Can this work

[jspice]

This woman was never interested in you. You didn’t ruin anything because you never had a chance. 
 

You positioned yourself as the asexual best friend and solidified that with “ I have no dating experience”. 
Why would you then think she would be interested in you in a romantic way? You told her you’ve never done anything with a woman so what about that makes you think she would see you in a romantic way ? She thought it was just business as usual. 
 

You refuse to give anyone a chance for feelings to grow on your part, yet here you are again expecting someone to like you because you’re “nice”.

You disparage and insult people who would date you but you somehow feel you DESERVE more than you you’d give to another. 
 

  

Edited March 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed personal attack

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, jspice said:

This woman was never interested in you. You didn’t ruin anything because you never had a chance. 
 

You positioned yourself as the asexual best friend and solidified that with “ I have no dating experience”. 
Why would you then think she would be interested in you in a romantic way? You told her you’ve never done anything with a woman so what about that makes you think she would see you in a romantic way ? She thought it was just business as usual. 
 

You refuse to give anyone a chance for feelings to grow on your part, yet here you are again expecting someone to like you because you’re “nice”.

You disparage and insult people who would date you but you somehow feel you DESERVE more than you you’d give to another. 
 

THAT is why it won’t work out for you. You’re actually not a nice person but you are a “nice guy”.  

Oh so suddenly I must force myself to date people I find unattractive, if you are going to dispense that advice I assume you have actually done that? Of course not.

Why should I give anyone a chance when I am never given the same? Again you done this, I suspect not.

Oh my bad for being honest perhaps I should have pretended to be a camps bay player..oh wait I forgot the rule is to lie as much as possible just so long as you get her into bed. My bad for not remembering that and simple refusing to so that.

I have no experience, pointless pretending otherwise.

[jspice]

Oh please! 🙄🙄

She didn’t find you attractive so she didn’t date you. She’s living by your philosophy. 
 

I have actually dated a lot of people where the attraction grew over time. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and was rewarded with the best times of my life. 
 

I’m not giving you advice because I know you don’t take any. Just stating facts. 

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, jspice said:

Oh please! 🙄🙄

She didn’t find you attractive so she didn’t date you. She’s living by your philosophy. 
 

I have actually dated a lot of people where the attraction grew over time. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and was rewarded with the best times of my life. 
 

I’m not giving you advice because I know you don’t take any. Just stating facts. 

Glad you enjoyed dating people who gave you an opportunity...oh wait...you got to pick them! Guess I won't ask what those best times were or what your interpretation is.

Thanks for the "facts" much appreciated.

 

 

[Weezy1973]

15 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Oh so suddenly I must force myself to date people I find unattractive, if you are going to dispense that advice I assume you have actually done that?

There are gray areas. Just because someone isn’t a 10 on your initial attraction meter doesn’t mean they’re a 0. You have to get rid of the idea of needing that initial “wow”! It’s meaningless. 

 

15 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Why should I give anyone a chance when I am never given the same? Again you done this, I suspect not.

This is called cutting off your nose to spite your face. Although I’ve never dated anyone I was repulsed by, I dated many women that weren’t initial “wows”. Most of those fizzled, but some turned into relationships. Including a long term, 6 year relationship.

And a couple of women that were initial “wow”, turned out to be horrible relationships. Initial wow is meaningless.

Edited March 15, 2021 by Weezy1973

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

There are gray areas. Just because someone isn’t a 10 on your initial attraction meter doesn’t mean they’re a 0. You have to get rid of the idea of needing that initial “wow”! It’s meaningless. 

 

This is called cutting off your nose to spite your face. Although I’ve never dated anyone I was repulsed by, I dated many women that weren’t initial “wows”. Most of those fizzled, but some turned into relationships. Including a long term, 6 year relationship.

 

It's not meaningless to me which doesn't make it wrong, this is my point what works for one night not for another. There is no grey area for me, I have tried this before and it never ever works and frankly it's a waste of time because to get out of it I need to get myself rejected. For me it's totally pointless if I feel nothing for the person.

