Can this work

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Instead all I see is me having to bend over backwards for someone I don't really find attractive or begging and groveling and getting kicked in the teeth anyway.

This is a bad attitude and will likely get you nowhere too.
You don't have to necessarily beg and grovel, that is not a good look, but women do tend to expect men to put in the leg work.
Only desperate women, women with few options, very dominant women, or crazy women, or women looking for NSA sex, will actively chase men and always take the initiative.
Most women sit back and let the man chase her. If he doesn't do so, then she dismisses him as an option and looks for a guy who does show obvious interest. 
By refusing to play the game due to obstinacy or fear, you will always lose out.
You have sat at home expecting her to come to you over literally weeks, and on reflection I think that was a mistake.
Note this guy has not done that, he flew to her asap to claim her as his own.
Unless she really doesn't like him, then this will earn him masses of brownie points.
You may see that as grovelling but at the moment certainly it is win for him.
 

[normal person]

58 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Exactly my point I can't play the game but I can look on as it's played. Just about the best I can do really.

Honest question: do you think the learning disability or some sort of hangover from it has hindered your assessment of these situations/environments, your course of action within them, and your seeming inability to change your methods?

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, normal person said:

Honest question: do you think the learning disability or some sort of hangover from it has hindered your assessment of these situations/environments, your course of action within them, and your seeming inability to change your methods?

Not at all. To be perfectly honest I do think had I had some success my viewpoint would be very different to what it is. Often I meet people who give up on life because nothing ever goes their way for whatever reason but often because nobody believes in them, give that person just a little bit of success and you can see their entire approach change.

You can agree or not but often our experiences shape our viewpoints and be it right or wrong mine are shaped by the dating experiences I have had, all of which have been negative. There is no positive to build on here, I went further than ever before this time in opening myself up but it's for nothing because I foolishly thought I had something to offer. 

The biggest mistake I made was actually bothering to even try 20 years ago, I regret every single experience because all I have for it is bitterness and zero good to show for it either.

Few people can truly understand how defeating it is to suffer loss after loss, more so when I do actually try but at some point I need to make the decision to just park it permanently and concede it's not bringing any happiness and just rationalise the loss and try live with it. That is very hard to do, especially because it would seem my love language is spending time with people I find attractive. Basically I'd be confining myself to never experience any sort of love. These are heavy things to carry but on the other hand there is no reasonable prospect of success either.

 

[ZA Dater]

48 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

This is a bad attitude and will likely get you nowhere too.
You don't have to necessarily beg and grovel, that is not a good look, but women do tend to expect men to put in the leg work.
Only desperate women, women with few options, very dominant women, or crazy women, or women looking for NSA sex, will actively chase men and always take the initiative.
Most women sit back and let the man chase her. If he doesn't do so, then she dismisses him as an option and looks for a guy who does show obvious interest. 
By refusing to play the game due to obstinacy or fear, you will always lose out.
You have sat at home expecting her to come to you over literally weeks, and on reflection I think that was a mistake.
Note this guy has not done that, he flew to her asap to claim her as his own.
Unless she really doesn't like him, then this will earn him masses of brownie points.
You may see that as grovelling but at the moment certainly it is win for him.
 

Of course it earns him a lot of brownie points it probably gets him in bed with her too. Which is all the guys chasing her really want anyway, feign interest to get what they want.

I am pretty stupid but even I can see that's the sole objective of the two I have met.

On the other hand she is flying down to see me next week.

Elaine, I can do whatever and ill still have a loss to show for it, best course pack it in and sit and watch that part of life for buy and hope I can find enough other good to plaster over this significant hole.

[Weezy1973]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

The biggest mistake I made was actually bothering to even try 20 years ago, I regret every single experience because all I have for it is bitterness and zero good to show for it either.

The biggest mistake is you refusing to learn and adapt. The reason you keep failing is because you’re adamantly against change. It’s as if you’re afraid of success...(and I think that’s true)

 

6 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Elaine, I can do whatever and ill still have a loss to show for it, best course pack it in and sit and watch that part of life for buy and hope I can find enough other good to plaster over this significant hole.

