going on a break to Reevaluate

[DKT3]

I'm not sure she is actually trying to "uncoupling" it appears more that she is trying to gain space and the freedom that comes with it. The question is why.  She moved out, then they continued on as before. It was the OP who said they needed to actually take time apart.

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

She moved out, then they continued on as before. It was the OP who said they needed to actually take time apart.

Moving out is not "continuing as before". It's a huge step away from a relationship.

It doesn't matter why. She already stated that she doesn't want to do this anymore and she wants her own place.

The phone interrogation was just the final straw in an already decaying situation.

People stay in denial longer when uncoupling comes in small stabs like this.

Edited January 7, 2021 by Wiseman2

[lovesflame]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Moving out is not "continuing as before". It's a huge step away from a relationship.

It doesn't matter why. She already stated that she doesn't want to do this anymore and she wants her own place.

The phone interrogation was just the final straw in an already decaying situation.

 

She always needed her own space as a person. Before the phone thing, we truly had one or two arguments and they all involved my phone mainly. But we came back after that incident, went to couples counseling and that's when she brought up all the ideas of moving out. She never changed her tune on that for about six months. To clarify, even when we were having great times,  she said moving out will make us stronger it will "make me miss you."

when she brought it up the last time, I overreacted and said "why do this the slow painful way?"

SO, she said fine let's break up, then it came to let's just take a break and I will tell you in 30 days.

  she last came over to give me gifts a few days ago, and she told me what went wrong is that she needed to take care of herself, do healthy habits and self-care, and that I couldn't help her with that. I agree I took on such a caregiver role which is my nature since I've been a single dad so long. She said that it was her mistake and not all on me. 

Those are good signs-discussing what went wrong, taking responsibility, 

 I said glad we are friends- but she replied how much she loved me.

I think this can be fixed easily with space and new ground rules .

 I know she loves me still, so I just hope in another two weeks she will agree to work on it. that's where I am at for now.

Everyday is pretty miserable at many points to be totally honest, and I am suffering greatly this morning.

Edited January 7, 2021 by lovesflame

[DKT3]

8 hours ago, lovesflame said:

She always needed her own space as a person. Before the phone thing, we truly had one or two arguments and they all involved my phone mainly. But we came back after that incident, went to couples counseling and that's when she brought up all the ideas of moving out. She never changed her tune on that for about six months. To clarify, even when we were having great times,  she said moving out will make us stronger it will "make me miss you."

when she brought it up the last time, I overreacted and said "why do this the slow painful way?"

SO, she said fine let's break up, then it came to let's just take a break and I will tell you in 30 days.

  she last came over to give me gifts a few days ago, and she told me what went wrong is that she needed to take care of herself, do healthy habits and self-care, and that I couldn't help her with that. I agree I took on such a caregiver role which is my nature since I've been a single dad so long. She said that it was her mistake and not all on me. 

Those are good signs-discussing what went wrong, taking responsibility, 

 I said glad we are friends- but she replied how much she loved me.

I think this can be fixed easily with space and new ground rules .

 I know she loves me still, so I just hope in another two weeks she will agree to work on it. that's where I am at for now.

Everyday is pretty miserable at many points to be totally honest, and I am suffering greatly this morning.

Which is kinda proving my point. She isn't necessarily trying to uncouple as was just mentioned a few posts back. She is getting space by moving out but really trying to keep you engaged romantically. 

[lovesflame]

14 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

. She is getting space by moving out but really trying to keep you engaged romantically. 

I hope she’s trying to keep me engaged romantically . She just wanted space the whole time to be like in a zone and alone and space out or smoke and just like be wrapped up in herself . She’s at her moms so there’s nothing there .

 

 I mean I really hope she’s trying to keep me engaged but honestly it sounds like it right ?

