half years ago my husband confessed to me that he had a affair. I will never forget the feeling that went through my body while my husband stands in front of me confessing his infidelity. This was a complete shocker at the time we were married 17years and this was the first time my husband ever cheated on me so this was alot to take in. As my husband stands in front of me begging for my forgiveness. I hear nothing but silence, all I feel is pain and hurt and betrayal and anger and confusion. So I pack up me and my kids and Ieave him for 8mths. For 8mths my husband was going insane continuously begging for my forgiveness but I wasn't ready yet. In those 8mths I began to learn me, I mean really get to know myself. I finished up the rest of my nursing, and landed a awesome job I immediately got my kids and myself some therapy counseling and my kids and I started attending church. And that is where we learned the true meaning of forgiveness. On the 9mth I forgave my husband and we accepted him back in our lives. That was 4yrs ago and we stand here today married 22yrs and we have come such a long way and grown so much. I'm not saying it has been all peaches and roses, absolutely not. It has been a long rough road, we have our good days and our bad. Forgiveness is a very important powerful thing. It is not easy to forgive someone who has betrayed you. So that's what I mean when I said in those 8mths I really got to know me. I had to first realize the reality of what just happened, and then process it. I had to evaluate every and all aspects of the situation. And decide what was best for me and my kids. I choose to try my very best to forgive my husband and move on with our lives. It was and still is a process but what made me decide to stay and save my family instead of leaving I could of said no sorry but this ant gunna work, divorce time. What made me try again was my genuine love for my husband. I love my husband and we have been together a very long time and we are not perfect yes he made a mistake a big mistake but he is very remorseful for his actions and the reassurance that he gives me is amazing that has helped alot through this nightmare that I'm stuck in lol. I will say this that affair has made us closer in a sense. Our communication is Better our connection is Better even our love life has doubled. And again I say it not easy trying to save a marriage its alot of work that both parties have to be willing to do. That word Trust is really hard to regain once broken. But it can be done. When I sit back and think about how far my family has come iam extremely proud and blessed and grateful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) It's important to read such experiences. I don't know if there's one type of reconciliation that's more common than another. I hope yours is the norm; I really do. Mine is not so great. We're not more in love or closer. The only reason I trust my husband is that he doesn't have much opportunity to cheat any more. It's not the outcome I hoped for when I agreed to work on a new relationship, but I'm also not going to go to the trouble to end it and start over. It's what it is and each of us is who we are. I don't see it changing or have much hope of improving it. I'll say why, too. The main reason is that the affair and all the deep, deep examination I did into myself and into my husband's actions and motives - which he did not do and reacted against. My work, however, revealed him to be a person that made me sad and disappointed. His actions still contradict his values sometimes in other ways, and he is still very much a non-self-aware person. It took the affair and aftermath to learn so much about him and his limited potential for change or desire for honesty about himself. My disillusionment is a result of the whole series of events. I choose to accept him as he is and the relationship. It's not terrible either. Edited January 1, 2021 by merrmeade Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 2, 2021 Share Posted January 2, 2021 Happy it worked out the way it did for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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