BaileyB Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 13 minutes ago, LadyThor said: I feel like he's fully mine now. He's moved out, he's barely speaking to his wife. He wants to speak to me all day and night and misses me when we're not together. Well then, you got what you wanted. Good luck. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 4 hours ago, LadyThor said: I feel like he's fully mine now. He's moved out, he's barely speaking to his wife. He wants to speak to me all day and night and misses me when we're not together. So why are you here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 5 hours ago, LadyThor said: No that's my point - she would ask him to spend time with her but he would just leave her behind so that he could see me. He'd leave the house to get stuff for breakfast and he'd take the time to call me. Sometimes his errand of 15 minutes would take him an hour because he wanted to speak to me. It's sweet really. I disagree. He's sneaking out, telling his wife he's going out for errands and lying to both of you. Not too sweet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyThor Posted January 12, 2021 Author Share Posted January 12, 2021 2 hours ago, Starswillshine said: So why are you here? My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 19 minutes ago, LadyThor said: My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. You will be asking yourself this question throughout the duration of your relationship. It is best to ask him because no one here knows. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 How old is his wife and how long have they been married? Is she his first wife? Why don't they have kids? Has he got kids with someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 1 hour ago, LadyThor said: My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. He could ask the same of you, after all you've got a history of going after married men. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted January 12, 2021 Share Posted January 12, 2021 Nope, you will never be able to fully trust him, as you know he has absolutely no trouble lying to the person with whom he took vows. And you know he's a cheater, so you SHOULDN'T trust him. Chances are high that he'll eventually cheat on you too. Link to post Share on other sites
Xerad Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Do you actually love him or are you just having a high because you successfully stole him from his wife? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, LadyThor said: My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. Only time will tell... What you know for a fact about this man is that he doesn’t honour his commitments, he is not truthful or trustworthy, and he doesn’t respect relationship boundaries. Will he suddenly become a loyal and honest partner for you? Only time will tell... Edited January 13, 2021 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 1 hour ago, Xerad said: Do you actually love him or are you just having a high because you successfully stole him from his wife? I think she has been woo’d by the gifts and the declarations of love... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 A conflict-avoidant cheater who went back and forth between his wife and you for months, and isn’t making any steps to get divorced...... not sure why on earth you would trust him. I’m actually very happily married to my former MM, so obviously I don’t think they’re all lying losers. But this situation doesn’t sound promising. It sounds like 99.5% of affairs, where the “perfect true love” dissipates after real life sets in. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 On 12/19/2020 at 8:08 PM, LadyThor said: Some background info: My MM2 (36) and I (24) started working together in September of 2019. We're both teachers in the same dept so we worked quite closely. At first we were just colleagues - we'd chat occasionally on text but he's married and I was involved with MM1 at the time. The relationship with the MM1 ended terribly and he assaulted me earlier this year. During lockdown, our school was closed and I found myself texting with MM2 more and more. First of all, I'm going to start by wondering why you're interested in a man who is almost old enough to be your father? He's 36 years old. That's a middle aged man, and you're not even 25. You've only been allowed to legally drink alcohol 4 years ago, meanwhile this guy has been an adult and has been doing adult things for far longer than you've been dating adult things, so what gives? Aren't there any 24-29 year old men around you who are single? There are 150 million men in the USA alone, if you live here, and there's billions of men around the world. You're not restricted to dating the man who live in your street like your grandma was due to lack of options. Don't date someone just because he's there and you see him everyday, not to mention that it's a terrible idea to date people you work with. This guy is nearly 40 years old and he has a woman who is barely out of her early 20s, what do you think he wants from you? How do you think he sees you? You think he's going to take you seriously as a romantic partner when he's in a position of authority and seniority over you due to his advanced age? He wants sex, and nothing more than that. Guy probably loves his wife but he's bored out of his mind with marriage sex, as many, many men are(why do you think the vast majority of men who visit prostitutes, escorts and brothels are married men who are as old as your buddy over there?) On 12/19/2020 at 8:08 PM, LadyThor said: By May, we were meeting occasionally in parks to talk. By June, things were taking a much more intimate turn. During that month, he told his family his marriage was over - but not to tell his BS. At the end of that month, she found an email he sent me and he tried to break things off with her. But the next day he decided not to leave. We continued all summer - we'd go out for drinks and hook up in parks. We never spent the night together. In September, she found our messages. He denied everything and she made him send a message breaking things off. The next day he told me it was her and I said I had figured and we continued on. Two weeks later we met for his birthday and he said he was moving out. I told him I wasn't the one who needed to know that - and when we left the restaurant, she was there. It was D-Day. She handled it well but did tell me he had said awful things about me. He denied ever saying anything like that but she was pretty calm and I think she was telling the truth. He went home that night to pack up some things and move in with a friend. That idea ended terribly and he was back home the next day. For the next two months we would occasionally meet in a hotel. We've never spent the night together - I still live at home and my parents expect me to come back. He lived with her until the end of November