Again I am only going to ever have nothing so I might as well just find ways to deal with that.

[jspice]

30 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Glad you enjoyed dating people who gave you an opportunity...oh wait...you got to pick them! Guess I won't ask what those best times were or what your interpretation is.

Thanks for the "facts" much appreciated.

 

 

You’re welcome 

[chillii]

But no feeling nothing for a person is an obvious waste of time no ones talking about someone you feel and see nothing with.  There can be in betweens though , parts of this or other parts of that and some of those parts can be great even perfect , if only, but things like that can actually grow with an open mind and it all changes. You'd be very surprised, even my older brothers been married 35yrs to someone like that , they're they only damn marriage that's lasted.

At any rate , l mean l doubt this one did see you in that way but just being her friend only solidifies that for sure. So what people were getting at is if there was a hope at all then there's only one way to possibly change it and turn things around, glory favors the bold.Yeah it's a risk , but men and women take that risk everyday, that's how they get somewhere.

 

Edited March 15, 2021 by chillii

[Weezy1973]

47 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

It's not meaningless to me which doesn't make it wrong, this is my point what works for one night not for another.

This isn’t working for you. At all.

 

48 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Again I am only going to ever have nothing so I might as well just find ways to deal with that.

Sure. Again this approach has never worked in the past. What are you going to do differently so you can deal with it?

[ZA Dater]

My fury is mostly reserved for myself but a portion of it also lies at the feet of my closest friends who love trying to set me up and go to extraordinary lengths to try with the most unsuitable people, people so fantastic none of them will date these people but somehow they are "fantastic' for me.

Yet when I find someone I like this help disappears, they all know I need all the help I can get yet I never get any support yet when their relationships go wrong who is there to support.

Bottom line I can't succeed at something I don't know how to do and when I am simply not good enough. I suppose that's why people watch sport, they wish they could play but not everyone can. Seems to me for some dating is the same.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

 

Sure. Again this approach has never worked in the past. What are you going to do differently so you can deal with it?

Completely remove myself from any social situation. Focus on work and nothing else, just recognise I am going to be alone forever. Millions of people live like this. 

Let's not kid ourselves not everyone has dating success. 

 

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

My fury is mostly reserved for myself but a portion of it also lies at the feet of my closest friends who love trying to set me up and go to extraordinary lengths to try with the most unsuitable people, people so fantastic none of them will date these people but somehow they are "fantastic' for me.

You acknowledge you’re very different from your friends, so wouldn’t it make sense that women that are suitable for you would be different than women that are suitable to them?

 

2 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Bottom line I can't succeed at something I don't know how to do

Even though practically every other adult has succeeded at getting dates and getting into relationships without having the knowledge to start? The reason you still don’t know what to do is you refuse to learn from your mistakes, and instead you do the same thing over and over again.

[ZA Dater]

4 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

This isn’t working for you. At all.

What really won't work is wasting time trying to force myself to like people I do not. The deal breakers about me are endless anyway so I am selling something unsellable.

That's reality. 

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

Let's not kid ourselves not everyone has dating success. 

 

Most people have some success, but certainly not everybody. But to be clear the people that don’t succeed aren’t victims of the world. They’re doing it to themselves, just like you.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

You acknowledge you’re very different from your friends, so wouldn’t it make sense that women that are suitable for you would be different than women that are suitable to them?

 

Even though practically every other adult has succeeded at getting dates and getting into relationships without having the knowledge to start? The reason you still don’t know what to do is you refuse to learn from your mistakes, and instead you do the same thing over and over again.

No it's simply pathetic pity on their part "oh shame maybe she would be good enough" For them the only thing that matters is how fast they can get her into bed.

 Nothing I try ever works. So that's largely mute.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

Most people have some success, but certainly not everybody. But to be clear the people that don’t succeed aren’t victims of the world. They’re doing it to themselves, just like you.

Oh sure whatever. The fact playboy resorts to deceit and trickery get what he wants, sorry if I won't do that. Sorry if I am too honest, sorry if I simply have no interest in being anyone who else but myself.

