Crush on guy I watch movies with. how to approach it

[Miss Spider]

On 12/24/2020 at 7:42 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Ok. No 🍷 wine . However make sure you can get on the same page with which movies to watch.

Are you watching movies you like or are just meh about?🎬

Now if a guy has Netflix, Prime video, HBO, etc. and let's you watch as a guest...

That's a keeper 😁 

Haha no, I love the movies we watch. That’s part of what made me fall for him. The movies he picks. Just to be clear, we watch the serial killer snowman B- movie ‘Jack Frost’, not the Michael Keaton/Kelly Preston one. 
 

So just a minor update. We are spending New Year’s eve together. Will be with his other friends also. There’s only one minor problem coming up. I still love his personality but I can’t say that I am feeling that drawn to him in other ways anymore (since we met in person  ) i’m going to continue since we are technically still just friends, but this might be an issue if history is any indication. This might end bad. We’ll see

[NuevoYorko]

On 12/27/2020 at 2:07 PM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 

So just a minor update. We are spending New Year’s eve together. Will be with his other friends also. There’s only one minor problem coming up. I still love his personality but I can’t say that I am feeling that drawn to him in other ways anymore (since we met in person  ) i’m going to continue since we are technically still just friends, but this might be an issue if history is any indication. This might end bad. We’ll see

????   On the 19th and I believe on the 20th as well, you said that you do NOT like his personality, even as a "close" friend (which makes no sense to me since he's a complete stranger, but whatever).  So ...

You THEN went on a date with him on the 23rd?  Evidently you started flirting right after you realized that you DO NOT LIKE HIM?

And now, you "love" his personality though you're not drawn to him in other ways, but you are going to "continue"? 

Continue what?  It might end bad?  Probably.  You are going out of your way to engage with a guy who you don't know at all but from what you DO know, he's not doing it for you at all. 

Why are you spending your energy making something out of nothing?  What are you looking for out of this?  It seems as if you are just stirring up some drama.  Why?

 

 

[Miss Spider]

21 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

????   On the 19th and I believe on the 20th as well, you said that you do NOT like his personality, even as a "close" friend (which makes no sense to me since he's a complete stranger, but whatever).  So ...

You THEN went on a date with him on the 23rd?  Evidently you started flirting right after you realized that you DO NOT LIKE HIM?

And now, you "love" his personality though you're not drawn to him in other ways, but you are going to "continue"? 

Continue what?  It might end bad?  Probably.  You are going out of your way to engage with a guy who you don't know at all but from what you DO know, he's not doing it for you at all. 

Why are you spending your energy making something out of nothing?  What are you looking for out of this?  It seems as if you are just stirring up some drama.  Why?

 

 

Idk Nuevo Yorko. I guess he grew on me.We talked a little more and then after I met for the first time in person before Xmas and I started to really like him. I even had sparks for a minute. It was just a casual meet, more as “friends”, but  I felt excited and it was fun.
 

Then we were planning for meeting after Christmas. I told him I couldn’t make it the Saturday after Xmas. He started to show more that he was romantically interested in me. We kept talking and I don’t know why,  but I am wondering if there just isn’t enough attraction there for me to take it beyond friends.. especially longer term...

 

He looks very different in person than he does on cam... Not cat fishing, the lighting is just low and I couldn’t see his body that well before. He’s still cute, though.  This what I meant that I just want to take it slow without the romantic interest coming into it. Anyway, maybe you are right that I’m looking for trouble  but I had fun with him and started to like him as a person. And I think @Happy Lemming is right that a little bit of stuff it was putting on a show because he may have got the wrong impression about me and I had the wrong impression too. 
But I like his personality. It’s kind of more outgoing than I would like, but there’s something deeper too that is below the surface. Also  jokes that annoyed me and I thought were bad are kind of funny now that I get him. 

Edited December 29, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Happy Lemming]

@Shortskirtslonglashes

In the end, if you are happy... then go with the flow.

You can spend some time with this guy and enjoy his company.  If it turns into a dating relationship, fine... if it doesn't that is fine, as well.

It is perfectly OK to be unsure as to where this will go or not go.  Moreover, its nice to spend time with other people, you may laugh, joke, kid around, get a hot chocolate together and go for a walk in the cold. Just have some good clean fun!!

[NuevoYorko]

44 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

@Shortskirtslonglashes

In the end, if you are happy... then go with the flow.

You can spend some time with this guy and enjoy his company.  If it turns into a dating relationship, fine... if it doesn't that is fine, as well.

It is perfectly OK to be unsure as to where this will go or not go.  Moreover, its nice to spend time with other people, you may laugh, joke, kid around, get a hot chocolate together and go for a walk in the cold. Just have some good clean fun!!

In general, I agree with all of this.  This is not starting out anything like lighthearted and fun though.  First, angst about whether to start flirting now, or later, or when.  Now, musing about how it might "end bad."  From my point of view, this is not starting out like a friendship, at least not a healthy one. And there's COVID in the mix.