when he finally moved out. He never really said he was moving out for me - and I'm not even sure he really wanted to move out. But she was so upset all the time and he couldn't take it anymore. Since he's moved out we've spent some time together. It's really lovely being with him - he tells me all the time how wonderful I am and how much he loves me. My problem is I'm not sure if I can trust him. He told his family three times he had moved out - and he hadn't. The first weekend I went to his place, I went into his new room and found a blonde hair. I absolutely freaked out and went home. I blocked him on my phone but he was able to send a couple of emails explaining that it was probably his new roommate's (he's sharing a house with two women). I went back the next day and we spent the whole day together. He blocked his wife's phone number as well because someone kept calling. He has made no mention of divorce (aside from on D-Day). We often say to each other that this will need to end as there's no future because my parents wouldn't accept such an age difference. I'm not sure either of us wants it to end, though. Can I trust him? If he can lie to his family and his BS - do you think he's lying to me? He's so charming but he hates conflict. He says he's over her but I'm pretty sure he's still speaking to her regularly and spending time with her. They don't have kids so if he didn't want to, there's no reason to speak to her. Do you think there's any risk he'll go back to her? The guy hasn't made any mention of divorce because he has no intention of getting a divorce. Do you have any idea of how expensive a divorce is? All the legal torture and grind, all the suffering both him and his wife would be put through, not to mention the living hell his kids would have to endure if he has any kids? I dated a divorce lawyer and man, it takes a special kind of masochist to willingly go through all of those seven circles of hell to acquire a divorce, but you honestly believe this guy is going to demolish himself and his marriage for someone who is nearly 20 years younger than him, someone who has so much less life experience than him, and above that over someone he has known for little more than 1 year? Besides the fact that the guy doesn't want to lose half of his assets, maybe more, and he doesn't want to lose the house he worked himself to the bone to buy. Houses these days require being a British king to be affordable, and what do you think he's going to do? Sell the house, get half, then rent a house or buy a house and move in with you? He's lied to you. Told you he has moved out when he's actually still living with the wife(and if she'll have him, most certainly sleeping with her). It's not that he hates conflict. If Kendall Jenner herself wanted to marry this guy and was willing to not have the guy sign a pre-nup, you could bet whatever you want to bet that he'd divorce his wife and leave the family home in less time than it takes a doctor to check your knee reflexes. This guy doesn't want you. He wants to have sex with a young woman, which you are. His charm is superficial. He might seem ever-so-charming but that's because when compared to the 24 year old men you've met in your life he has had so much more time to refine his lies and the perfumed garbage he tells young women to bed them, I mean, the guy's old. Do you expect a 24 year old man to be able to lie as good as this middle-aged fella? Move on with your life. This man will never leave his wife for you. He likes what he has. Someone supportive and loving at home, someone who provides the sweet bliss of domestic happiness, and someone young and fit, physically attractive, but with zero dating experience, which makes it so easy for him to lead you on and to keep on feeding you the lies you want to hear because he has a nice smile behind those pretty words he throws at you to make sure you keep having sex with you. Now, don't get any ideas and get pregnant to try to keep the guy attached to you, and remember. The dude might be easy on the eyes, but 10 years from now you'll still be attractive and he'll most likely will be bald, creased with wrinkles, and out of shape, and then what? Is it worth to help a man cheat on his wife for that? Don't tie yourself with someone who will make you regret the decisions you are going to make today about your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 oh, and if this guy cheats on his wife with you, you can be 100% sure he'll cheat on you when you turn 36 and he starts staring at the 18-25 who just became a part of his workforce. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Gently, you are only 24 and this is your 2nd affair with a MM. What you need to decide is *IF* he is 100% yours, will YOU even want him? Affairs are thrilling and an emotional Rollercoaster. And many times the men HAVE to woo the AP to get her to stay with him despite the fact he is a cheater, married, priority is to someone else. Will you still want him once the competition is over? Once you won? Will you still want him after he stops sending flowers? Etc. Note, at a young age, when someone is just starting out, money spent on flowers might seem a lot. But if someone has been in a career for awhile and has made a decent living, spending a couple of hundred on a gift is oftentimes not really thought much about. So I would never put much thought into the money spent on something as a sign someone cares or not. Do you want kids? What sort of relationship do you want? All these things are you need to consider. Trust will be really hard to come by in this relationship. And it may be from both of you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 Lady, if this your second affair with a married man, and I'm guessing that the other guy was also much older than you: I'm going to go ahead and assume you have daddy issues. You need to work with a personal therapist to figure out why is it that you keep on hurting yourself by choosing to help married men cheat on their wives, when there are so many dudes out there who are single or actually divorced for you to meet. You are 24 years old. You have no idea how incredibly young you are. Why do you want to waste something that is so temporary, and vanishes so fast(youth) on a bunch of middle-aged men who want to get their rocks off with some young little thing that doesn't know any better? Go meet men your own age. 24-29. You want kids? Then you want to have them with a guy who won't be nearly 60 years 20 years from now, you do want your kids to grow up with a father, yes? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 5 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Gently, you are only 24 and this is your 2nd affair with a MM. Gently, you are only 24 and this is your 2nd affair. Your experience with a healthy relationship is limited, you have no idea what is REALLY important in a relationship/partner, and you have no experience as it relates to what it will take for this relationship to go the distance... Trust us when we say, the novelty and excitement wears off... The flowers don’t come as regularly, or even at all. The gifts disappear. The sex gets boring. And you find yourself in the position that his current wife finds herself now... In a relationship, with a man who you ask yourself if you even like some days. As they say, it takes work to maintain a relationship... and it’s going to take a lot of work when you jump into a relationship with a man you don’t really know, where trust is a huge issue, and you have so many other challenges. You are worried about the possibility that he will do to you what you have both done to his wife... The idea that he could cheat on you is only one of the potential challenges to this relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 The possiblity? A man who cheats on his wife with a woman young enough to be almost his daughter is certainly 100% going to cheat on her or dump her when she turns 30. For crying out loud, look at Boris Johnson, the man represents the govt. of the United Kingdom and despite all of that he still went ahead and dumped his wife who was already 20+ years younger than him for a 22 year old, but you honestly believe this married man you're cheating on his wife with won't do the same to you when you reach the age of 30 and new 18-24 year olds join his workplace? yeah, lady I know this guy makes you feel special, but have you ever heard of a con-man who doesn't make their targets feel good about themselves? Link to post Share on other sites
Beca L Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 19 hours ago, LadyThor said: My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. I don't think you can trust him, do you ? 4 years ago my exMM left his wife for me. I was single and had 3 kids. His kids had all left home. We had a relationship for a year, I thought we were in love and happy. He didn't move in but lived 4 days a week at my house. His boys disowned him and XW did not stop communicating with him, constant text messages, letters, emails etc. A year later he walked out of my house and back in with her. They had sold their family home and started divorce proceedings etc. It came out of the blue for me, he'd obviously been planning it for at least a month or more and talking to XW behind my back. These men are selfish and deceitful, you may be one of the lucky ones but who really knows. I would make sure he has the divorce papers and his own place before you start celebrating. In regards to the infatuation question, I often think the same about my situation. If it had really been love then he wouldn't have gone back, I think he just had a thing about me. So possibly it could be the same with you, who knows. Tread carefully and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 This guy is a proven liar and cheat. Why do you accept that? Why do you go after attached men? You are inviting trouble into your life and now seem surprised when it turns up. Date unattached guys. Way brighter future there. If you do somehow end up with this guy, could you ever really trust him? I sure wouldn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Xerad Posted January 13, 2021 Share Posted January 13, 2021 (edited) On 12/19/2020 at 2:08 PM, LadyThor said: Do you think there's any risk he'll go back to her? Yes, of course there's a risk. He's married to her. That's the least of your troubles. You've been through two MM at age 24. Do your parents know Mr. Wonderful is married and you broke up their marriage? Do you think you're going to want him in four years when he's 40 and you're still in your twenties? The worst thing that I don't think you'll appreciate is you are going to have some trouble getting quality boyfriends after this. If you meet the man of your dreams and he's single, your value on the single's market, with your history of chasing MM, is low. You are hurting yourself. You can do better. Edited January 13, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed inappropriate remark. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 19 hours ago, Xerad said: you broke up their marriage? Correction - *he* broke up their marriage. Without his willing participation, even the most attractive 24 year old in the world would have stood no chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted January 14, 2021 Share Posted January 14, 2021 On 1/12/2021 at 8:01 PM, LadyThor said: My original question was can I trust him? Yeah, I've got him, but will he do the same to me? Is he really thinking clearly or is he just infatuated with me right now. Time will tell but the picture you paint doesn’t sound like the start of “forever”, IMV. As for trust, that’s developed over time in a R by him proving to you (and you to him) that you can trust him. It doesn’t sound like he’s done that, if you’re asking these questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 On 12/20/2020 at 12:25 AM, LynneVicious said: What is the outcome you’re looking for? If it’s a relationship to have a future with, you’re absolutely not going to find it with married men. No. Nope. You could save a lot of heartache by going on the OW/OM board and just start reading. It’s not a coincidence that 99% of other women’s parting gift is a broken heart. Seriously, go read. So true -please see the red flags for what they are -I know it’s very easy to ignore them but this is true irrespective of what you’re hoping for what you’ll likely get is heartache Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted February 1, 2021 Share Posted February 1, 2021 On 1/13/2021 at 3:11 PM, Beca L said: I don't think you can trust him, do you ? 4 years ago my exMM left his wife for me. I was single and had 3 kids. His kids had all left home. We had a relationship for a year, I thought we were in love and happy. He didn't move in but lived 4 days a week at my house. His boys disowned him and XW did not stop communicating with him, constant text messages, letters, emails etc. A year later he walked out of my house and back in with her. They had sold their family home and started divorce proceedings etc. It came out of the blue for me, he'd obviously been planning it for at least a month or more and talking to XW behind my back. These men are selfish and deceitful, you may be one of the lucky ones but who really knows. I would make sure he has the divorce papers and his own place before you start celebrating. In regards to the infatuation question, I often think the same about my situation. If it had really been love then he wouldn't have gone back, I think he just had a thing about me. So possibly it could be the same with you, who knows. Tread carefully and good luck I’m so sorry this happened, I’ve had a similar experience I hope you’re doing ok 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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