How listing hobbies/activities can not be a good thing online dating

[QuietRiot]

16 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Way to blow it. If he had played his cards a little differently, perhaps he'd be getting one right now. Ah, well...

Well, in a sense, women tend to test men when they do this, to see if they can remain gentlemanly, regardless. If they keep their remarks to themselves, and just say, "Cool, that's an interesting hobby", then he would have passed the test.

[elaine567]

12 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Well, in a sense, women tend to test men when they do this, to see if they can remain gentlemanly, regardless. If they keep their remarks to themselves, and just say, "Cool, that's an interesting hobby", then he would have passed the test.

It wasn't a test.

[mark clemson]

13 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

If they keep their remarks to themselves, and just say, "Cool, that's an interesting hobby", then he would have passed the test.

 

I'm not sure if it was a test or not, but I tend to agree that playing it cool would have been smarter, at least with most women.

[chillii]

Bit of a joke , there wouldn't be a woman out there doing pole dancing that wasn't well aware of it lighting men up at a mention. lf they didn't like that idea there's plenty of maneuvers and styles they can do in either keeping them closed or facing the other way and in tamer outfits. No ones asking them to spread wide and into every possible combo and then some straight into birds eye view and in the skimpiest outfits they can find.

My ex and her crowd even at yoga were always joking around about some of the positions and men , and that was usually fully clothed in one style or other and nothing compared to pole dancing.

Edited January 2, 2021 by chillii

[basil67]

On 12/22/2020 at 11:12 PM, QuietRiot said:

Of course, if I were a woman that pole danced, I think I would have not said that specific of an exercise as that activity is noted to be sexual in nature...so she kind of walked into that one, maybe?

I just asked my pole-dancing-for-fitness daughter for her opinion.   She said it's a common response because both things happen in a strip club and that the woman should be more used to such comments.   She said that if a guy asks her that, she asks him if he will pay her.

My own view is to wonder if he was a dud date and his comment was her excuse to leave.  

[chillii]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I just asked my pole-dancing-for-fitness daughter for her opinion.   She said it's a common response because both things happen in a strip club and that the woman should be more used to such comments.   She said that if a guy asks her that, she asks him if he will pay her.

My own view is to wonder if he was a dud date and his comment was her excuse to leave.  

l rest my case. She's still just got a clear head at her age and calls it, sees it, how it really is, RL.  Before all the mumbo malarkey sets in. My daughter would say something similar.

But, forgot to mention , yeah l agree a guy still wouldn't go saying that stuff straight up like that well, unless she's fishen. l've had women l've just met tell me they pole dance with a cheeky grin out the corner of their eye, they aren't idiots. But eh , l'm spoken for.

Edited January 2, 2021 by chillii

[QuietRiot]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

I just asked my pole-dancing-for-fitness daughter for her opinion.   She said it's a common response because both things happen in a strip club and that the woman should be more used to such comments.   She said that if a guy asks her that, she asks him if he will pay her.

My own view is to wonder if he was a dud date and his comment was her excuse to leave.  

Right, you don't get offended and walk off, you just make a comeback remark that's all. No biggie.  It's called flirty banter. 😉  Now me, I MAY be wouldn't have said something like that...but I'd probably say something like "Dammit, where are my bills when I need them LOL?"...in a way, even that kind of response would probably see what kind of humor she has about it.

But these days, people can be so easily offend and triggered...you don't know what would set someone off.

If I didn't say anything, I would definitely be thinking about how much of a bonus that would be if things got hot between us. 

Edited January 2, 2021 by QuietRiot

[basil67]

@QuietRiot you seem to have missed that I said it could simply have been an excuse for her to leave because she didn't like him.   She may not have been triggered at all.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions without having seen the whole date.

[lovebooks]

On 12/28/2020 at 4:39 AM, hotpotato said:

She was probably mad bc her hard work was reduced to lap dancing. Pole is not inherently sexual. Even women who dance the exotic genre arent necessarily strippers, and strippers dont necessarily wont to give free lap dances anyway.

I told a guy I pole danced, and I had to essentially educate him on the sport. 

 

Pole dancing is very hard to do.  It involves a lot of strength , balance, and coordination.  It could be an Olympic sport.  That comment about lap dancing shows his ignorance.

[Lorenza]

There is some truth in this. I would get so tired of those "so can you give me a free piano lesson? ;)" or "when will you play for me?" type of messages that they were making me gag. At the end I stopped mentioning that I was a piano teacher at the time or that playing the piano is a hobby of mine altogether. 

[ZA Dater]

I agree with you listing hobbies is pointless as most people seem to take very little interest in them. More interesting is to ask someone their hobbies and see how they respond, hopefully you unlike me get some sort of response.

 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

listing hobbies is pointless as most people seem to take very little interest in them.

