Can this work

[dramafreezone]

7 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Well I have yet to be proven wrong. Think about that, beliefs become beliefs in the absence of anything contrary. I have sat on OLD sites for probably 15 years, various sites with various profiles, with various pictures and various bios. "People that like me back" that is a foreign concept for me because I have never ever found mutual attraction ever. Yes,  I a lucky to sometimes get to spend time with people I like, far more lucky than going on dates with people on OLD who I frankly do not like but do so because people kept telling me its a numbers game, which clearly it is not, for me at least. 

Women I like do not want to date me irrespective of what face I put out there because there is always a better alternative, I have spent years trying to become that better alternative but still its not enough. You will find this themed echoed by many guys who simply have no dating life at all.The reality is I simply do not know how to date, one date I went on even told me as much "you lack experience, its obvious". At least she was honest. 

I have realised I wont ever find what I want, hence me having to be happy with scraps of what I like. It does not matter how caring I am, how interested I am, how engaging I am, how much interest I take, how many manners I show, none of that matters 95% of the time because there is ALWAYS some charming good looking guy who ultimately wins, nobody wants a shy introvert no matter how nice he might be, well unless they are are shy introverts and past experience has shown me I have zero interest in those people.

You tell me how a women would react if you told her you had never dated before? 

Here's a dating secret; you never, ever, ever tell a woman you've never dated before, or that you haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years or whatever.  Never, ever, ever, ever tell a woman that.

Here's why; women want a guy that other women want.  So if you tell them that you haven't dated anyone, while they will appreciate your honesty, that will be a huge red flag to most women.  Their rationale is, no other woman wants you so why should I?  It shouldn't be that way but it is.  When it comes to dating the rich get richer and the poor starve.

How do you overcome this?  Have you heard the term "fake it until you make it?"  You, absolutely have to fake it until you make it.  If you haven't dated, you have to act as if you date women all the time.  When a woman meets you she has no idea of how you do with other women, so if you act as if you're really good with women, she has no choice but to believe it.  Now this is much easier said than done, but trust me it can be done.  But first you have to rid yourself of all of this defeatist talk.  That is not compatible with faking it until you make it.  You need to start telling youself how great you are and that all of these women you meet on dates are no better than you.  If fact your self-esteem is so low that you need to start telling yourself that you're better than them.  I think an extreme mindset like that is the only way to get you balanced out.

Attracting a woman has nothing to do with how interseted you are in the woman, how engaging you are, how nice you are, or your manners.  In fact many men that have to fight the women off with a stick show little interest, are slow to engage, and could improve their manners.  Women are not attracted to men that are trying to impress them, and they don't respect them a lot of the time either.  It means that you think that she's more important than you are, and that you are putting on an act just to have sex with them.

There's plenty of content on youtube that I would recommend to you, but I think you need a total reprogramming, no offense intended.  I used to share a lot of your negative thought process, and it's all BS.

[Weezy1973]

19 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

How do you overcome this?  Have you heard the term "fake it until you make it?"  You, absolutely have to fake it until you make it. 

This is excellent advice. 

[ZA Dater]

On 1/23/2021 at 4:20 AM, dramafreezone said:

Here's a dating secret; you never, ever, ever tell a woman you've never dated before, or that you haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years or whatever.  Never, ever, ever, ever tell a woman that.

Here's why; women want a guy that other women want.  So if you tell them that you haven't dated anyone, while they will appreciate your honesty, that will be a huge red flag to most women.  Their rationale is, no other woman wants you so why should I?  It shouldn't be that way but it is.  When it comes to dating the rich get richer and the poor starve.

How do you overcome this?  Have you heard the term "fake it until you make it?"  You, absolutely have to fake it until you make it.  If you haven't dated, you have to act as if you date women all the time.  When a woman meets you she has no idea of how you do with other women, so if you act as if you're really good with women, she has no choice but to believe it.  Now this is much easier said than done, but trust me it can be done.  But first you have to rid yourself of all of this defeatist talk.  That is not compatible with faking it until you make it.  You need to start telling youself how great you are and that all of these women you meet on dates are no better than you.  If fact your self-esteem is so low that you need to start telling yourself that you're better than them.  I think an extreme mindset like that is the only way to get you balanced out.