 

 I don’t know why I feel like hopeless like this but I think what if she won’t take me back and my life is this bad going forward . It’s not being alone it’s just like all the joy is sucked out and I hate it 

[maggiemtn]

6 hours ago, lovesflame said:

 I don’t know why I feel like hopeless like this but I think what if she won’t take me back and my life is this bad going forward . It’s not being alone it’s just like all the joy is sucked out and I hate it 

I think you feel hopeless because you’re trying to hang onto something that’s being pulled away, and you’re stuck in a limbo-state in your own head. I’m a month removed from my breakup and there’s a lot of peace in finality. Your life won’t be “this bad” forever, or even a long time in the grand scheme of things. Just a few weeks ago, I was despondent. Now, every day gets a little better. I hope you take care of yourself and focus on what is BEST for you rather than what you WANT to happen. Sometimes those two things are quite different. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, lovesflame said:

 . She just wanted space the whole time to be like in a zone and alone and space out or smoke and just like be wrapped up in herself . She’s at her moms so there’s nothing there .

Do you think she's a pothead? She doesn't seem emotionally available.

This break and friendzoning is going to get more painful as she drags this out.

Get back involved in your own life. It's the best recourse right now to feel better.

[JayWay]

On 1/7/2021 at 7:20 PM, lovesflame said:

I hope she’s trying to keep me engaged romantically . She just wanted space the whole time to be like in a zone and alone and space out or smoke and just like be wrapped up in herself . She’s at her moms so there’s nothing there .

 

 I mean I really hope she’s trying to keep me engaged but honestly it sounds like it right ?

 

 I don’t know why I feel like hopeless like this but I think what if she won’t take me back and my life is this bad going forward . It’s not being alone it’s just like all the joy is sucked out and I hate it 

She is keeping you engaged right?  Trying to follow along.  My situation currently is little similar and there’s zero engagement on her side. Like she completely cut me off. Strange, since she was adamant that I better not disappear on her. Well, minus her message telling me happy New Years with hearts and love on New Year’s Eve at midnight. Oh, and her messaging me she just needs time she’s sorry don’t disappear.  That was week ago.  I kinda want rest of my stuff back from her but don’t know if I should contact her.

You feel hopeless because you feel like you are losing her and control over yourself. Totally understandable. I’m a single father as well. To give your heart and trust to someone that you feel there’s future with is crushing and does make feel all joy is sucked out.  My situation is legit walking nightmare. It’s been almost 3 weeks since she suddenly cut us off and I’ve never been this depressed and stupidly miserable missing a person. Anyways, is she engaging with you? 

[lovesflame]

20 hours ago, JayWay said:

 

You feel hopeless because you feel like you are losing her and control over yourself. Totally understandable. I’m a single father as well. To give your heart and trust to someone that you feel there’s future with is crushing and does make feel all joy is sucked out.  My situation is legit walking nightmare. It’s been almost 3 weeks since she suddenly cut us off and I’ve never been this depressed and stupidly miserable missing a person. Anyways, is she engaging with you? 

Jay WAY I feel the exact same way as you. today I am in a good mood but I feel so joyless most days and cry so much. Anyways, here is what I mean she was engaging with me: 

She came over and brought me and my daughter last weekend like a week ago. She brought the gifts from herself and from others. She told me what she thought went wrong which was she needed to do things to help herself to feel better and not depressed and not rely on me and be more independent. I agreed. Then she saw I was very sad and said I love you so much.

Since then, I call her and she answers and I text her that another gift arrived for my daughter and she told me to take a video of her opening it up and send it to her. After she said this text- I fell asleep and am crying that was yesterday. I am trying to not contact her because she said we will sit down and talk next Friday because that is 30 days after the move out. 

I am not sure if I keep texting her to build more connection or wait until the day we agreed to meet and talk. I think we can work it out and I will not give up

[JayWay]

4 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Jay WAY I feel the exact same way as you. today I am in a good mood but I feel so joyless most days and cry so much. Anyways, here is what I mean she was engaging with me: 

She came over and brought me and my daughter last weekend like a week ago. She brought the gifts from herself and from others. She told me what she thought went wrong which was she needed to do things to help herself to feel better and not depressed and not rely on me and be more independent. I agreed. Then she saw I was very sad and said I love you so much.