The hobbies/interests/activities listing is to try to find some common interests with like minded people and to show the type of person that you are. Bookish/nerdy/outdoorsy/sporty/... or couch potato/movie buff/political animal/.... etc.
A person's interests tells a lot about that person and if a person is showing no interest in your hobbies/activities then they likely see no future with you.  Their attraction level would need to be very high for them to feign interest.
People who are not interested in you will also deny an interest in your hobbies/activities, even if they are a mad keen surfer or chess player or hiker just like you...
Interested people will try to use hobbies etc. to try to build a connection, uninterested people will try to downplay any connection.                                                                                                                                                                            

[ZA Dater]

27 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The hobbies/interests/activities listing is to try to find some common interests with like minded people and to show the type of person that you are. Bookish/nerdy/outdoorsy/sporty/... or couch potato/movie buff/political animal/.... etc.
A person's interests tells a lot about that person and if a person is showing no interest in your hobbies/activities then they likely see no future with you.  Their attraction level would need to be very high for them to feign interest.
People who are not interested in you will also deny an interest in your hobbies/activities, even if they are a mad keen surfer or chess player or hiker just like you...
Interested people will try to use hobbies etc. to try to build a connection, uninterested people will try to downplay any connection.                                                                                                                                                                            

With due respect I do not believe any of the above to be true. Hobbies are completely and totally irrelevant to 95% of people. UNLESS there is perhaps some inherent prestige associated with them. People preach common interest is irrelevant but suddenly common hobbies are relevant, which is it because it cannot be both. Frankly a persons interest tell me nothing about the person and judging them on interest without talking to them is like making your mind up that cake tastes really good without actually eating it.

People feign interest for hundreds of reasons, I have been around for long enough to see it countless times, usually when there is some prestige associated with something. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

 listing hobbies is pointless as most people seem to take very little interest in them. 

🤔 I disagree. It's part of a snapshot of someone and possibly a conversation starter.

An OLD profile is brief, a stranger and not much to go on. So a few bits and pieces about oneself may get the conversation started.

[QuietRiot]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

With due respect I do not believe any of the above to be true. Hobbies are completely and totally irrelevant to 95% of people. UNLESS there is perhaps some inherent prestige associated with them. People preach common interest is irrelevant but suddenly common hobbies are relevant, which is it because it cannot be both. Frankly a persons interest tell me nothing about the person and judging them on interest without talking to them is like making your mind up that cake tastes really good without actually eating it.

People feign interest for hundreds of reasons, I have been around for long enough to see it countless times, usually when there is some prestige associated with something. 

That's a good point, someone will partake in something a couple of times, and list that as a hobby.

But then there are those that are passionate about ONE specific hobby. Usually I find these to be Harley Riders, SCUBA Divers, or some other heavily involved thing. Some will even say they won't date a certain someone unless they share the same passion as that individual. 

I think I may have mentioned a woman on Match that won't date a guy unless he too is a small craft pilot and/or an avid SCUBA diver. She said she divorced a man because he did participate in her hobbies, but lost interest over the years.

Most men cannot keep up with her piloting planes as they havent' the money as it's a very expensive hobby.

[ZA Dater]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

🤔 I disagree. It's part of a snapshot of someone and possibly a conversation starter.

An OLD profile is brief, a stranger and not much to go on. So a few bits and pieces about oneself may get the conversation started.

How many people ever use a hobby as conversation starter on OLD, I have been on OLD for over 10 years and it hardly ever happens. I honestly believe the only thing OLD offers is a snap shot of what the person looks like and perhaps their social life because inevitably their poor friends get put on OLD too.

[QuietRiot]

3 hours ago, EternalClarity said:

There is some truth in this. I would get so tired of those "so can you give me a free piano lesson? ;)" or "when will you play for me?" type of messages that they were making me gag. At the end I stopped mentioning that I was a piano teacher at the time or that playing the piano is a hobby of mine altogether. 

Funny you mention this, I befriended a cute co-worker that mentioned she played the piano. I asked her to play for me some time (like send a video of her doing it). I didn't think she'd actually do it, but she did (we're FB friends) lol. 

[QuietRiot]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

How many people ever use a hobby as conversation starter on OLD, I have been on OLD for over 10 years and it hardly ever happens. I honestly believe the only thing OLD offers is a snap shot of what the person looks like and perhaps their social life because inevitably their poor friends get put on OLD too.

Typically, you'd see someone list some typical, "I enjoy kayaking, hiking, the outdoors, fun with friends, etc" very banal hobbies, but it is kind of true what ZA Dater says, but I tend to seek out profiles that shows pictures of doing those hobbies...and try an ice breaker of asking what kind of hiking shoes they wear or brand of kayak etc.