Attracting a woman has nothing to do with how interseted you are in the woman, how engaging you are, how nice you are, or your manners.  In fact many men that have to fight the women off with a stick show little interest, are slow to engage, and could improve their manners.  Women are not attracted to men that are trying to impress them, and they don't respect them a lot of the time either.  It means that you think that she's more important than you are, and that you are putting on an act just to have sex with them.

There's plenty of content on youtube that I would recommend to you, but I think you need a total reprogramming, no offense intended.  I used to share a lot of your negative thought process, and it's all BS.

Well that is exactly my point. Honesty gets you nowhere and trickery and lying apparently get you everywhere, unfortunately I choose not to live like that and while I do not tell them I have not dated, its very obvious that that is the case. I cannot hide that. 

I do not do fake at anything, again its a life choice, I'd rather be who I am and fairly content than try pretend I am confident person which I am not. Pretend can only go on for so long before it all falls apart and it does because I have actually tried this fake game before but there was never any attraction so whatever I did was actually irrelevant. People read me very well because I am very transparent. When it comes to confidence I am as confident as the person sitting in front of me and as confident in environments where I feel confident, giving a speech no problem, chatting with very successful people, again no problem. 

Honestly, the number of people I have met who I really enjoy their company can be counted on two hands and they have always been confident outgoing people. The opposite of me. 

I have looked at much contrived content about this on you tube and its frankly cringe worthy. If that is what is needed then count me out, seriously I'd rather just sit in the corner and mind my own business and look on. 

No offence taken, I do not view this like many others do, I refuse to believe the things I am good at do not count but I also realise I cant change the world. In all seriousness its very much fit or f off really and fitting in is something I have never been interested in. 

I think you confuse defeatist with being realistic. The reality is the sort of people I like will never like me, I know this but I'd rather try in my own way to actually get a decent experience with someone I like than simply settle for people I do not find attractive, people on this forum do not seem to understand this. This view goes back to my teen years, even then I was trying with the people I liked but knew would not be interested and I got rejected every single time. You then think about what kind of mindset one acquires with no success at all. I can tell you this, they were not better than me, they were the same as me: people. 

Confidence is the hardest thing to acquire if all you know is rejection which is why good experience like this, however small are really good, I'd take two hours with someone I can be myself with over a dinner date with someone I have to be a fake version of myself with. I do not know how to show interest, for this is being kind, apparently it is not. When people were learning dating I was learning other things. Put simply I made the wrong choice and at 36/7 people simply will not accept someone who has no experience. 

Thanks for the advice nonetheless.

[trident_2020]

30 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

Well that is exactly my point. Honesty gets you nowhere and trickery and lying apparently get you everywhere, unfortunately I choose not to live like that

I do not do fake at anything, again its a life choice, I'd rather be who I am and fairly content than try pretend I am confident person which I am not. Pretend can only go on for so long before it all falls apart

I think you're confusing "putting your best foot forward" with pretending.

Let's try it with an analogy. When I was online dating, I'd mention that I'm into skiing, and scuba diving, and hiking, and I enjoy the outdoors, and I''m in good financial shape, and I don't have any major personality disorders.

I don't tell them that I'm extremely hairy all over every inch of my body if I don't shave regularly and I enjoy pushing out my farts as loudly as I can and I prefer to ejaculate on women's faces and I prefer to eat at Applebees rather than the fanciest steakhouse in town because I'm fairly cheap even though I make good money. That sort of thing can come out later.

It's not lying, it's not pretending, it's just keeping the more um.. controversial issues.. on the back burner until it's necessary to discuss them.

 

 

[dramafreezone]

You can either spend time complaining that things should be a certain way, or you can accept reality and adapt.  The choice is yours.  You say you're fairly content but yet here we are, your conversation would indicate that you are not content at all, or else you wouldn't be here.