Since then, I call her and she answers and I text her that another gift arrived for my daughter and she told me to take a video of her opening it up and send it to her. After she said this text- I fell asleep and am crying that was yesterday. I am trying to not contact her because she said we will sit down and talk next Friday because that is 30 days after the move out. 

I am not sure if I keep texting her to build more connection or wait until the day we agreed to meet and talk. I think we can work it out and I will not give up

You are in good spot compared to mine.  I feel you two will make it.  Her reaching out is huge. I understand your crying.  I promise though, she’s making effort still. That’s huge.  She sounds like she knows what she needs to work on. That’s huge. Keep being kind, empathetic and understanding. Don’t give solutions unless it’s “I want us to make it out of this together, whatever time it will take and want you to be happy no matter what and I’ll always do best not to hurt you as cliche as that sounds”.  

I did that with mine in terms of her not being independent. I did tons for her. Although we were together few plus months, we went fast and fell hard.  Our connection is so deep and real to us. Well, to me, who knows what she’s feeling now.  She needed time to make sure she can juggle her kids new job her depression (bipolar) and me. She relied on me a ton. Which I don’t mind, either way, I’ll do whatever to make and help her feel happy.
 

I feel in your case texting her is ok.  Maybe not everyday. Or maybe just once a day right now.  Whatever that might be.  A simple “good night” or “thinking about you, I’ll always have your back”. She knows you care. She knows your position. When people are depressed and rely on others a lot, they can lose sight quickly with who or what they want or are.  I beleive she wants you both together.  She’s just trying to sort it out. Very good spot opposed to mine.

Mine, she asked for time, told me don’t disappear on her, don’t block her, she won’t block me, we will talk, it’s not forever; but I haven’t heard peep other than me doing little begging in text acting like idiot then her saying she appreciates me so much and taking ownership she just needs more time, she’s sorry. Then, also her text on New Years with hearts and love.  Otherwise she’s done exact thing she told me not to do which is disappear.  Some say she’s keeping me as backup.  I refuse to see that.  This is different. I know people say things because I might have blinders on. But she’s expressed to me so many times how she’s never felt this way, she’s in this for long haul, trust me she’s not going anywhere. It’s confusing as hell.  It’s like she flipped switch.  

She moved in with her parents and has 3 kids. So, with her new job there’s no doubt she’s overwhelmed.  I quickly became her priority. That’s not good.  But doesn’t mean “this”. She’s very black and white though. No grey thinking with her. Sadly and stupidly, I’m praying every day for her to reach out to me that she misses me and knows to make us work.  I’m waiting I guess.  She told me to be brutally honest she knows she wants to wake up and know she truly can juggle us forever and she just has to make certain so we don’t hurt each other and kids.  Some say she’s letting me down easy.  No idea why though. She knows I don’t play games and for me it’s either piss or get off the pot.  So no point her giving me false hope.  Which is probably dumb that I’m hopelessly optimistic.  

I have a son and know what I want.  I won’t let something slip away when every fiber in me logically emotionally spiritually physically says she’s “it” and I know I’ve never felt this way. I’ve dated a lot, no matter length relationship when it’s done, it’s done.  This doesn’t feel that way. Feels like she’s forcing herself to do this.  

