ironpony Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 I live with my parents and I love them very much but one thing that has been getting on my nervs lately is this, which I talked about in another thread: So my mom is really concerned about it and is asking me all these questions now because of the medical problem she found out I was being treated for in the maile, the erectile problem. She keep asking and asking about it and it's getting on my nerves. I got mad at her for it but that didn't help, and she just plays the caring Mother card but then asks me more questions about it again, and the types of treament I am getting for it. I am so mad, I feel like maybe I should scare her into backing off. Like I maybe I could intiminate her into backing off somehow? Intimate her so bad that she would be scared to even bring it up again? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 18, 2020 Author Share Posted December 18, 2020 Well I got so mad at her and completely unloaded her on for it, and she got really upset. I felt bad for making her upset, but I guess she won't be asking me any questionsa about it for quite a while maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Well done for making your elderly mother scared of you... She is actually giving you a roof over your head. SMH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Having someone subsidize your life comes with strings. The fact that you feel it's ok to "intimidate" your mother makes me kind of queasy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 What in the world?! While I don't agree with people opening other people's mail...it seems like there are way better, and less disturbing ways to approach this than to purposely scare your mom. Like do you have PO Boxes there? Get one of those. Or better yet, get your own apartment. Trying to intimidate and scare your mom is disturbing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 Get your own box at a UPS store or a PO box. They're pretty cheap, and you'll be the only person with a key. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 3 hours ago, Veronica73 said: Or better yet, get your own apartment. I'd like to second this suggestion. If you are not sure about purchasing a home right now, sign a month-to-month lease on a small studio apartment. Then if you find a home that you like, 30 days notice and your out of the apartment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) Yeah I don't want to intimidate her of course, I was just really frusterated. Edited December 19, 2020 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 It may be a better idea to get a Post Office box, than telling your parents off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 Oh okay thanks. I already got the post office box, they were just constantly asking about mail I got before, I got the post office box. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 I'm actually with @ironpony on this one, it's highly inappropriate for a person to open another person's mail, and any mother should know better than to be asking their adult child about sensitive issues like this. Loads of people in the new post-pandemic world poverty are going to be living with extended family for the forseeable future, boundaries are important! There are better ways of setting boundaries than intimidation, but it never fails to surprise me those people who keep pushing and pushing then are shocked and upset when someone finally reacts with anger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 My mother has always been "intrusive". I have always been able to manage it without being disrespectful or intimidating, even when I was still in college and lived at home during summer and holiday breaks. After repeatedly being told "I'm sorry, I'm not going to discuss this with you" she will eventually give up. If she doesn't, then again - the answer is to move out of her home and stop accepting any financial support (including housing and food) from her. Even though it's not "right", she likely feels that support buys her more rights then she would normally have with a grown child. Right or wrong, support usually comes with strings. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 21 minutes ago, FMW said: Even though it's not "right", she likely feels that support buys her more rights then she would normally have with a grown child. We have been here before. Ironpony's parents are scared he will be scammed out of the money he has saved for his film by unscrupulous people. Ironpony is autistic and has always lived at home. His parents are I guess acting out of concern rather than nosiness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Ellener said: I'm actually with @ironpony on this one, it's highly inappropriate for a person to open another person's mail, and any mother should know better than to be asking their adult child about sensitive issues like this. Loads of people in the new post-pandemic world poverty are going to be living with extended family for the forseeable future, boundaries are important! There are better ways of setting boundaries than intimidation, but it never fails to surprise me those people who keep pushing and pushing then are shocked and upset when someone finally reacts with anger. I agree. Even if they’re living with you, that is wrong. They are an adult and you don’t go through an adult’s business, even if they’re your son. It’s called boundaries and just because some cohabitates with you doesn’t mean it’s ok to walk all over them. Edited December 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 27 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Ironpony is autistic and has always lived at home. His parents are I guess acting out of concern rather than nosiness. So does ironpony have "legal capacity" or are his parents his guardians?? Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) Pretty sure he pays them rent and they tell him not to live on his own. He’s also self-sufficient, at least to the extent that he has worked and saved up a substantial amount of money Edited December 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 7 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: ... and they tell him not to live on his own. He’s also self-sufficient... If we are under the impression that he can leave his parents' home, then he should. If "ironpony" has the capacity to sign a contract, then he should find a small month-to-month apartment and at least try to live on his own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 Well I guess a part of me wonders why my Mom is so interested in my sexual arousal issue treatment. I mean if it were the other way around, and I opened up my Mom's mail and found out she was being treated for a sexual arousal problem, I would think it was none of my business and I wouldn't want to know anything more about it. I wouldn't keep inquiring and inquiring until she got frustrated to the point of snapping. So is that normal of me not to want to poke my nose into something like that involving my Mom? Shouldn't my Mom normally not want to do the same with me either? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 @ironpony There is a very simple fix to this problem... move out. You stated you are 36 years old, maybe its time to give a try. A month-to-month lease would be a good "training exercise" to see how you like living on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) Oh okay, it's just that I don't want to spend a lot of money on rent now and would like to buy a house, but I need a better job before I can buy a house first. My parents said I woud save more if I didn't pay rent and went to buying a house if that's true. Another thing is, since I was planning on making a feature film once covid lessened, I am not sure if the bank would be okay with me using a lot of money for that, if I was buying a house as well. But I can check on that. Edited December 19, 2020 by ironpony Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: If we are under the impression that he can leave his parents' home, then he should. If "ironpony" has the capacity to sign a contract, then he should find a small month-to-month apartment and at least try to live on his own. Agree. Edited December 19, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 Well I don't want to live in the apartment for too long because I am trying to save more now though. So if I do, should I be ready to buy a house right away then, after the apartment? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, ironpony said: ...but I need a better job before I can buy a house first. You can't get a better job unless you have a better skill set that commands more money. Since you don't seem to want to pick a trade or career and train for that vocation, your salary will always be limited. Unless you can pay "cash" for a smaller home, purchasing a home may not be in your future (based on your income). 10 minutes ago, ironpony said: Another thing is, since I was planning on making a feature film once covid lessened... Necessities in life... Food, shelter, clothing. I think you should secure your own shelter, before you think about making a film. Edited December 19, 2020 by Happy Lemming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted December 19, 2020 Author Share Posted December 19, 2020 Oh okay. Well I don't have enough to pay for a house in cash, so I could try going to college for something I guess first, but that will take quite a while so I will stil be living at home then for now I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 3 minutes ago, ironpony said: Well I don't want to live in the apartment for too long because I am trying to save more now though. So if I do, should I be ready to buy a house right away then, after the apartment? I would try a small month-to-month apartment. You may find you don't like living alone or some artifact of living alone may disagree with you. In a month-to-month lease, you give 30 days notice and leave --- go back home. I wouldn't purchase a home until you know how you feel living away from your parents. This will be a HUGE change for you, best to try it out (spending as little as possible) and not signing a long term contract. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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