I used to think like you.  The way you're thinking will not serve your interests.  You see it as faking and yes I even used that word because the quote is easy to remember, but "faking it until you make it" is actually replacing old, faulty programming with new programming that will serve you better in life.  Eventually you won't be faking at all, you will have internalized that mindset.

Your thoughts are just that, programming that you accept as reality when it's not.  The reality is what you value is not what women care about or what attracts them.  They couldn't give two damns about your honesty.  What women care about is themselves, and how people make them feel.  If acting as though you're much better with women than you are helps her to feel better about the type of man she's dating, and in becoming more attracted to you she makes you feel better and more confident, which in turn attracts her even more, then who exactly is the victim here?

You think women should be attracted to you because you're honest.  Why?  How does that serve her?  What can she do with your honesty?  Can your honesty provide for her?  Can your honesty protect her from someone that wants to do her harm?  Does your honesty make you a better lover? 

Confidence is hard to acquire, but it can be done.  You have to accept your insecurities and understand that whatever they are, there are women that would accept them.  You also have to know your strengths and amplify those.  Make yourself the best version of yourself by maximizing your strengths and doing your best to improve your weaknesses.  You say you're good at giving speeches, hell why not train to become a motivational speaker?  Public speaking is one of the most common fears, and you don't have it.  People are naturally attracted to those that are strong in areas that they want to be better in.  They want to emulate them and be around them.  That's a skill of yours, so take it to the extreme.

At the root of this is the fact that you cannot admit that the way you see relationships and attraction with women is just wrong.  The methods that you thought were right are deeply flawed.  You have the power to correct them, but until you can do that, you'll continue to suffer.

Edited January 24, 2021 by dramafreezone

[Miss Spider]

17 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Well that is exactly my point. Honesty gets you nowhere and trickery and lying apparently get you everywhere, unfortunately I choose not to live like that and while I do not tell them I have not dated, its very obvious that that is the case. I cannot hide that. 

I do not do fake at anything, again its a life choice, I'd rather be who I am and fairly content than try pretend I am confident person which I am not. Pretend can only go on for so long before it all falls apart and it does because I have actually tried this fake game before but there was never any attraction so whatever I did was actually irrelevant. People read me very well because I am very transparent. When it comes to confidence I am as confident as the person sitting in front of me and as confident in environments where I feel confident, giving a speech no problem, chatting with very successful people, again no problem. 

Honestly, the number of people I have met who I really enjoy their company can be counted on two hands and they have always been confident outgoing people. The opposite of me. 

I have looked at much contrived content about this on you tube and its frankly cringe worthy. If that is what is needed then count me out, seriously I'd rather just sit in the corner and mind my own business and look on. 

No offence taken, I do not view this like many others do, I refuse to believe the things I am good at do not count but I also realise I cant change the world. In all seriousness its very much fit or f off really and fitting in is something I have never been interested in. 

I think you confuse defeatist with being realistic. The reality is the sort of people I like will never like me, I know this but I'd rather try in my own way to actually get a decent experience with someone I like than simply settle for people I do not find attractive, people on this forum do not seem to understand this. This view goes back to my teen years, even then I was trying with the people I liked but knew would not be interested and I got rejected every single time. You then think about what kind of mindset one acquires with no success at all. I can tell you this, they were not better than me, they were the same as me: people. 

Confidence is the hardest thing to acquire if all you know is rejection which is why good experience like this, however small are really good, I'd take two hours with someone I can be myself with over a dinner date with someone I have to be a fake version of myself with. I do not know how to show interest, for this is being kind, apparently it is not. When people were learning dating I was learning other things. Put simply I made the wrong choice and at 36/7 people simply will not accept someone who has no experience. 

Thanks for the advice nonetheless.