I’m confused because I want to message her I miss her and thinking of her. But rather not annoy her. I do feel lost, it’s very weird feeling.  She’s type that likes being chased. But she knows I’m here. Last message I sent to her was “I’m always here for you and us, I miss you more than thought could”.  She’s told me that multiple times prior to this when we don’t see each other for few days with schedules.  I would do anything for her to reach out to me that she’s had couple weeks now and she does miss me.  We talked texted practically saw each other daily from the jump. Day before all this went down she told me how she knows it won’t be easy but trust her with heart and she doesn’t want to go anywhere. Then this!   Mind boggling.  How can she go from texting talking daily to zero?  And trust me, she initiated many convos texts before all this. I did too. It was equal. There were zero signs of this.  Makes no sense.  I’m praying for you.  But, you are in great spot man.  Her engaging like that is great. Makes me jealous some!   This is killing me. And I’ve tried so many things to get her off mind.  She’s there. Everything in me says “this isn’t right, should be together even if it goes slower than before”.  Friend of mine said “she’s so black and white thinker, there’s never really i between with her, she’s gone back to prior exes before, so to her it’s like she’s either all in or all out”.  I’d give anything to see her smile or hear her laugh or fall asleep next to her. Sheesh I’m pathetic. 

[JayWay]

4 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Jay WAY I feel the exact same way as you. today I am in a good mood but I feel so joyless most days and cry so much. Anyways, here is what I mean she was engaging with me: 

She came over and brought me and my daughter last weekend like a week ago. She brought the gifts from herself and from others. She told me what she thought went wrong which was she needed to do things to help herself to feel better and not depressed and not rely on me and be more independent. I agreed. Then she saw I was very sad and said I love you so much.

Since then, I call her and she answers and I text her that another gift arrived for my daughter and she told me to take a video of her opening it up and send it to her. After she said this text- I fell asleep and am crying that was yesterday. I am trying to not contact her because she said we will sit down and talk next Friday because that is 30 days after the move out. 

I am not sure if I keep texting her to build more connection or wait until the day we agreed to meet and talk. I think we can work it out and I will not give up

And I cry at drop of dime. Legit.  I walked into store yesterday and song playing was by Lenny Kravitz called “Can’t get you off my mind”.  I left and started crying.  I was like “wtf is wrong with me”.   In song he says “am I a fool to think there’s little hope”.  Seems I am. 

[lovesflame]

30 minutes ago, JayWay said:

 

I have a son and know what I want.  I won’t let something slip away when every fiber in me logically emotionally spiritually physically says she’s “it” and I know I’ve never felt this way. I’ve dated a lot, no matter length relationship when it’s done, it’s done.  This doesn’t feel that way. Feels like she’s forcing herself to do this.  

 

well, first of all jayway please stop talking to yourself so bad like you're such a fool and stuff like that. Please stop talking yourself in that. 

 

I know exactly what you mean it feels so different and does not seem like it is really over as in the past. I think she is forcing herself probably because she does need some mental time to herself. I know it hurts, man. Also, you did not know her mental struggles yet because sometimes people have a depressive episode maybe only once per year, so now you see it.

 

I do agree with you that I have many good signs. I will give her time to see if she wants to continue. It's only like ten days away that we meet up and talk .

[lovesflame]

Tonight she calls texts me and asks me if my daughter liked the gift she sent her and if I had a video of her opening the gift .

 I told her yes and sent her video .

Then told her I had a good day and asked about her she said she felt great because she just got back from a road trip and hiking to clear her mind and gain perspective. And couch surfing lol

 I totally am freaking out at this point now....

wondering if she was with someone .

everytime she contacts me I think of asking if we are getting back together again or not .

 I totally am in panic mode again .

this is so hard on me.... I don’t think I’m handling it well

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, lovesflame said:

I totally am in panic mode again .

this is so hard on me.... I don’t think I’m handling it well

Let's explore that for a moment:

What's going to happen to you if she says she doesn't want to get back together? 

Will it hurt? Of course. Will your life as you know it be over, never to fall in love again? Very unlikely. Nobody likes rejection, but you need to think about why you're hinging so much of your emotional stability on this woman. 

What were you like before you met her? 

[Negotaurus]

I think you would get your answers if you put your foot down and cut it off yourself. She is trampling all over you and you are allowing it. Get your control back. If she wants to be with you, she will be with you. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by Negotaurus

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Then told her I had a good day and asked about her she said she felt great because she just got back from a road trip and hiking to clear her mind and gain perspective. And couch surfing lol

Just curious, do you know if this was planned prior to this 30-day break? 

