The commitment phobic girlfriend

[poppyfields]

On 12/22/2020 at 1:02 AM, dukoma79 said:

Then the dust settled and we talked it out and made up. Soon after (a couple of days) she brought out the fact that she has commitment issues, she told me she loves me to the end and she thinks that, for her, I'm the perfect boyfriend, but she wouldn't consider marrying me (at least not yet anyway) but she would be ready to date me for the rest of her life.

I tried to maneuver around the subject attempting to figure why she is the way she is..

Instead of "maneuvering around the subject" did you bother or care enough to ask her why she is so fearful of marriage?

Frankly, she sounds like me!  My parents had what may have been the worst marriage ever known to mankind, and as a result, I have always had a tremendous fear of marriage. 

There were others reasons for my fears as well, and it had nothing to do with fear of closeness or intimacy, but more the institution of marriage itself.

You said she is extremely loving, caring, loyal, and could see herself dating you for the rest of her life. 

That, in and of itself IS a commitment, so her "phobia" is limited to the idea of being "married."

Talk to her.  Don't maneuver around the subject or try to figure it out,  ask her directly what her specific fears are relating to marriage.

My story?  My fiance asked me, we talked about it.  We had a few arguments but resolved, and grew closer as a result.

And we are getting married next spring. 😍

 

 

[DKT3]

On 12/22/2020 at 4:20 AM, dukoma79 said:

You might be right. But I think that a break-up should always have a core reason behind it. And in our case it doesn't. And I fear that it's only my overthinking brain that's leading me to weird conclusions. Thanks for your replies btw.

You have a core reason.  You want marriage she doesn't. 

My guess is she sensed that no marriage was a deal breaker for you and she has begun to distance herself.  

I believe commitment phobic people are more often someone who believes that there is something or someone better to come. Those type of people are risky no matter how strongly you feel or believe they feel.