You don’t want to learn about dating or implement any of the advice that countless people have given you for going on 6 years you’ve been making these posts. You don’t want to make the changes because of a “life choice”. You don’t want to try something new that other people are saying worked for them. So now on top of throwing your hands up and refuting any advice given, you’ve also now you’ve decided to invented this ‘new idea’ of dating, in which you become “friends” with someone that you’d love to date, because being some part of the person’s life is better than nothing? Except this is not a new concept at all. It is called being in the friend zone and men have been doing it since time immemorial. But it seems kind of disingenuous for someone who claims to keep it 100% real....Not being fake is telling someone how you really feel. But that might make them uncomfortable and not want to be friends. 

Edited January 25, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[ZA Dater]

14 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

You can either spend time complaining that things should be a certain way, or you can accept reality and adapt.  The choice is yours.  You say you're fairly content but yet here we are, your conversation would indicate that you are not content at all, or else you wouldn't be here.

I used to think like you.  The way you're thinking will not serve your interests.  You see it as faking and yes I even used that word because the quote is easy to remember, but "faking it until you make it" is actually replacing old, faulty programming with new programming that will serve you better in life.  Eventually you won't be faking at all, you will have internalized that mindset.

Your thoughts are just that, programming that you accept as reality when it's not.  The reality is what you value is not what women care about or what attracts them.  They couldn't give two damns about your honesty.  What women care about is themselves, and how people make them feel.  If acting as though you're much better with women than you are helps her to feel better about the type of man she's dating, and in becoming more attracted to you she makes you feel better and more confident, which in turn attracts her even more, then who exactly is the victim here?

You think women should be attracted to you because you're honest.  Why?  How does that serve her?  What can she do with your honesty?  Can your honesty provide for her?  Can your honesty protect her from someone that wants to do her harm?  Does your honesty make you a better lover? 

Confidence is hard to acquire, but it can be done.  You have to accept your insecurities and understand that whatever they are, there are women that would accept them.  You also have to know your strengths and amplify those.  Make yourself the best version of yourself by maximizing your strengths and doing your best to improve your weaknesses.  You say you're good at giving speeches, hell why not train to become a motivational speaker?  Public speaking is one of the most common fears, and you don't have it.  People are naturally attracted to those that are strong in areas that they want to be better in.  They want to emulate them and be around them.  That's a skill of yours, so take it to the extreme.

At the root of this is the fact that you cannot admit that the way you see relationships and attraction with women is just wrong.  The methods that you thought were right are deeply flawed.  You have the power to correct them, but until you can do that, you'll continue to suffer.

I read that twice. Again I will rather be the best version of who am than someone I am not. Why must I do public speaking, it serves me no purpose, much my interest in world affairs serves me no purpose at dating, or my love of cars, absolutely nothing about me is set up for dating. I cannot explain away no relationship experience, I cannot fake that away and I have tried, I cannot pretend I have experience, I cannot pretend these things. They are the reality, I get to choose, do I feel bad about them or do I simply embrace them. I could not give a continental what most women think of me, really I could not, I get judged for those things all the while many bleat about players?

The bold just reaffirms my point, most would not, those who would probably do not have much choice themselves. My biggest plus point is my ability to take interest in people I find attractive and my near unlimited kindness and loyalty to people around me. But unfortunately those count for nothing. 

What does having a GF serve me? What does she contribute to my life? Why is it men must beg down and grovel, sorry I am not going to do that, never have and never will. If she wants to be provided for she can go out and get gainful employment like everyone else. I'd be a useless lover so already that makes me extremely undesirable, I suppose I must fake that too?

The things I can do are be more comfortable in my own skin, care even less about the opinions of others and just present the good parts of me even though I know they are never going to be enough to compete with Chad. Fortunately every few years I do meet someone who ticks my boxes but is totally unattainable, at least I know that what I like and want is in fact out there even if totally unattainable to me.

I totally disagree with the large bold portion why should I be superior when I am not, frankly to me everyone is the same and treat everyone the same. I am not going to tailor myself because well maybe that athletic brunette over there is going to be impressed I am reading ABC book or like some people I know go to yoga because "there are hot chicks there many, you should come", I do not enjoy yoga so why would I do something I enjoy on the statistically improbable idea someone may like me?

Maybe its simply more important to me to say I lived life on my own terms even if it means I am forever alone and never get any experience at all. 

