Camper Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 Hypothetical question for OWs here (asking for a friend): Your MM affair partner ends the affair and asks you to stop trying to contact him. You don't want to let go. He ignores your repeated subsequent attempts to engage. How long would you keep trying to rope him back in? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby_Red Posted December 21, 2020 Share Posted December 21, 2020 (edited) Former OW here. I wouldn’t do anything. They usually come back without being prompted. You really don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you have to beg someone to “love you”, or like you, or take you back. This is true for every relationship. You can’t make somebody choose you by begging them to stay. Even IF this approach SHOULD work, you’ll always be in a weak position down the road. I know - easier said than done, but if you think long-term, this is the only way. Especially in extramarital situations. Edited December 21, 2020 by Ruby_Red 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Camper Posted December 22, 2020 Author Share Posted December 22, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Ruby_Red said: Former OW here. I wouldn’t do anything. They usually come back without being prompted. You really don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you have to beg someone to “love you”, or like you, or take you back. This is true for every relationship. You can’t make somebody choose you by begging them to stay. Even IF this approach SHOULD work, you’ll always be in a weak position down the road. I know - easier said than done, but if you think long-term, this is the only way. Especially in extramarital situations. So how long must the OW wait for them to come back? A month? A year? How long a ghosting period is enough for an OW to give up? Edited December 22, 2020 by Camper Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby_Red Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 Nobody can possibly give you that answer. Ideally, you “give up” immediately, as soon as the other person signals you that they want to withdraw. It doesn’t matter if your partner is an OW, an MM, your BF, or your fiancé or spouse. If for whatever reason they want out, and they tell you so, then you should take them by their word. Don’t try to convince them otherwise. The more you pull, the more they’ll push away from you. It’s always easier said than done, of course, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to distract yourself, find other things to do, don’t focus on them, focus on you. They’ll find their way back, as soon as they figure out that they miss you. And if it’s one week or one month later, you might welcome them back. If it’s one year later, it might be too late for you. That’s why you need to worry about yourself, not them. You can’t control other people. Focus on what you can control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Camper said: Hypothetical question for OWs here (asking for a friend): Your MM affair partner ends the affair and asks you to stop trying to contact him. You don't want to let go. He ignores your repeated subsequent attempts to engage. How long would you keep trying to rope him back in? I can’t imagine myself ever doing this. He has made his choice and you need to accept that. There are things you control, and other things you do not control. And, this is one of those things that you do not control. Why would you ever want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to be with you? I would respectfully suggest that you keep your dignity and find someone else to date... Lol Ruby, we literally posted at the same time and wrote virtually the same response. I agree, this doesn’t only apply to affair partners. This is just basic respect given the other person when any relationship ends, for whatever reason, whether both people want the relationship to end or not. One can’t force someone to be with you, so you best save your time and energy and move on... Edited December 22, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 Fact is you knew he wasnt single and would ghost you soon or later. Accept it ,learn from it and move on. Married people are using you when they start affair,till their marriage is going good again or their wife found out. And you allow them to use you once you get in a affair. Its over.Move.on.Many singles out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 7 hours ago, Camper said: . How long would you keep trying to rope him back in? Until he/his wife gets a restraining order? Don't be a bunny boiler. Step aside and date available single men Link to post Share on other sites
ABernie Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 He gave you a gift by ending it. It's horrible when they tell you they are ending things with BS and ask for you to hold on and be patient. Mindf*$k Work on getting past this heartbreak. Think about how you would feel about someone you asked to leave you alone, but didn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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