He is avoiding me completely. Is it over already or should I reach out for a closure?

[Betty328]

We (M/23 and F/29) have been talking for less than 4 months (long distance relationship and not a really committed relationship yet) and we both liked each other a lot until few weeks ago he has been acting strangely (very distant and cold).

I was trying to reach out for him and kind of wanting him to commit to our relationship more but he keeps pulling back even further. In the end, after I kind of pushed him a little bit few days ago he finally told me that he has been annoyed by little things for the past few weeks, that he likes me a lot but not as much as I like him and he needs few days time to think and let me know if he can come up with a solution that might help.

However, he hasn’t reached out to me at all or talks very distantly if we happened to be around with a group of online friends by chances. Otherwise so far we barely talk to each other privately (not if I initiate the conversation first and I think he is talking to someone else atm, not sure if serious or not though) and when I asked to have a talk he said that he is quite busy and doesn’t have time at all.

What is he actually thinking and why is he avoiding me this much? Why doesn’t he just end things and not letting me worried about this until now without any clues of what is going on?

Does anyone have any ideas of situations like this and tell me what I should do at this point?

[Wiseman2]

Have you met in person or is this a gaming community?

He may be too immature for you in general, but what is it you want him to commit to, exactly?

[Betty328]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person or is this a gaming community?

He may be too immature for you in general, but what is it you want him to commit to, exactly?

We haven’t met since we live in different countries and we met online due to the pandemic issue where everyone spends time mostly online (it’s an online social/gaming community). We planned to meet when the Covid situation is better since we cannot leave our countries at the moment.

I think I was ok until he was acting distantly then I was worried and wanted something like proof that he is also committing to the relationship since I am bad at dealing with insecurities. He is young but he is quite considerate and more mature than his age (he is also quite introvert and is not very comfortable with socializing. He can handle it if he has to but not voluntarily)

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Betty328 said:

We haven’t met

I was worried and wanted something like proof that he is also committing to the relationship since I am bad at dealing with insecurities.

Have you communicated via videochat off the gaming site? Commitment with someone you never met doesn't seem viable.

Don't tie yourself down to a videogame buddy in a distant country.

You need to date locally and seek out men in your age group in real life.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Betty328 said:

few days ago he finally told me that he has been annoyed by little things for the past few weeks, that he likes me a lot but not as much as I like him

This is why he isn't calling.  You have pressed him to commit to a relationship and he doesn't feel that way about you.   He is giving you the slow fade away.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

Part of the problem is that you are looking at this man with rose colored glasses. You only know a few things about him, and your mind has filled in the blanks with a fantasy. Take him off that pedestal. 

[Ruby Slippers]

You haven't even met, and he's not into you. I think he's not ending it because nothing ever really started, given that you haven't even met. I suggest you stop contacting him completely and seek out a romantic connection locally.

[Gaeta]

He's done with the relationship. He is not ending it officially with you because he's weak so he prefers to ignore you untill you get the point. 

[ExpatInItaly]

If you haven't met and he's in a different country - what exactly do you want him to commit to? 

I think you need to be more realistic with yourself, OP. This isn't dating. You found someone you enjoy talking to you, yes, but that's all this really is. It would be best not to try to build virtual relationships and ask for commitment when you've never spent any time together in person. 

[poppyfields]

On 12/17/2020 at 6:08 AM, Betty328 said:

I was trying to reach out for him and kind of wanting him to commit to our relationship more ..

I'm super confused Betty, hope you can help me out.

First off, how do two people chatting on line and who have never met have a "relationship"?   It's a serious question.  I'm not saying you can't develop feelings, I'm just confused about the relationship part.  

Interacting, yes.  Relationship, no.  I just can't see how that's possible since you've never met and not spending real time together, real life. 

Second, since this wasn't a relationship, what is it you want him to commit more to?  Chatting on line more?  Interacting more? 

I really hope you will answer, because again, the whole idea of it is super confusing to me.

In any event, sounds like he's done interacting with you.  Might have found a local girl to have a relationship with, I'm sorry. 

 

Edited December 18, 2020 by poppyfields

[ShyViolet]

First of all, you need to come back to reality.  This is not a real relationship.  This is an online friend who lives in another country, who you have never met in person.

He's made it very clear that he's not interested in continuing this online "relationship".  He's been pulling away and acting more distant.  Why would you want to chase someone who is not interested in you anymore?  Just take the hint, and leave him alone.  You will not get closure.  Closure is something that you give YOURSELF by realizing when something is over, and moving on with your life.