[trident_2020]

3 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Why is it men must beg down and grovel

I never did that, what am I missing?

[dramafreezone]

You keep saying you're not going to change and that you'd rather be alone than change, yet here we are, you're asking about advice in regards of dealing with women.  You can try to convince yourself of whatever, you can say you're not going to beg and grovel but your actions show that you definitely want female companionship.  It's as if your mind is at odds with your hormones.

"My biggest plus point is my ability to take interest in people I find attractive and my near unlimited kindness and loyalty to people around me. But unfortunately those count for nothing. " - it's not that it doesn't count for anything, it's that it doesn't do anything to attract women.  It's not unique.  There are millions of men that provide kindness, loyality to women.  Why do you think yours should count for more than anyone elses?

I guess simply if you don't really care that much about female companionship then why did you even begin this topic?  It wouldn't be a topic worth broaching if you believed what you're saying.  It just seems that you think that you shoudn't have to make changes to yourself to get women.  The reality is that everyone that wants something worthwhile has to sacrifice or compromise to get it. 

Nevertheless, there are women out there that would take you as is right now, but you don't want to put forth the effort to meet them.   So how is it going to happen?  You almost are acting as though you're entitled in a way.  Really unusual dynamic that's going on with you.  To meet it's apparent that you're not content but you're not willing to make changes to acheive happiness because you want to "live on your own terms."

[basil67]

ZA Dater wrote >>My biggest plus point is my ability to take interest in people I find attractive<<

This isn't a plus point because it's just an example of the shallowness which humanity displays.  Every woman, man and their dog is good at taking interest in people they find attractive (or interesting).   A real plus point is the ability to look past the exterior and take interest in those who aren't immediately attractive, or who are quiet or unusual.  

[Weezy1973]

2 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

Nevertheless, there are women out there that would take you as is right now, but you don't want to put forth the effort to meet them.   So how is it going to happen?  You almost are acting as though you're entitled in a way.  Really unusual dynamic that's going on with you.  To meet it's apparent that you're not content but you're not willing to make changes to acheive happiness because you want to "live on your own terms."

It’s my opinion that @ZA Dater subconsciously avoids intimacy with women as a defense mechanism. This is why his behavior seems so unusual. He’s trying to find a cheat code for finding intimacy with a woman, without there being any risk. And so you get this endless cycle of back and forth, usually “ending” in him saying he’ll have to give up and just be happy in the few experiences he does have that he enjoys etc. And I put ending in quotes because it doesn’t end. A few weeks later he comes back on trying to find a way to find intimacy without risking getting hurt...and round and round it goes...

[elaine567]

9 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

He’s trying to find a cheat code for finding intimacy with a woman, without there being any risk.

Yes it all about trying to cheat the system.
Trying to sneak into the back door to get the girl without having to fight for her.
Maybe his self esteem is low but his ego is huge.
He believes he is something special and he is entitled to the "best".
He doesn't need to be flexible, he doesn't need to change, he is perfect, everyone else is wrong.

He is trying to buy a Rolls Royce with about $100 in his pocket.
He is unwilling to work to get the money needed, unwilling to gamble, unwilling to take any risks, unwilling to do anything really to amass the cash needed, but somehow he deserves that Rolls Royce, someone should just give it to him, else it is all so unfair...

[ZA Dater]

15 hours ago, dramafreezone said:

You keep saying you're not going to change and that you'd rather be alone than change, yet here we are, you're asking about advice in regards of dealing with women.  You can try to convince yourself of whatever, you can say you're not going to beg and grovel but your actions show that you definitely want female companionship.  It's as if your mind is at odds with your hormones.

"My biggest plus point is my ability to take interest in people I find attractive and my near unlimited kindness and loyalty to people around me. But unfortunately those count for nothing. " - it's not that it doesn't count for anything, it's that it doesn't do anything to attract women.  It's not unique.  There are millions of men that provide kindness, loyality to women.  Why do you think yours should count for more than anyone elses?