No it's a lot of bs, he with the biggest wallet, the best looks, the best charm and the biggest lie will always win. Sorry absolutely Nothing I have ever seen has disproven that and once again it's been proven to be true. 

Unless of course anyone will do in which case that is less relevant. My choices are so incredibly unappealing I'd rather sit at home and stare at a wall.

[basil67]

16 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I don't know how to do that. That's the crux of it. Never have known how because 20 years of rejection means I frankly don't know how to do anything more

You've got it backwards.  I would suggest that you've got 20 years of rejection because you didn't make a start.   Through the ages of about 16-18, young people start hanging in mixed gender social groups, going to parties and generally hanging out together. This is where they learn to chat and flirt with the opposite sex.   By the age of about 20, most have got some idea and are well on their way.  

My guess is that your late teens/early 20's did not look how I just described.

[ZA Dater]

9 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Most people have some success, but certainly not everybody. But to be clear the people that don’t succeed aren’t victims of the world. They’re doing it to themselves, just like you.

They are victims of circumstances. Nothing more.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

 

My guess is that your late teens/early 20's did not look how I just described.

No they did not hence the total lost cause. I wrote out my entire dating storyline which I an going to give to friends because frankly I am tired of the bs " oh it happens to me too" no none of them have had 20 years of constant rejection.

[basil67]

24 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

They are victims of circumstances. Nothing more.

I think you're both right.  Some are too choosy, punching above their weight and so they miss out.  But some have social skill disorders, such as Aspergers/ASD to a level where they struggle to master the social skills required for dating.   The first are victims of their own choices.  The second are victims of something in which they have limited control  

Going back to what @Weezy1973 said about dating regular people, I've always dated and loved good men who were generally around "average" on the scale of looks.    Meanwhile, you're complaining because you've never had the experience of dating even one beautiful woman.  It sounds like you're dealing with entitlement issues. 

Why are you resentful about not having an experience which many people who are successful in dating never achieve either?  Serious question. 

[basil67]

27 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

No they did not hence the total lost cause. I wrote out my entire dating storyline which I an going to give to friends because frankly I am tired of the bs " oh it happens to me too" no none of them have had 20 years of constant rejection.

No, do the full story: 20 years of constant rejection by women who are at the top of the dating pyramid.   You're punching above your weight - this does not garner sympathy or understanding from others.

Edited March 15, 2021 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

Why are you resentful about not having an experience which many people who are successful in dating never achieve either?  Serious question. 

Absolutely nobody I know has had to date people they do not find attractive. I do not see any point in dating people I don't find attractive. 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Absolutely nobody I know has had to date people they do not find attractive. I do not see any point in dating people I don't find attractive. 

Nobody says you have to date people who are unattractive.  But they way you complain about not having the chance...it reads as entitlement.  As if you should have had a chance to date someone who's beautiful.    Why should you (or anyone else) have an experience of dating a beautiful person?

Edited March 15, 2021 by basil67

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

No, do the full story: 20 years of constant rejection by women who are at the top of the dating pyramid.   You're punching above your weight - this does not garner sympathy or understanding from others.

Oh please then you know what I don't actually care. You have no idea the people I have chased and as people always tell me everyone is the same right? I don't buy into this pyramid nonsense but if you do it just proves my wallet, status, looks assertion is in fact true and correct. Either both are right or both are wrong.

Bottom line, I can work out each day and make an effort to look good, I have zero attraction to those who cannot put in the same effort. There I called it. All I get as matches are hopeless overweight people but I suppose aspiring to someone who does take care of themselves is "punching above my weight". 

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Nobody says you have to date people who are unattractive.  But they way you complain about not having the chance...it reads as entitlement.  As if you should have had a chance to date someone who's beautiful.    Why should you (or anyone else) have an experience of dating a beautiful person?

I don't have a chance because I have no experience and no qualities which have any value, I am trying to sell ice to an Eskimo. And besides even if I did manage that the first kiss would very quickly end any date and any chance.

All this whole experience showed me is how totally useless the qualities I have are and what my so called friends really think of me.