Wiseman2 Posted March 20, 2021 Share Posted March 20, 2021 Sorry to say, but the net result is the same. She moved out, ended the relationship and it's over. You may be at the bargaining stage of healing. That may be why some old flame back home is on your mind. It helps shift blame onto her and makes things seem more inevitable. But in reality, she would never have packed up and drove home if the relationship was good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 On 3/20/2021 at 2:46 AM, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to say, but the net result is the same. She moved out, ended the relationship and it's over. You may be at the bargaining stage of healing. That may be why some old flame back home is on your mind. It helps shift blame onto her and makes things seem more inevitable. But in reality, she would never have packed up and drove home if the relationship was good. Yes, wiseman . I have to face the truth she was not happy with me or not enough to stay with me for long . you’re right she never would’ve moved out and broke up much before she moved out of state where she moved is not where she’s from it was where her ex family was From so he’s not the reason yet again I placed blame elsewhere. I am accepting she just wasn’t happy and she told me she couldn’t do it anymore and wasn’t happy. maybe a deep relationship was too muc for her. Maybe her independence was more important and she did not like to rely on me. but it was shocking to me because she left abruptly and we were married and she told me that it was the best relationship she’s had and she loved me so and we were going to make it for the long term. Some days I sleep all day and barely leave bed im suffering horribly . I didn’t cause this . It was her choosing her own life path Link to post Share on other sites
trident_2020 Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 2 minutes ago, lovesflame said: but it was shocking to me because she left abruptly and we were married You said she was your girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted March 22, 2021 Author Share Posted March 22, 2021 24 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: You said she was your girlfriend We got married too in February Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2021 Share Posted March 22, 2021 5 hours ago, lovesflame said: We got married too in February Say what? Why didn't you say so until now? In that case, you need to contact an attorney about dissolving your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 5, 2021 Author Share Posted April 5, 2021 I logged into her facebook and I saw a message of her telling an old family friend that she was pregnant before she left town two months ago. I knew she was acting so bizarre before she left and sick to her stomach and all of these other symptoms... when we hung out in January I called her and even her mother to see if it was my child Her mom said she's not pregnant. She called me back the next day and told me she was not pregnant at all and was furious that I logged into her fb. But she did not tell me the story or if I was the one who had got her pregnant or not. the way the timeline lines up- it could definitely be my child and now I am like in a state of shock. I am filled with endless doubt and possibilities- was it my child or not? I don't know what to believe. I am literally in a state of shock like I am in a dream Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2021 Share Posted April 5, 2021 How very painful. My condolences but it seems like this is all the more reason to just be done with her. Anybody who lies about being pregnant is reprehensible in my book. If she was pregnant & is no longer by her choice it always was her choice. If she could make that decision about a child that could have been yours tells you the lengths she will go to separate herself from you so again, be done. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 2 hours ago, d0nnivain said: How very painful. My condolences but it seems like this is all the more reason to just be done with her. I am truly like in intense pain now- please be easy on me LS. Yes, she was pregnant. She told me I ruined the announcement to her family and she's with her new husband! I feel bad that I told her mom, but her deception was so complex and multi-facited. She really was a liar. She could've told me before she left. I never was violent or angry towards her or even yelled. She basically was talking to me while then immediately married to another man. and truly I don't even know if she's totally sure that is his child or mine. I hope she's sure. God, help me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 To clarify she is pregnant and with her new "husband" and she said it is disgusting and terrible how I ruined the announcement to her mother. I feel guilty for that but not too much. I want to just live my life again. I want to move out of this place I lived in with her! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 4 hours ago, lovesflame said: To clarify she is pregnant and with her new "husband" and she said it is disgusting and terrible how I ruined the announcement to her mother. I feel guilty for that but not too much. I want to just live my life again. I want to move out of this place I lived in with her! And what's done is done, anyway. You said before that are married to her. Have you spoken to a lawyer about annulling the marriage? You need to cut all ties with this woman, forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: And what's done is done, anyway. You said before that are married to her. Have you spoken to a lawyer about annulling the marriage? You need to cut all ties with this woman, forever. Yes that’s resolved . I hope to not speak again the deceit and lies were just outrageous. I feel better knowing I wasn’t crazy about what was going on Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 1 minute ago, lovesflame said: I feel better knowing I wasn’t crazy about what was going on Well, exactly. You knew something wasn't adding up with her. Now you know you can trust your gut when something doesn't feel right. Her behaviour was suspicious and now you know why. I would delete and block her in every possible way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 9 hours ago, lovesflame said: she's with her new husband!. She basically was talking to me while then immediately married to another man. and truly I don't even know if she's totally sure that is his child or mine. I hope she's sure. God, help me!! How can she remarry if you never got divorced? Sorry but your story is hard to follow. You claim you were married. You claim you were "on break" ( yet she moved out and back home). Then you claim you married just prior to her departure? And now you claim she's remarried and pregnant but you never got divorced and you thought it was yours? It is a very confusing timeline. Could you clarify if you were really married? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 @Wiseman2 in the 1st post of this thread in December 2020 he said that she was his GF & that had been dating since November 2019. @lovesflame -- she now has a husband. If she gives birth while married to him, the BC will have his name on it. Just be done. Don't feel bad about telling the mom. Your EX is only upset that you cast suspicion on her happy news by voicing the possibility that you are the father. By asking, the mom now knows that her daughter was at best a two timer. If your Qs get back to the new husband who most likely thought his new wife's relationship with you was over long before, if he even knew about you, that will cause all sorts of problems in the marriage & made lead to that guy demanding a paternity test. If the test proves it's your child, you will be stuck with this woman forever. She will also make your life hell for ruining her marriage (even though she's the cheating liar; she will blame you). I really hope the baby belongs to the other guy. You need to separate from this woman which you won't be able to do if you share a child. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 (edited) On 3/22/2021 at 1:30 AM, lovesflame said: We got married too in February @d0nnivain I think this is where Wiseman's confusion is stemming from... OP, who is this woman currently legally married to? Edited April 6, 2021 by ExpatInItaly 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 On 3/21/2021 at 8:30 PM, lovesflame said: We got married too in February Are you married to her still? Did you get divorced? How can she remarry if you two are still married? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 What an even bigger mess Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It is a very confusing timeline. Could you clarify if you were really married? No we had a marriage ceremony back last year, but we did not file the official legal documents so it was not legally binding. now she says she has a new “husband “ yet they are not legally married yet I don’t think so. I don’t want to even try to sift through what she is doing now or see what’s true . I am really upset by the whole thing and shocked and saddened . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 What a bunch of malarky. Sorry but if you don't file the paperwork, you are not married. It's all just a big sham. Seriously be glad you two weren't official & just walk away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Seriously be glad you two weren't official & just walk away. thanks for saying not feel bad about talking with her mom . All I wanted was the truth . maybe I was wrong ?? honestly I truly will never even look into if I’m the biological father because all it could do is mess up everyone’s lives. besides that I doubt we will ever speak again now she gets to make me the bad guy forever and the villain . at first I did not see how unhealthy all her actions were and it’s sad to see it all be blamed on me but to be expected . Part of me can’t even believe anything she says and I am not even sure of anything Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2021 Share Posted April 6, 2021 3 hours ago, lovesflame said: No we had a marriage ceremony back last year, but we did not file the official legal documents so it was not legally binding. now she says she has a new “husband “ yet they are not legally married yet I don’t think so. So in other words, nobody was ever married here. She sounds like the type to engage in these teenage "marriage" fantasies, like a young kid playing make-believe. That is a huge advantage for you, because it makes it much easier to get rid of her forever. I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 6, 2021 Author Share Posted April 6, 2021 (edited) 27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So in other words, nobody was ever married here. She sounds like the type to engage in these teenage "marriage" fantasies, like a young kid playing make-believe. That is a huge advantage for you, because it makes it much easier to get rid of her forever. I Yeah I have no idea if she’s actually married the dude . All I know is she refers to him as husband . Maybe they did tie the knot either way idk I know she loved him for a long time so good for her . her behavior is very erratic and hectic and I do love this woman and I wish her well but my god was this a dramatic turn of events and so wrong to me . I deserve much better Edited April 6, 2021 by lovesflame Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 8, 2021 Author Share Posted April 8, 2021 I know for a fact she was pregnant before she left town and he lives in the other town far away. So either he came to visit or it’s my kid...but the time was so close that I have no idea if I’m the father of the child or not. I am deciding whether I will get a paternity test in the future. I was stressed about it yesterday Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted April 8, 2021 Share Posted April 8, 2021 (edited) 23 minutes ago, lovesflame said: I am deciding whether I will get a paternity test in the future. You don't have to. If you get slapped with child support the courts will order it. Sorry but you're all over the place. Married, no not married. They're married, no not married. She's pregnant, no she denies it. It's yours, no it's her now nonhusband-husband's. Take a breather. She's gone and you were never legally married. There are no loose ends here. She took all her stuff and moved back home. You're free. rest and move forward. Edited April 8, 2021 by Wiseman2 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lovesflame Posted April 8, 2021 Author Share Posted April 8, 2021 35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Take a breather. She's gone and you were never legally married. There are no loose ends here. She took all her stuff and moved back home. You're free. rest and move forward. Yes I will. I just love being a father and want to do what’s best for the child . only time will tell Link to post Share on other sites
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