I guess simply if you don't really care that much about female companionship then why did you even begin this topic?  It wouldn't be a topic worth broaching if you believed what you're saying.  It just seems that you think that you shoudn't have to make changes to yourself to get women.  The reality is that everyone that wants something worthwhile has to sacrifice or compromise to get it. 

Nevertheless, there are women out there that would take you as is right now, but you don't want to put forth the effort to meet them.   So how is it going to happen?  You almost are acting as though you're entitled in a way.  Really unusual dynamic that's going on with you.  To meet it's apparent that you're not content but you're not willing to make changes to acheive happiness because you want to "live on your own terms."

You are right I am not going to bend over backward and compromise unless its for something I absolutely want and what I absolutely DO NOT want is "well give her a few dates you might her attractive" that is BS of the highest order. Sure, I'll bend over backward if it someone I do actually like but those are very few and far between and almost always I know its not exactly viable from the start. 

I simply refuse to make changes for changes sake, a few years ago I changed me approach completely, new approach, new look, new outlook and I thought to myself this is nice and maybe I will see some improvement, I did not expect drastic improvement but just a few green shoots so to speak, so I went out with this new approach and the results were just the same, I was not attracting any more attractive people than before, the dates I had were the same as before, the conversation was an unstimulating as before and the result was actually  tremendous waste of time.

The I went reading about body language, then I went out a gain and tried to practice that, again the people I met were not interesting and frankly simply did not tick the boxes of things i am looking for. 

Cool, then I went out again on my own and observed people who do find success and do date people they found attractive, EVERY time I have done this I realize the SAME thing, they have personality traits I simply do not have, they have ways of thinkin I simply do not have, they have charm I simply do not have. There are no common traits at ALL. None. So when I can sit and have a lovely chat with someone and interact with them by just being ME it is a WIN for me. Sure, I get it people need to learn but I'd argue none of the traits I see in successful daters were traits they had to learn. If I think back to HS, its the same, the same sort of guys had success and the same SORT did not. Oddly enough that was also the only time where I was actually deemed desirable. 

Oh well.

[ZA Dater]

12 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s my opinion that @ZA Dater subconsciously avoids intimacy with women as a defense mechanism. This is why his behavior seems so unusual. He’s trying to find a cheat code for finding intimacy with a woman, without there being any risk. And so you get this endless cycle of back and forth, usually “ending” in him saying he’ll have to give up and just be happy in the few experiences he does have that he enjoys etc. And I put ending in quotes because it doesn’t end. A few weeks later he comes back on trying to find a way to find intimacy without risking getting hurt...and round and round it goes...

Actually partly true because of years and years and years of rejection. You take 20 years of rejection without one success and tell me you would not try any sort of reasonable work around. You go 20 years without one instance of mutual attraction and then tell me you would not look at how this so called system works. 

I am not going to bother with any risk on people who do not find me attractive. Anyone with any degree of option will never find me attractive so the best I can get is friendship or some sort of I help she give me some emotional attention type arrangement.

[ZA Dater]

2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Yes it all about trying to cheat the system.
Trying to sneak into the back door to get the girl without having to fight for her.
Maybe his self esteem is low but his ego is huge.
He believes he is something special and he is entitled to the "best".
He doesn't need to be flexible, he doesn't need to change, he is perfect, everyone else is wrong.

He is trying to buy a Rolls Royce with about $100 in his pocket.
He is unwilling to work to get the money needed, unwilling to gamble, unwilling to take any risks, unwilling to do anything really to amass the cash needed, but somehow he deserves that Rolls Royce, someone should just give it to him, else it is all so unfair...

This is one of the posts I should not respond to but will anyway. Yeah, sure I need to bend over backward, for what, what is the win here for someone I know wont be into me anyway, if there is one problem I do have its an absolute and total intolerance of "you should settle" mantra. Why should I settle, I do not know many others who have. 

You are right, I'd rather sit in a rolls and have an empty garage, than have a Datsun in the garage. Not sure what you mean by best but anyway, if you mean attractive, why not, why should I force myself to be attracted to someone I am not, what does that accomplish, nothing, its like writing an essay by copying a book. No sense of accomplishment at all.