I know this was directed towards Elaine, but you’ll have to forgive us if we don’t believe this is going to happen. This is just part of your cycle. I doubt it’s different this time. Again, you refuse to learn, change and adapt. Why is this time different?

[elaine567]

32 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

On the other hand she is flying down to see me next week

But that does not gain you any brownie points.

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Sure, their interpretation of help is set me up with people I am completely incompatible with. Why would I for example want to date someone who goes to trance parties every other weekend or someone who likes to go out all the time or the best one yet, put the poor person on the spot "hey why don't you go out with ABC" the look of horror on the poor ladies face cannot be hidden.

No, when I actually need some help its never around but that is true I can just remove myself from this and I did, I asked to not be set up with anyone because of the above and because its a case of "well that is good enough for him". 

How about making friends that hang around the type of women you're compatible with?

[ZA Dater]

7 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

How about making friends that hang around the type of women you're compatible with?

I am not compatible with anyone.

[trident_2020]

You're compatible with the less desirable women on dating sites.

I suggest you start with them and slowly work your way up as you develop experience and confidence.

 

 

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

The biggest mistake is you refusing to learn and adapt. The reason you keep failing is because you’re adamantly against change. It’s as if you’re afraid of success...(and I think that’s true)

 

I know this was directed towards Elaine, but you’ll have to forgive us if we don’t believe this is going to happen. This is just part of your cycle. I doubt it’s different this time. Again, you refuse to learn, change and adapt. Why is this time different?

Adapt to what. I have tried my best, nothing else I can do. I can't change the fact I have no value and I am good at is deemed irrelevant.

[dramafreezone]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

I am not compatible with anyone.

Well when you've told yourself this for years, then I'm sure that's accurate.  You have no choice but to believe what you've told yourself.

[ZA Dater]

Just now, trident_2020 said:

You're compatible with the less desirable women on dating sites.

I suggest you start with them and slowly work your way up as you develop experience and confidence.

 

 

No thanks. I'd rather have nothing than date people I don't find attractive. 

[trident_2020]

Of course you do.

 

[ZA Dater]

Just now, dramafreezone said:

Well when you've told yourself this for years, then I'm sure that's accurate.  You have no choice but to believe what you've told yourself.

No evidence has ever been presented to disprove that so yes it's true. I have tried bit even when on the very rare occasion I do find someone attractive the results are the same so yea it is true.

[trident_2020]

You need practice and experience (with the less desirable women) yet you refuse.

You are your own worst enemy on so many levels.

 

[Weezy1973]

12 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

You need practice and experience (with the less desirable women) yet you refuse.

You are your own worst enemy on so many levels.

 

Yup. Again I’ll relate my high school experience crushing on the cheerleader. I pieced together that cheerleaders aren’t interested in me, then realized that they’re probably a bad match anyways. But it didn’t mean they weren’t still cute, it’s just the women that were cute weren’t  compatible. So I dated a woman that was very compatible, but not as cute. I wasn’t even attracted to her when we first met. That lasted 6 years. 
 

Second girlfriend we met in university. We were in the same class. In the first week the class was split into groups of three. It was me and two women. One of the women I thought was really attractive and didn’t really notice the other one. By the end of our first group session that had flipped, the woman I initially thought was attractive faded away, and my attraction was focused on the second woman. By the end of the semester we were dating. That lasted a year and a half. Attraction can grow after getting to know someone.

Your demand to have instant attraction is killing you considering the women you find the most attractive aren’t compatible with you. Your demand to stay in your social group, and not branch out to meet people that you might have more in common with limits your exposure to compatible women. You just refuse to do anything that will garner you success. And are adamant about it. Which one can only conclude that you fear success.

Edited March 16, 2021 by Weezy1973

[ZA Dater]

14 minutes ago, trident_2020 said:

You need practice and experience (with the less desirable women) yet you refuse.

