Why can't they let go?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, VD01 said:

Sad thing is last time he started to tease me. 

And this is why blocking him from all your social media and messaging apps would help you tremendously.

You would be able to move forward and put this behind you.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

7 hours ago, VD01 said:

This year, his wife became extremely busy because of covid (his wife is a doctor) for almost this entire year, she wasn’t at home while he has to stay and work at home. 

To me, this introduces a whole new level of yuck to this guy. His wife is braving this awful disease to save lives and working herself to oblivion while doing so...and her husband's response is to cheat on her because he feels neglected?! 🤢🤢🤢 

Seriously, this guy is a horrible human.

[BaileyB]

15 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

To me, this introduces a whole new level of yuck to this guy. His wife is braving this awful disease to save lives and working herself to oblivion while doing so...and her husband's response is to cheat on her because he feels neglected?! 🤢🤢🤢 

Seriously, this guy is a horrible human.

Truly horrible human. There is no excuse fo his behavior, he will get no sympathy for being “neglected” from me. 

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, VD01 said:

So I guess, I am not enough to fill this void.

That’s not your responsibility, and in no way a reflection of your worth.

Another man would realize that marriage have their stresses, their ups and downs. He would deal with that without turning to others. He would support his wife doing this difficult time, instead of revisiting and old affair partner.

He can not affect you if you do not engage with him. You gain strength here by going, and staying, no contact. Good luck.

Edited December 19, 2020 by BaileyB

[HadMeOverABarrel]

I found this article online and thought it might be helpful to you:

The Idealize Devalue Discard Cycle

We will not focus massively on this, since this is no longer grooming but outright abuse as the psychopath has now got bored and wants to drop the person and move onto someone else. It is merely to emphasize that all the charming, grooming and playing the perfect match is synthetic and merely designed to set you up for the devalue and discard stages down the line.

In these latter stages, the psychopath starts to pull back this sense of bliss and perfection they had created in the target, slowly withdrawing and becoming more icy and distant, but feeding them with just enough of their charm act to keep them hooked and interested.

The psychopath is using intermittent and unpredictable rewards to get the person hooked on them and chip away at their self esteem. As the victim continues to push back into the psychopath emotionally to rekindle the feeling they had, the psychopath continues to withdraw and now has the victim under their control, as they continue feeding them sporadic psychological “breadcrumbs” of warmth and kindness, but with lessening and unpredictable frequency.

This tactic often has the effect of eroding the identity and self esteem of the target, since their self image now becomes tied to whether they get the psychopath’s approval or not. They start to think there must be something wrong with them, otherwise the psychopath wouldn’t have gone so cold and distant, but really the psychopath had planned this all along and is treating it like a game.

Eventually, the psychopath gets bored and drops the target cold, moving onto someone else and often flaunting this new person in the old person’s face to rub it in. The psychopath viewed the entire process with a cool, amused detachment and leaves their victim with a whole load of emotional wounds, since they thought they had a real relationship with this person.

In general terms this is a how a psychopath uses manipulation to groom their victims, bombarding them with initial charm, getting them hooked on their approval and then slowly withdrawing and discarding them and starting the cycle over with someone else.

[VD01]

Thank you.

It is my day off today and got a lot of free time and my hand is itching to contact him again. I decided to download an online game and hopefully I will be able to forget him for a while. Maybe I should start by fixing my sleeping pattern, since I got too used into sleeping really late because of him - we often talk in the middle of the night and I had to wait for him till 2am to call me.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

3 hours ago, VD01 said:

Thank you.

It is my day off today and got a lot of free time and my hand is itching to contact him again. I decided to download an online game and hopefully I will be able to forget him for a while. Maybe I should start by fixing my sleeping pattern, since I got too used into sleeping really late because of him - we often talk in the middle of the night and I had to wait for him till 2am to call me.

Yes that's a good start. Good sleep is so important for overall health. Consider also making a list of other beneficial changes you can incorporate over the next days and weeks. You'll find that focusing on making these changes will boost you enough to keep away from him until the addiction of wanting to contact him wears off. Just keep redirecting your focus to yourself every time you feel tempted to contact him. 

[Findingfreedom]

He is using you and he keeps you as a backup... is that why you want? To be the back up? If so then stay and wait while he romances a new woman but if not then ghost him now!