Helen A Posted December 13, 2020 Share Posted December 13, 2020 I’ve been here before. I was married having a affair/ish with my friend who was also married, nothing long term just texting and stuff happened on a few occasions. Fast forward now a few years. I split up with my husband, but we’re back sort of re connecting, only somehow I’m in this situations hip with the same guy again who is now, get this, divorced but living with his new girlfriend. We are texting allll the time but I feel as though I’m going crazy and I know I need to get out of this but I can’t. I feel like kind of addicted to talking to this guy. It’s just crazy. I’m also trying to sort things out with my husband. My head is a mess. I know that I seem way more invested than he is, and I feel like I’m over my head, but every time I suggest stopping he tells me that he doesn’t want to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 2 hours ago, Helen A said: I feel like I’m over my head, but every time I suggest stopping he tells me that he doesn’t want to. Too bad for him if he doesn't want to stop! Do what's best for you. IMO, even if you had no one else in your life, messing around with a taken guy is off limits. So, though you're confused, just on the basis of doing what's right you should get away from this cheater guy. Also, there's no way you can work things out with your exH (or H?) while you're fooling around with this other guy. No wonder you're confused. You're crossing all kind of boundaries here. Stop doing it and your confusion may very well clear up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 He's divorced but living with his new girlfriend. Wow, if he treats someone new with such contempt and disrespect what's he like after a couple of years when the honeymoon's over? My advice is remove yourself from this guys life, stop providing cheap entertainment for him, and stop feeding his massive ego. Of course he doesn't want to stop, he enjoyed using you to abuse his ex-wife and now he's using you to abuse his new partner. Don't even give him the courtesy of an explanation, just block, delete, and find someone who is available. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 14, 2020 Share Posted December 14, 2020 Sounds like you've fallen for the wrong guy. Probably the best thing for your sanity and to some extent for his new GF is for you to bite the bullet and go NC. If you have limerence, continuing this "almost but not quite" situation will probably just escalate it, increasing your "mental torture". Also, how can you hope to make the right decision about your own marriage while emotionally pining for this other guy. You should strongly consider letting it stand or fall on it's own accord, without outside interference. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted December 15, 2020 Author Share Posted December 15, 2020 I try no contact. I did 6 weeks the other day and he messaged me out the blue wanting to ring me. This is just about sex. But it’s been such a long time. Also it happened before. There’s something there definitely, but we’ve both never been single to actually have a relationship. It sucks. I miss him when I don’t hear from him but I know it’s for the best to end this, he has a whole life with his girlfriend and I have my life. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 ^^ There you go. You know what to do, it's just hard to actually do it. Understandable. You just gotta bite the bullet, I'd say... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Helen A said: . This is just about sex. Why is that missing from your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted December 15, 2020 Author Share Posted December 15, 2020 It’s not missing. It’s just that’s always been what’s wrong he has never needed it as much as I do. Selfish I know 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 11 hours ago, Helen A said: . This is just about sex. Are you just talking or are you FWB? Who's not as interested in sex, your BF or your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Helen A Posted December 15, 2020 Author Share Posted December 15, 2020 My hubby is interested but not in the way I am. Not yet... but we’re about to be FWB. but I need to stop. We’ve done this before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 On 12/15/2020 at 7:11 AM, Helen A said: My hubby is interested but not in the way I am. Not yet... but we’re about to be FWB. but I need to stop. We’ve done this before. you will never be interested in your BH again because you are having an affair with your OM. you cannot be receptive to your BH meeting your needs because you are allowing the OM to need them. this POS OM is nothing but a serial cheater. there is wisdom in the saying they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. if you truly wanted NC with your OM you would block him on everything. also get yourself a new phone number. Link to post Share on other sites
SRCSRC Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 You need time with a good therapist so that you can establish some sense of self-worth. A well adjusted woman would have jettisoned your "friend" a long time ago. He is a player who helped torpedo your marriage. Of course, you loved the attention and excitement. Do your ex-husband a favor and cut him loose. You are in no position to start up with him again. But if you refuse to cut your ex-husband loose, at least come clean with him about your affair and your continued involvement with your "friend" so that he can make the decision to stay or go on his own. If he is stupid enough to stay, that's on him. You owe him that much. You really need to work on yourself. Learn boundaries, and self-worth. Understand what it takes to have a successful relationship. You have set yourself up to have a life of lies, betrayal, and heartache if you don't get to the root of your issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CDOG Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 are you serious? I just read your whole history and I can't believe what I am reading. Did you exH ever find out about the affair? What about your daughter? I assume none of the earlier people on your thread have weighed in because they just don't believe you any more? I hope your exH runs a mile and finds someone with some moral fiber to be with. Be with the cheating POS, you deserve each other and all the heartbreak you cause each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 It sounds like you would be better off on your own for a while, so you can get your emotions untangled and learn to stand on your own two feet without a man there to prop up your self-esteem. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 It seems you prove the point, those who do not learn from history are destined to repeat it. I agree that some time alone would be a good thing. Perhaps some counselling, some time for self reflection, and the ability to discover what you want for your life without all these complicated entanglements. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 On 12/13/2020 at 6:09 PM, Helen A said: I’ve been here before. I was married having a affair/ish with my friend who was also married, nothing long term just texting and stuff happened on a few occasions. Fast forward now a few years. I split up with my husband, but we’re back sort of re connecting, only somehow I’m in this situations hip with the same guy again who is now, get this, divorced but living with his new girlfriend. We are texting allll the time but I feel as though I’m going crazy and I know I need to get out of this but I can’t. I feel like kind of addicted to talking to this guy. It’s just crazy. I’m also trying to sort things out with my husband. My head is a mess. I know that I seem way more invested than he is, and I feel like I’m over my head, but every time I suggest stopping he tells me that he doesn’t want to. Why are you trying to get back with your husband when you are interested in another man? How much pain do you expect your husband to endure? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 On 12/14/2020 at 7:38 PM, Helen A said: but we’ve both never been single to actually have a relationship. You're both single now. Has he offered to leave his gf and be with you? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 Perhaps you should go back and read some of your own history. At one point, you said you could not stand him and never wanted to hear from him again. Also, if you told your ex-husband you were still talking to this man, do you think he would be as willing to try to reconcile with you? If you do care even the slightest bit for your ex-husband, you won't put him through that again. Link to post Share on other sites
ctdans Posted February 5, 2021 Share Posted February 5, 2021 sounds like you deserve each other. His new girlfriend will be hurt and your ex will stop trying to reconnect. Do them both a favor and get this out in the open so the girlfriend can get a deserving guy and your ex can move on. You two are not ready for a committed relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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