Oh well, OP.  I hope it's all good fun and either you end up in love or with a meaningful friendship out of it.  I don't get it but there is no reason why I should have to.

[Miss Spider]

I am just updating to say that we are dating as of last Saturday. We kissed. I don’t know how I feel about this. What is kind of troubling me is that I think he really likes me and I like him a little bit but I think more as a friend to be honest. I am also planning on seeing other people and making a dating profile soon. =/. I think I am up crap creek without a paddle again but it’s whatever. Nothing I am not used to treading

[d0nnivain]

51 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

 I think he really likes me and I like him a little bit but I think more as a friend to be honest.

Then you need to stop kissing him & you need to stop dating him.  If you see him as a friend, stringing him along is cruel.

[FMW]

4 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I think I am up crap creek without a paddle again but it’s whatever. Nothing I am not used to treading

You're in a repetitive cycle.  The "whatever" attitude probably has a lot to do with that.  

Yes, it's fun to just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may.  But then don't be surprised when you're once again wondering how to end the relationship and lamenting that you've hurt him.  

Maybe you like the (1) attention of someone really liking you and (2) the drama of "being up crap creek without a paddle".  Doing the same thing over and over is going to get the same results.  You're smart, you know that.  So it leads me to believe this is the dynamic you are seeking, you just don't want to admit it to yourself.  

There is nothing wrong with dating for a while to figure out how you feel about someone, that's how it goes for most people. But craving drama and excitement probably results in you putting out a vibe and communicating feelings and intentions that you don't have.  That's where the problem comes in.  

[elaine567]

You say on another thread, you have a strong thing for depressed and broken men.
You just lined up another candidate.
This poor guy probably thinks he just won the lottery, yet you in fact, friend-zoned him early doors. 
Kissing guys you are not really interested in, only leads to confusion and upset.
It is unfair IMO to enter into the dating arena seeking only friends, guys get hurt unnecessarily.
Plenty guys get bitter and twisted and end up hating women, there is no need to cultivate another one.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I am just updating to say that we are dating as of last Saturday. We kissed. I don’t know how I feel about this. What is kind of troubling me is that I think he really likes me and I like him a little bit but I think more as a friend to be honest. I am also planning on seeing other people and making a dating profile soon. =/. I think I am up crap creek without a paddle again but it’s whatever. Nothing I am not used to treading

So seems like you were interested when you didn't think he was interested, but now that he is you're not feeling it anymore?  Doesn't seem fair to do that to him.  Would be infuriating to me.

It's a good idea to just keep friends as friends and lovers as lovers.  You start out as friends then transition to something more, often times there is no going back to friends.

[basil67]

12 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I am just updating to say that we are dating as of last Saturday (snip) I am also planning on seeing other people and making a dating profile soon.

How do you justify doing this to him?   

Edited January 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Interstellar]

18 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

I am just updating to say that we are dating as of last Saturday. We kissed. I don’t know how I feel about this. What is kind of troubling me is that I think he really likes me and I like him a little bit but I think more as a friend to be honest. I am also planning on seeing other people and making a dating profile soon. =/. I think I am up crap creek without a paddle again but it’s whatever. Nothing I am not used to treading

What made you decide that he’s just a friend?  he kissed you too soon? or because he likes you more? just curious

Edited January 17, 2021 by Interstellar

[Miss Spider]

Wow... thank you for the perspectives but kind of hurtful and don’t agree.,I adopted an it’s whatever attitude because it really doesn’t matter what I do, I am the bad guy eventually... The only solution to that would really be not to date at all and I don’t see why I should do that .   Actually, plenty of people do this and it’s actually encouraged here when other people do it. Start out as friends and even if you aren’t sure 100% yet, go with it and give it a shot. We are still just dating. He is not in love with me. We are not in a serious relationship yet. but if this should end, instead of it was a nice experience we did just not work out, I am a horrible and terrible person who is desperate for validation or intentionally hurts others or whatever other assumptions, so deserves it. And I just don’t find it to be true nor do I find what I do that horrible.... I know lots of people that date this way. My parents actually we’re not serious until they were. They start out as friends and it moves to something more serious. I don’t know if that will happen or not but I am having fun with this person and enjoying my life and actually they’re doing the exact same thing.  Appreciate opinions though but I think thread can be closed. 

 

 

26 minutes ago, Interstellar said:

What made you decide that he’s just a friend?  he kissed you too soon? or because he likes you more? just curious

I think I have always felt he is a friend, but kind of attractive, but the kissing just sort of happened in the moment. I wasn’t exactly planning it. And it’s not that I am not attracted to him at all, obviously or I wouldn’t kissed him. I did freak out a bit after, but that’s a different story. And I don’t want to date just him because I don’t think he is 100% “ the one”, because not sparks anymore.  It’s just not completely there for me mentally or physically. Hard to explain why. But I am a horrible person. 

Edited January 17, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

Either be direct and let him know you only view him as a friend.

Or.... suggest all sorts of romcoms and tearjerkers so he goes away by himself.🎥🎭😭

[Miss Spider]

Please close thread,  sorry; ty