I am far from perfect but I am morally better than some. I have friends who honestly sleep around, I cannot even keep track of their current girlfriend or how many they are dating at once, would I do that, probably not because I do not believe that is a way to treat people.

I could sit on dates and boast but its stupid and serves no purpose much like selling serves not purpose either. What I am primarily interested in is how someone makes me feel.

[jspice]

On 1/25/2021 at 6:15 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

You don’t want to learn about dating or implement any of the advice that countless people have given you for going on 6 years you’ve been making these posts. You don’t want to make the changes because of a “life choice”. You don’t want to try something new that other people are saying worked for them. So now on top of throwing your hands up and refuting any advice given, you’ve also now you’ve decided to invented this ‘new idea’ of dating, in which you become “friends” with someone that you’d love to date, because being some part of the person’s life is better than nothing? Except this is not a new concept at all. It is called being in the friend zone and men have been doing it since time immemorial. But it seems kind of disingenuous for someone who claims to keep it 100% real....Not being fake is telling someone how you really feel. But that might make them uncomfortable and not want to be friends. 

He also takes advantage of women in a vulnerable situation. Or attempts to do so. 
He “doesn’t drink” but went away for a weekend with his “friend” and not only drank wine but came on to her after she’d been drinking. He said he was going to do this before they had the weekend away. 
She still refused. 

Paid sugar babies because they have to be nice.  
 

Now here’s a widow who he thinks is damaged goods so he thinks he stands a shot. 
 

All very disingenuous but morally he thinks he’s above the rest of us because the only way we get dates is by being fake and compromising our morals 🙄

[trident_2020]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I am not going to bother with any risk on people who do not find me attractive. 

Risk? You act is if going on a few dates is akin to BASE jumping or swimming with sharks.

What’s the worst that can happen? You let fear control you to the point that you overthink everything to the point that you are unable to do anything but complain.

[Trail Blazer]

16 hours ago, basil67 said:

ZA Dater wrote >>My biggest plus point is my ability to take interest in people I find attractive<<

This isn't a plus point because it's just an example of the shallowness which humanity displays.  Every woman, man and their dog is good at taking interest in people they find attractive (or interesting).   A real plus point is the ability to look past the exterior and take interest in those who aren't immediately attractive, or who are quiet or unusual.  

That plus point only serves well those who cannot attract people they're attracted to.  Is this your way of pointing out to OP that he's too fussy and should lower his standards?

[Trail Blazer]

On 1/21/2021 at 8:46 PM, elaine567 said:

I don't think you happened to mention that before...
I guess her followers are not following her because she is a climate change activist or a mathematical genius...
They are following her for how she looks and so why you thought you had a chance with her, was highly delusional, of course it was.
What were you thinking?

These girls who end up staying with you for a few days are NOT seeing you as a love interest, you provide a convenient place to stay whilst they are in town, that is all.
They are friendly because they they have no reason not to be, they are relying on you for a place to stay, so why would they want to make that  uncomfortable for themselves and you? 
Until you realise  and accept the women who are going to choose to be with you, are the women you actually attract on OLD, then  nothing is going to work for you. You are average and so you will attract average people, that is the bottom line. Women with 40K of  IG followers are not looking for average... They may detest players but they are still not looking for average...
Pushing against open doors is far easier and more fulfilling than always trying to get into locked rooms and failing miserably.
Yes  your match may be fat, fertile and forty, but that does not mean she is of any less value than the IG model who is totally out of your reach.
She is actually of more value than the model, as she is prepared to be with you, "the model" will always be looking for "better"....
Life is not a Rom-Com movie.

I understand the point you are trying to make, but in reality, she has zero value to OP if he doesn't find her attractive. 

Dating isn't like shopping for a car.  Just about all of us need a car, or a washing machine, but we don't not purchase a car because what we really want is a Lamborghini when all we can actually afford is a Toyota Camry.

The Camry is what we can afford, so we must settle on what is within our budget.  However, if we can't fall in love with someone we're not attracted to, what can we do? 