[QuietRiot]

39 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

The hobbies/interests/activities listing is to try to find some common interests with like minded people and to show the type of person that you are. Bookish/nerdy/outdoorsy/sporty/... or couch potato/movie buff/political animal/.... etc.
A person's interests tells a lot about that person and if a person is showing no interest in your hobbies/activities then they likely see no future with you.  Their attraction level would need to be very high for them to feign interest.
People who are not interested in you will also deny an interest in your hobbies/activities, even if they are a mad keen surfer or chess player or hiker just like you...
Interested people will try to use hobbies etc. to try to build a connection, uninterested people will try to downplay any connection.                                                                                                                                                                            

True here...though a cute woman gamer would probably date a gaming guy, but...if he's a fat, sweaty  nerd,  she won't be attracted regardless. Though I've done board/card games at comic shops...I'd seen my share of 30-something diabetic obese men scarfing down M & Ms while they game. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by QuietRiot

[ZA Dater]

3 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

That's a good point, someone will partake in something a couple of times, and list that as a hobby.

But then there are those that are passionate about ONE specific hobby. Usually I find these to be Harley Riders, SCUBA Divers, or some other heavily involved thing. Some will even say they won't date a certain someone unless they share the same passion as that individual. 

I think I may have mentioned a woman on Match that won't date a guy unless he too is a small craft pilot and/or an avid SCUBA diver. She said she divorced a man because he did participate in her hobbies, but lost interest over the years.

Most men cannot keep up with her piloting planes as they havent' the money as it's a very expensive hobby.

Unfortunately I believe many women will find a man very attractive if he has a prestige hobby whereby they can bask in the limelight. You put the recreational pilot against the stamp collector and I assure you the stamp collector will be second best on every single instance.

I am talking about the 20-34 age range here though...just to clarify.

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

Typically, you'd see someone list some typical, "I enjoy kayaking, hiking, the outdoors, fun with friends, etc" very banal hobbies, but it is kind of true what ZA Dater says, but I tend to seek out profiles that shows pictures of doing those hobbies...and try an ice breaker of asking what kind of hiking shoes they wear or brand of kayak etc.

I try this too but usually quickly ascertain they do not want to talk about the hobby in any great detail. That is the thing I really do think that hobbies can work if they are attractive hobbies in some way but saying you collect stamps wont work too well.  I am immediately uninterested when I read "fun with friends".

[QuietRiot]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

I try this too but usually quickly ascertain they do not want to talk about the hobby in any great detail. That is the thing I really do think that hobbies can work if they are attractive hobbies in some way but saying you collect stamps wont work too well.  I am immediately uninterested when I read "fun with friends".

I was at a singles Meetup. I asked this one rather attractive woman what hobbies she enjoys...and she says she has no hobbies really...she works, goes home, and that's about it. Another was the same story.

I was thinking they really just didn't want to talk to me in general as they were finding a reason to just cut the conversation short by saying they have no hobbies other than to sit and stare at the wall at home. lol

[hotpotato]

4 hours ago, EternalClarity said:

There is some truth in this. I would get so tired of those "so can you give me a free piano lesson? ;)" or "when will you play for me?" type of messages that they were making me gag. At the end I stopped mentioning that I was a piano teacher at the time or that playing the piano is a hobby of mine altogether. 

The cobblers children have no shoes. Sometimes when people do something for a living, they dont want to go home and do it for free. Even if woman in question were a stripper, that doesn't mean she wants to give lap dances away for free.

29 minutes ago, QuietRiot said:

That's a good point, someone will partake in something a couple of times, and list that as a hobby.

But then there are those that are passionate about ONE specific hobby. Usually I find these to be Harley Riders, SCUBA Divers, or some other heavily involved thing. Some will even say they won't date a certain someone unless they share the same passion as that individual. 

I think I may have mentioned a woman on Match that won't date a guy unless he too is a small craft pilot and/or an avid SCUBA diver. She said she divorced a man because he did participate in her hobbies, but lost interest over the years.

Most men cannot keep up with her piloting planes as they havent' the money as it's a very expensive hobby.

There could be many reasons why someone has only participated in something in a few times like money issues and lack of access, for example, someone who loves figure skating but lives in the Deep South. Id personally say that i loved said activites but unfortunately could only dabble in them. 

[Miss Spider]

If you are tired of men asking if they can get a piano lesson from you if you have piano lessons listed as a hobby, you better like a bunch  “Hey”’s and “what’s up”’s if you don’t list any hobbies whatsoever. Low effort messagers aren’t gonna just go away. You’re just giving them even less to work with. 

Edited January 12, 2021 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[QuietRiot]

6 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

If you are tired of men asking if they can get a piano lesson from you if you have piano lessons listed as a hobby, you better like a bunch  “Hey”’s and “what’s up”’s if you don’t list any hobbies whatsoever. Low effort messagers aren’t gonna just go away. You’re just giving them even less to work with. 

Very, VERY good point. I was trying to put into words here as this is "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenarios.  At least "Can ya give me free piano lessons?" is a better ice breaker than "Hey". I'm sure it's told in a flirty or in jest...no need to be turned off by it. If you do, it explains why you're still single.

Edited January 12, 2021 by QuietRiot