(Also, couch-surfing during a pandemic? Really?)

Edited January 12, 2021 by ExpatInItaly

[lovesflame]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

What were you like before you met her? 

Thanks for these questions and insights . I had a narc ex before her but that was very brief like a few months and I was damaged after that

before that I did so much I would exercise or go to yoga and tai chi class and lots of art events .

once I met her I did lots stuff inside obviously and I got to take care of myself better than ever before. I got therapy and progressed better than before. Since I am still recovering from covid I have been feeling weak and depressed still

 I wish I knew why so much hinges on her  but I feel it’s because those were the happiest days of my life and I don’t want to end up with someone who isn’t my friend ever again .

 

Edited January 12, 2021 by lovesflame

[lovesflame]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Just curious, do you know if this was planned prior to this 30-day break? 

 

No completely random .

I hope she did gain a nice perspective on her life because I do want her to be happy but I hope she doesn’t get covid.

I am just saying I automatically jump to the worst thinking she’s decided to not try again so I think I am not handling talking to her well.

the gifts sure were kind that she got and that’s appreciated 

[JayWay]

11 hours ago, lovesflame said:

Tonight she calls texts me and asks me if my daughter liked the gift she sent her and if I had a video of her opening the gift .

 I told her yes and sent her video .

Then told her I had a good day and asked about her she said she felt great because she just got back from a road trip and hiking to clear her mind and gain perspective. And couch surfing lol

 I totally am freaking out at this point now....

wondering if she was with someone .

everytime she contacts me I think of asking if we are getting back together again or not .

 I totally am in panic mode again .

this is so hard on me.... I don’t think I’m handling it well

I would say if she’s hiking and on road trip with some other dude, while she’s sending gifts and wanting videos of your daughter, that would be the lowest form of insulting a mans child and that mans emotions. That is manipulation at the highest degree and would be a deal breaker.  That is using a child to satisfy her happiness. That’s a child that seemingly enjoys her. And I would hope your girlfriend knows that. 
 

What I mean by that is, it’s not her child. You’ve opened that up to her. Showing her that you trust her enough to be a “mother figure” for your future family. So, if she’s on road trip and hiking with some tool bag, then good riddance, have fun, karma sucks, never use my daughter to satisfy your own selfish needs.  I’d be surprised if she has the audacity to do that and at same time acting like shes being a mother figure.  Remember, you opened that door for her with your daughter.  She doesn’t get to hike take road trips with other dudes then use your daughter to lift her own spirits.  That is very wrong.  And yes, I’m a father so I can speak to that.  Sorry, I’m venting a little based off mine. I did same. I hammered down walls and boundaries with my son and her involvement because I wanted to, and also prove/show her how I trust her and how important our relationship is to me as it pertains to my child.  

Needless to say, it seems currently, she maybe used me in that regard as long as I was cooking for her, she went trick treating with my son and I, opening home to her, then that’s all that mattered to her regardless of lasting impact.  You see, she’s a mom herself.  My son asks about her.  It’s such a fine line with kids.  That’s partially why I’m hurting right now as bad as I am.  When I open my son to her, I’m telling her - “I’m all in on us, just like you say you are as well”.   

Point I’m making is, it doesn’t seem yours is doing that.  She seems she’s taking this time to stay connected with you and explore her mind.  Now, I would say she wasn’t with another guy.  If she was bro - toss her away fast. Especially because she’s playing mommy with your daughter.  She doesn’t get beat of all worlds. Doesn’t work that way. Dang, I should take my own advice!  Smh. Your mind will wonder who is she with.  Understandable.  But, trust her.  If she breaks that trust, then she has way deeper issues than simple depression.  That point, she’s crossing histrionic disorder territory.  Don’t ask her who she was with.  You should be able to trust your gut by how she acts and how she says things.  I’m wondering, was this hike road trip planned before the 30 day break?   Not that it means anything per say, but if yes, then it shows consistency and she’s not wallowing in sorrow, and she’s doing it while keeping you and your daughter as a priority still so to speak.  If it’s a no, then I’d wonder where road trip was, what was her urge to hike presuming only if she doesn’t really hike, but the positive is she still is keeping you and your daughter engaged.  I am curious though when it was planned? 

