Is it safe to assume my ex has zero interest in me at this point?

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, notbroken said:

Because she hasn't responded, you now subconsciously want her back even more.  

That's not it though.  When asked earlier in the thread if he wants her back, he admitted he didn't know.

He doesn't know what he wants, so he's just messin with her.  Probably wants to see if she still wants him even though he's not sure if he wants her.  

Even though you miss her OP, your motives are ego driven.  

You dumped her.  Broke her heart.  IF a small part of you thinks you might want her back, think about why you dumped her in the first place.  

At best you're conflicted, at worst you're being selfish.  

Figure yourself out and please stop messing with women's emotions like this. 

Edited December 18, 2020 by poppyfields

[Fletch Lives]

Your intuition is right - she does not initiate any of the texts so she's not interested.

[poppyfields]

13 hours ago, Rd1977 said:

There are days I want her back and then there are days I know it’s best we don’t get back together.  

^^^ Leave her be.  

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Rd1977 said:

There are days I want her back and then there are days I know it’s best we don’t get back together.  

Leave her alone.  Since you know it's a bad idea to get back together, you need to stop pestering her.  Right now she's just annoyed by you.  Why on earth would you think that a year after the fact she would reach out to wish you -- the guy who broke her heart by dumping her -- a Happy Birthday?  

[Lotsgoingon]

You are confused and don't even know what you want. Rarely is that a plan for success.

Sounds to me like you don't necessarily want her back, but you want her to say "I forgive you" and "I think you're a great person."

Dude, we have the right to break up with people. I don't know what you mean that you "blindsided" her but most breakups come with a shock. That's the nature of breakups. One person is often shocked and stunned by the other's desire to end the relationship. There's no malpractice there.  There really is no way to soften a breakup. You can't prepare someone, just like you can't "prepare" someone or soften the block of an upcoming gun shot. But that's fine. People recover. They live their lives.

You gotta do some internal work to be comfortable with yourself. Instead of going on and living your life, your mind is circling back to the desire for approval from someone who can't give that to you. She may well think you're an OK person. That's the point of her responding to your tests. She's saying I don't totally hate you. But she's not saying anything more. Saying "good night" -= "goodbye, I wanna get off the phone. I don't wanna talk." It's a polite way of maintaining distance.

Quit checking her social media and quick liking her posts. That's a waste of time.  Why aren't you going forward with your life? If you were fully engaged in your life, your mind wouldn't circle back in this foolish way it is.

 

 

[Rd1977]

I just want everyone to know I have left her alone, the last time I texted her was a month and a half ago.  I guess it’s just been a rough year with the pandemic and all, so my mind goes back to a happier simpler time.  

[d0nnivain]

Glad you are leaving her alone.  Your nostalgia is not a good reason to keep in touch.  Even though you don't mean to, you hurt her when you reach out.   

[Rd1977]

16 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You are confused and don't even know what you want. Rarely is that a plan for success.

Sounds to me like you don't necessarily want her back, but you want her to say "I forgive you" and "I think you're a great person."

Dude, we have the right to break up with people. I don't know what you mean that you "blindsided" her but most breakups come with a shock. That's the nature of breakups. One person is often shocked and stunned by the other's desire to end the relationship. There's no malpractice there.  There really is no way to soften a breakup. You can't prepare someone, just like you can't "prepare" someone or soften the block of an upcoming gun shot. But that's fine. People recover. They live their lives.

You gotta do some internal work to be comfortable with yourself. Instead of going on and living your life, your mind is circling back to the desire for approval from someone who can't give that to you. She may well think you're an OK person. That's the point of her responding to your tests. She's saying I don't totally hate you. But she's not saying anything more. Saying "good night" -= "goodbye, I wanna get off the phone. I don't wanna talk." It's a polite way of maintaining distance.

Quit checking her social media and quick liking her posts. That's a waste of time.  Why aren't you going forward with your life? If you were fully engaged in your life, your mind wouldn't circle back in this foolish way it is.

 

 

I said good night first, so I was really the one ending the conversation, not her.

 

 

[kismetkismet]

She's not responding because she has no reason to talk to you... you broke up with her. 

She's responding to small talk because she's over it and isn't that mad about it anymore, but she doesn't want to talk about anything emotional with you because she's moved on. You're not even sure you want her back, you just want her attention to keep your options open - leave the girl alone, that ship has sailed.

[HiCrunchy]

As the dumper, I think you should only be bothering her if you have sure intentions that you would like to get back with her. If you have those intentions, make it known.

If not, please just let her live her life. And you, in-turn, live your life. No more texting her.

Edited December 18, 2020 by HiCrunchy

[Rd1977]

19 hours ago, Gaeta said:

She is not interested at all. 

You really need to move on. You've lost a full year hoping on a woman that has moved on. You've delayed mourning this relationship, you should have done that months ago and be dating somene new by now. 

I have dated since the breakup but it just hasn’t worked out.  Plus the pandemic does make it a bit more difficult to date right now especially since I have children and am trying to be very careful.  

[Caauug]

On 12/18/2020 at 7:03 AM, Rd1977 said:

we are still friends on social media, and up until that point I was liking most of her posts, she maybe liked one or two of mine,

At best you are in the Friend Zone, you give her validation on SM. She will keep you in the FZ as you may be of some use to her in the future, not likely relationship use.... If you don't mind being used, keep doing what you are doing, less the texts as they are not to your advantage. 

If you ever did convince her back into your life, she would not be the same as before the break up, you would have done damage.

You broke up with her for a reason, you need to remember that. 

[Hpchic]

OP, after you broke up with her did she ever reach out you?  Most people when they’re hurt or blindsided tend to beg the person who broke up with them to get back in the first few weeks.  Did this happen?  I ask this because maybe she wasn’t as blindsided and hurt as you may think.

 

as another poster said if she even did get back with you, she wouldn’t be the same person with you.  The trust would be gone, the damage has been done.  Most people who get back together either do so within the first few weeks of a breakup or years later.  Years later is better since it allows both parties to grow and make positive changes.

[lee179108]

On 12/18/2020 at 12:42 AM, Rd1977 said:

I just felt like I wasn’t getting any encouragement from her when I did reach out. I mean the last time I texted her, she responded the next day, she never did that before.  Even so, I initiated the conversation, kept it going, she was just responding but not really asking me anything and the when I ended the conversation and said I missed her, her response was “good night”.  I’ve apologized twice, I don’t know what else I could’ve done.  I guess I could’ve called but she seemed like she barely wanted to speak to me thru text let alone over the phone, plus I guess I was nervous about calling.

Why should you get encouragement?  you hurt her and broke up with her...  you have no idea how hurt and sad that could have made her feel inside...  for you to turn her world around like that..  maybe she thought about the whole thing and thought for you to go through with a breakup you would have thought about it for some time before actually going through with it. Maybe she thought shes better off with someone who wouldnt break up with her like you did for whatever reason....why should somone take a person back after they were willing to wipe them out...  if you genuinely wanted her back and was deeply sorry about the breakup then you would have put a lot of effort into it and proved it.