Relationships can't be treated like a domestic appliance.  Relationship success is contingent upon everything that a domestic appliance doesn't require.  If a relationship doesn't make us feel good to be in, we're better off not being in one.

[elaine567]

This girl is a 40K IG model, she was never going to fall under the ZA Dater spell.
No-one up till now ever has, so why would a girl with her pick of eligible guys want to go there?
I agree he needs to find a girl he is attracted to but he has to be sensible and not get all excited about women he has no hope of ever  being in a relationship with.
This "set up" where he provides a cheap/free place to stay for girls from out of town, I guess via his friend, is just fuelling his delusional mindset.
 A bit like his passion for super cars, he can go for a drive but he will never own one, more delusion.
 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

That plus point only serves well those who cannot attract people they're attracted to.  Is this your way of pointing out to OP that he's too fussy and should lower his standards?

@ZA Dater cannot attract people he’s attracted to. I suspect he is only attracted to women he can’t get as a defense mechanism. No chance of getting in a relationship that way; no chance of getting hurt. He refuses to date his equivalent in the dating world.

Edited January 26, 2021 by Weezy1973

[dramafreezone]

On 12/17/2020 at 1:20 AM, ZA Dater said:

 

You assume I have not sat down with therapists.... I will say this I got zero value from any of them, fundamentally the issue I have with it, its all theoretical, one size fits all which is nonsense in my opinion. Actually the value I did get was a good debate. I have just accepted some people connect better than others. 

 

That is not surprising that you would say that you get zero value from therapists.  You consistently reject any insights provided to you here as well.  Right now you seem incapable of thinking that your belief system is just deeply flawed, despite an insurmountable amount of evidence that we can all see from your personal account of your life. 

I believe this may stem from some degree of intellectual vanity; essentially the one thing about yourself that you apparently do hold in high regard is your intellect, and because of this, you think (correctly in many cases) that your ability to intepret things is superior to most others.  This can be taken too far though when you disregard the opinions of those that have expertise in areas in which you do not.

I say this as someone that probably has some intellctual vanity as well.  I can see it in others.  Being intelligent is a gift, but a curse when you feel you have nothing to learn from others.  We all have blind spots, and attracting women is a blind spot for you.  You're not incapable of doing it, but you need help and you need to be receptive to that help.

Edited January 26, 2021 by dramafreezone

[trident_2020]

6 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

This is one of the posts I should not respond to but will anyway.

Why even write this? It's a small detail but it says a lot about your perspective.

"This post is beneath my level and not worth my time and effort to respond" however it's a slow day and I've got nothing better to do so I will give this mere mortal the honor of my reply.

Your bitterness is permeating every one of your posts and it's gotten worse over the years.

If you're like this in person you don't stand a chance at a second date.

 

[ZA Dater]

4 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Relationships can't be treated like a domestic appliance.  Relationship success is contingent upon everything that a domestic appliance doesn't require.  If a relationship doesn't make us feel good to be in, we're better off not being in one.

Exactly my point. I enjoyed spending time with this lady and we do actually still chat from time to time, though its always me me communicates first. What on earth is the point trying to date someone who does not make me feel good. Am I fussy, sure I am, simply because I know what is in fact out there. For whatever reason I have had an interesting different life, met different sorts of people and learnt a lot from them but inherently what I want is some sort of partnership, I want someone I can team up with and share great experiences with but most of all I need someone who has a warm personality. 

Ultimately I basically trying to fit puzzle pieces together which do not fit, its always the same with me. But when they do sort of fit its a great feeling for a while because for a time I have exactly what I want. 

[ZA Dater]

3 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

@ZA Dater cannot attract people he’s attracted to. I suspect he is only attracted to women he can’t get as a defense mechanism. No chance of getting in a relationship that way; no chance of getting hurt. He refuses to date his equivalent in the dating world.

You were sort of correct in your earlier post, this one is way off base, though who is my equivalent exactly? Why bother dating someone I do not find attractive, a total complete waste of time.