[JayWay]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Let's explore that for a moment:

What's going to happen to you if she says she doesn't want to get back together? 

Will it hurt? Of course. Will your life as you know it be over, never to fall in love again? Very unlikely. Nobody likes rejection, but you need to think about why you're hinging so much of your emotional stability on this woman. 

What were you like before you met her? 

I kinda wonder if him feeling this way is due to his daughter being involved. And his girlfriend sending gifts, videos as it pertains to daughter. His daughter obviously really likes her.  I’d presume she’s smart enough to know that and impact it can have so to speak.  I could be wrong. Maybe his daughter doesn’t like her, etc.  Is it wrong to hinge emotions towards another person when there’s so many things that have done together, discussed, planned?  In my situation, I don’t hinge my emotional well being onto her, but hell yes there’s impact it will have.  If it’s rejection, to this level with kids, and future planning - that’s like knife cutting deep.  Not too sound like I’m disagreeing what your saying.  I’m just coming at it from my current position, that yes, I’ll move forward, as he would and possibly find someone else, but when the time, energy, focus, actions, words and everything else related to other person perhaps falls apart, that is serious heartache that’s hard to just snap fingers and find someone else.  Maybe that’s my downfall.  I wouldn’t want to explore what happens if she doesn’t want back together, because it shouldn’t even be an option based on everything.  To me, you give commitment, you exhaust yourself to make the damn thing work.  If that means both take a 30 day break to clear minds, then all good.  I’m only speaking me being in similar spot as OP.  My son was involved and that’s a huge thing.  Just like his daughter.  That’s why I do tie some emotional being towards her. My life doesn’t hinge on it, but it’s pretty damn critical step in life.    

[JayWay]

1 hour ago, lovesflame said:

Thanks for these questions and insights . I had a narc ex before her but that was very brief like a few months and I was damaged after that

before that I did so much I would exercise or go to yoga and tai chi class and lots of art events .

once I met her I did lots stuff inside obviously and I got to take care of myself better than ever before. I got therapy and progressed better than before. Since I am still recovering from covid I have been feeling weak and depressed still

 I wish I knew why so much hinges on her  but I feel it’s because those were the happiest days of my life and I don’t want to end up with someone who isn’t my friend ever again .

 

I relate.  My ex wife is diagnosed NPD with anti social tendencies.  It caused me serious emotional trauma with loads of counseling.  So, I agree about why it hinges.  After time passes and date couple times, and when meet person that there’s such deep connection, hell no I don’t want to “restart”.   Especially with kid involved.  So much on the line.  I relate to happiest days. Yes, we only make ourselves happy so to speak. But when people say be happy alone then everything is fine, that’s not what it is.  Everybody that gets married or similar, will bring out happiness in other person. In my case, I was in good head space before met her, my therapist signed off on me pursuing it, and there was a happiness she brings out I haven’t felt before.  Maybe happiness isn’t best word.  Maybe comfort?  Or maybe a complete feeling?  I don’t know the word, other than I’d take a bullet for her and that’s how I know.  Sheesh, these talks right now, I need a beer.  

Edited January 12, 2021 by JayWay

[lovesflame]

19 minutes ago, JayWay said:

 I wouldn’t want to explore what happens if she doesn’t want back together, because it shouldn’t even be an option based on everything.  To me, you give commitment, you exhaust yourself to make the damn thing work.  If that means both take a 30 day break to clear minds, then all good.  I’m only speaking me being in similar spot as OP. 