You are your own worst enemy on so many levels.

 

No thanks. I won't use people like that.

[trident_2020]

You could just have one big pity party and invite all of them at once.

 

[trident_2020]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I dated a woman that was very compatible, but not as cute. I wasn’t even attracted to her when we first met. That lasted 6 years.

^This. Sometimes attraction that isn't there initially builds over time. Not only is ZA unable to attract women he's initially attracted to he won't give the others a chance.

Like I said, own worst enemy.

 

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Yup. Again I’ll relate my high school experience crushing on the cheerleader. I pieced together that cheerleaders aren’t interested in me, then realized that they’re probably a bad match anyways. But it didn’t mean they weren’t still cute, it’s just the women that were cute weren’t  compatible. So I dated a woman that was very compatible, but not as cute. I wasn’t even attracted to her when we first met. That lasted 6 years. 
 

Second girlfriend we met in university. We were in the same class. In the first week the class was split into groups of three. It was me and two women. One of the women I thought was really attractive and didn’t really notice the other one. By the end of our first group session that had flipped, the woman I initially thought was attractive faded away, and my attraction was focused on the second woman. By the end of the semester we were dating. That lasted a year and a half. Attraction can grow after getting to know someone.

Your demand to have instant attraction is killing you considering the women you find the most attractive aren’t compatible with you. Your demand to stay in your social group, and not branch out to meet people that you might have more in common with limits your exposure to compatible women. You just refuse to do anything that will garner you success. And are adamant about it. Which one can only conclude that you fear success.

Just not interested in people who I don't find attractive. I have done exactly what you say before and it doesn't work me because I have no interest in the person.

Even people I have something in common with doesn't work anyway. Anyway people her tell me it's not important to have anything in common.

[ZA Dater]

Just now, trident_2020 said:

^This. Sometimes attraction that isn't there initially builds over time. Not only is ZA unable to attract women he's initially attracted to he won't give the others a chance.

Like I said, own worst enemy.

 

Funny no lady I ever likes offered me the benefit of the doubt.

[trident_2020]

Just now, ZA Dater said:

people her[e]  tell me it's not important to have anything in common.

Yeah, not having anything in common doesn't matter, everybody knows that.

/sarcasm off

[dramafreezone]

30 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

No thanks. I'd rather have nothing than date people I don't find attractive. 

You are an interesting case if nothing else.

You have no shot to ever acheive what you want, because you don't want to improve yourself to attract the women you're attracted to, yet you won't want to date the women that would like you as you are.  Has nothing to do with your perceived shortcomings and everything to do with your own effort.  You think you've tried but people that have acheived what you want are telling you that you haven't tried.

Edited March 16, 2021 by dramafreezone

[ZA Dater]

15 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

You are an interesting case if nothing else.

You have no shot to ever acheive what you want, because you don't want to improve yourself to attract the women you're attracted to, yet you won't want to date the women that would like you as you are.  Has nothing to do with your perceived shortcomings and everything to do with your own effort.  You think you've tried but people that have acheived what you want are telling you that you haven't tried.

I have tried seeing as I am the person actually who has tried I think I know the effort I have put in. Improve to what exactly, please elaborate? I'd be very interested in the answer.

[dramafreezone]

19 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I have tried seeing as I am the person actually who has tried I think I know the effort I have put in. Improve to what exactly, please elaborate? I'd be very interested in the answer.

You want women that are 9s and 10s on the physical attractiveness scale, yet you're not doing anything to match that on your end.  These women that you like have tons of options, yet you're not doing anything to make yourself a 9 or 10.  We've talked about this, women love a high acheiving man, yet you're not interested in being a high acheiver.  What are you doing to make more money, open your own business, build a rich life for yourself?  You're fine with what you've accomplished career wise, but women want to be a part of an exciting, rich life, and this is even more the case for these extremely attactive women.  No woman wants to "date down" and be with some ordinary guy that's just content with a mediocre life.