Still fighting

[Narie]

It's almost half a year since I found out about my husband's cheating. Up until now he still denies it and still making it look like I am paranoid and that it is my fault for not trusting him.

However, thigs are starting to get cleared lately..this cheating is not just recently, it's been here since the start of the year...He wasn't just too into her at that time.

Christmas will be coming soon and I  still here, still crying, still wondering why, what happened, how...since when. But slowly I am also starting to remember how many times I cried because of him. He wasn't there when I needed him.  And yet, why do I still love him?

I went crazy and did things out of desperation.  In the end it was me who lost. I lost. I lost him.

Some days I am fine. Some days like today, here I am crying. I want to be happy again. I hope next year will be kind to me. I want to be happy again. I want to be free from this pain. I am still hopeful. I am still trying to fight for my child...but I  hope nothing more comes after this... because more than this...and I might really give up.

[Gaeta]

I am sorry you are going through this emotional distress. You have 3 paths in front of you

1. Forgive and forget

2. Leave

3. Take action to discover the secrets he keeps on his phone

Doing nothing, like you're doing right now, will only bring you more of the same emotional distress you're currently drowning in. 

[d0nnivain]

You fight for your child by walking away from an untenable situation that makes you cry.   Unless your husband stops cheating, treats you kindly & respectfully & goes to MC with you, there is no hope so get divorced already.  You will be happier when you remove the source of your pain. 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/19/2020 at 3:09 PM, Narie said:

. I want to be happy again. I want to be free from this pain. 

I am still trying to fight for my child...

Have you privately and confidentiality spoken to a therapist and attorney to understand your options and pain?

The only way to be free of the pain, is to be free of the cause of it 

Being with a checked out, gaslighting philander is going to continue to deepen your pain until you get the professional advice and support you need.

[Narie]

12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you privately and confidentiality spoken to a therapist and attorney to understand your options and pain?

The only way to be free of the pain, is to be free of the cause of it 

Being with a checked out, gaslighting philander is going to continue to deepen your pain until you get the professional advice and support you need.

Apparently unless I have a strong evidence then I may not get anything except child support. An online infidelity (which he kept insisting on) isn't really considered as a strong reason.

Aside from it being extremely expensive (with the lawyer fees and everything) which I have to pay on my own, the divorce may take more or less than a year.

[d0nnivain]

11 hours ago, Narie said:

Apparently unless I have a strong evidence then I may not get anything except child support. An online infidelity (which he kept insisting on) isn't really considered as a strong reason.

Aside from it being extremely expensive (with the lawyer fees and everything) which I have to pay on my own, the divorce may take more or less than a year.

If you are in the US  evidence of cheating does not get you a financial edge.  The US recognizes no fault divorce which says it doesn't matter why.  Alimony is disfavored, but based on the length of the marriage & need.   The rest is divided through equitable distribution. 

You do seem to have a handle on the cost & the timing. 

[Gaeta]

20 hours ago, Narie said:

Apparently unless I have a strong evidence then I may not get anything except child support.

You get half of what is owed to you whether he cheats or not. When I divorced my ex-husband I went from living in a house to moving in a small apartment with no bed, and no fridge and stove with a 13 year old. Still I felt free ! even if I had nothing underneath my feet. I slowly rebuilt myself and a year later I had a better job and a better place to live.