Thank you for relating to me.

 I think with this behavior I have to stop thinking she was doing anything wrong . My anxiety was taking over .

 I think with all she’s doing it seems she will be back together with me . Maybe it’s time I start to believe it 

[JayWay]

7 hours ago, Negotaurus said:

I think you would get your answers if you put your foot down and cut it off yourself. She is trampling all over you and you are allowing it. Get your control back. If she wants to be with you, she will be with you. 

I agree with you. But let me ask, what action is putting foot down?  Is it cutting communication?  Or telling her either in or out?  I’m asking too for my situation. I think I’m being walked over some as doormat which at this point sadly I think I’m fine with. Smh. I always believe that things like NC help get myself answers. But usually it doesn’t remove that I want to be with other person. Thus, I feel it’s helpful to chase her.  Not beg and such.  But when I say chase I mean, reach out here there, let her know I’m here for her and such.  At least in my case, she’s stubborn as hell.  She’d fight herself everyday to maintain her pride not to run back.  She’s done it before with exes. Where even she messes up, and she expects them and they have come back asking for another chance.  And, she gives it.  But, my therapist did tell me “no matter how stubborn any woman is, if she wants a man, she will get that man, there’s instances where she might fight herself, but if she wants that man, she’ll get him 95% of time. The other 5% she won’t because they don’t try as they already know the man will outright reject them. But, that 5% still drops hints, breadcrumbs”.   I just don’t get  if show a woman that you’ll fight for her and always be there how it doesn’t help gain her back.  I think I’m still so blindsided by my situation though. My therapist was going through my messages and we were doing exercises to correct wrong behavior of mine generally speaking.  She even commented “gosh, no wonder your blindsided, look what she told you say before all this happened”.   Sorry, just sharing that.  I’ll probably stupidly wait for her.   

[lovesflame]

On 1/12/2021 at 7:52 AM, JayWay said:

 I always believe that things like NC help get myself answers. But usually it doesn’t remove that I want to be with other person. Thus, I feel it’s helpful to chase her.  Not beg and such.  But when I say chase I mean, reach out here there, let her know I’m here for her and such. 

 all I can do is just wait it's like less than ten days until we meet up to talk about things. maybe her mind wants to give it another try and her heart is still in love so I hope she listens to me and her heart whatever that may be.

I mean what is the drive for certainty either way?

No one on here is a psychic.

Also, I have to say her breaking up with you because of a bipolar episode is pretty typical for people with that affliction as I have witnessed and been friends with similar situations. I know it hurts but can't take that personal it's outside your control.

All of this is outside control. I don't want to control anymore. I say to just "find safety in my own body." heard that in a video for relationship anxiety. So, I am doing that today whether meditating or just breathing exercises.

I mean I truly am just hoping she needed time apart for finding herself and I will be happy if she did.

I want to tell you when we were together how things were: she would call me whenever I was gone, she would kiss me hundreds of times a day, we would cuddle together, we had sex not too much but did it passionately, we talked about everything in our lives and shared emotions together, she would say she was my wife and my daughter was her daughter. All this changed she got so depressed in November. I mean crying about her job, her future, her lack of career opportunities, the let down after graduating college, feeling hopeless about the state of the world, I mean I was there for her as she cried and she told me she appreciated and thanked me.

Since this break, I have had so many good signs, but all I can do is wait and see what she wants to do.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 1/12/2021 at 3:34 PM, lovesflame said:

No completely random .

I hope she did gain a nice perspective on her life because I do want her to be happy but I hope she doesn’t get covid.

No kidding.

I would not see her again until she's completed a quarantine period. It's an incredible risk for her to be couch-surfing at all, let alone doing so and then seeing you. For someone who's been barking about needing time to look after herself, she's sure being a hypocrite on this point and exposing herself (and potentially you and your daughter) to some big risks. 

Her words don't exactly line up with her actions.