My(31M) Wife(28F) has gone full Qanon and I don't know what to do.

[poissonbruler]

After months of my wife being absolutely glued to her phone (instagram, facebook) we got into a pretty heated arguement. This disolved into her spending hours explaining to me her newfound (as of 6 months ago) beliefs of how the world is going to go in the next few weeks.

I sat quietly and listened to all of her new beliefs, asking some questions specifically about the timeline and I believe we ended up somewhere to the effect of "if this doesn't all happen by Jan 20 you're going to drop this all together"

the delusions include:

• The USA as the focus point for a war between good and evil. -Literally god and devil.
• the evil side is obviously made up of a pedopheliac and canibalistic cabal
• all of the "media" is lying to us and actively trying to turn us away from "thr truth" - including right wing media.
• Donald trmp as the savior of the USA and the world, who is actively trying to compel the world leaders by force to follow him into the nirvana.
• some chosen world leaders including the pope and president elect are in fact dead and have been replaced by "clones without souls"
• There will be a large blackout (estimated Fri. 12/18) in which sitting US president will declare martial law, arrest all of the "evil players" and try them in a military tribunal.
• During the blackout a figure that the world believes to be dead (JFK jr. most likely) will broadcast himself to the world and help usher in the new world of peace.
• the current financial system will be burnt to the ground and replaced with a system where money will no longer be applicable or needed. all Debt will be gone.
• Martial law will sweep through the nation killing all of the evil.
• after unknown time in "the dark" we will come out on the other side into a world of peace and happiness for all.

So, she did agree to drop all of this when it inevitably doesn't come true. my main concern however is that she is literally 100% convinced that this is going to happen that she "cannot imagine a world it doesn't".

She still spends most of her waking hours "researching" and completely ignoring daily life tasks such as work. when a large financial problem came up with my sisters student loans that I'm cosigned for ($50k) she smiled and went back to her phone.

My thought is at once January 20 rolls around we enroll in therapy. but if anyone else has any constructive ideas I'm all ears. I have a feeling this will disolve into a divorce, but i'm trying my best to keep that away.

I cannot live with a partner who refuses to acknowledge the reality that's in front of them.

TL;DR - My wife has gone full Q and I don't know what to do short of a divorce.

[Wiseman2]

Anyone can get sucked into a destructive cult. Loneliness, boredom, friend affiliation, alluring internet and social media recruitment, sense of (false) power and belonging, need for esoteric  information (actually misinformation and disinformation, etc.

Read: Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan

[Emilie Jolie]

1 hour ago, poissonbruler said:

So, she did agree to drop all of this when it inevitably doesn't come true.

I think that's what you both need to focus on until Jan 20th. Then you'll need to readjust. Maybe all she needs is a feel-good distraction - what are your plans for this holiday?

I kind of relate to your wife a bit at the moment - not the Qanon thing, but the pandemic fever that has meant being online far more than one should. It's not healthy. I feel like this has impaired my own judgement on some things too, I trust myself less, I've left actual work by the wayside, it's affected the way I deal with in person people in my actual life, my moods, how I spend my time, etc.

How has your wife been feeling in herself these last few months? Has she been affected by the current situation?

[pepperbird2]

this is just my opinion, bu a lot of people are afraid right now, and many seem to feel like they have lost control over aspects of their lives. People seem to be getting a lot more short tempered and willing to follow whoever promises them some sort of "safety".

Could this apply to your wife?
 

[mark clemson]

Take a look at some of the suggestions here:

https://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-55350794

[HadMeOverABarrel]

Seriously dude? You're ready to end your marriage over this? Where is your commitment? What will you do if your marriage (to her or anyone) faces an actual crisis (like death of a close family member or serious illness)? You'll just throw your hands up and say time to divorce?

Your wife is just going through some fantasy period. Times are strange and unsettling for lots of folks. She'll get past it...and maybe someday you'll have a laugh about it. Don't tell her you were ready to ditch her over something so silly though. If I were your wife, I'd think about ditching you if I heard that. You seem not very committed to your marriage.

I will put myself out there to make my point...when Biden got elected, I liquidated my stock positions. My concerns have not come to fruition. Also, a few months ago I got caught up watching so many prepper videos on youtube that I actually stocked up a bit on canned foods. Normally I don't buy canned or processed foods. Does that make me Qanon? Nah.

Someone who wants to end their marriage when their spouse gets caught up in some propaganda fantasies might be though. 

(Note> I'm subbing the word Qanon for crazy.)

Edited December 27, 2020 by HadMeOverABarrel
Clarification on qanon

[ExpatInItaly]

Has you wife ever suffered from mental health issues, OP?

I would be very concerned that her all-consuming delusions are indicators of something much deeper going on, that have little do with the specific delusions themselves. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

On 12/22/2020 at 10:29 AM, poissonbruler said:

After months of my wife being absolutely glued to her phone (instagram, facebook) we got into a pretty heated arguement. This disolved into her spending hours explaining to me her newfound (as of 6 months ago) beliefs of how the world is going to go in the next few weeks.

I sat quietly and listened to all of her new beliefs, asking some questions specifically about the timeline and I believe we ended up somewhere to the effect of "if this doesn't all happen by Jan 20 you're going to drop this all together"

the delusions include:

• The USA as the focus point for a war between good and evil. -Literally god and devil.
• the evil side is obviously made up of a pedopheliac and canibalistic cabal
• all of the "media" is lying to us and actively trying to turn us away from "thr truth" - including right wing media.
• Donald trmp as the savior of the USA and the world, who is actively trying to compel the world leaders by force to follow him into the nirvana.
• some chosen world leaders including the pope and president elect are in fact dead and have been replaced by "clones without souls"
• There will be a large blackout (estimated Fri. 12/18) in which sitting US president will declare martial law, arrest all of the "evil players" and try them in a military tribunal.
• During the blackout a figure that the world believes to be dead (JFK jr. most likely) will broadcast himself to the world and help usher in the new world of peace.
• the current financial system will be burnt to the ground and replaced with a system where money will no longer be applicable or needed. all Debt will be gone.
• Martial law will sweep through the nation killing all of the evil.
• after unknown time in "the dark" we will come out on the other side into a world of peace and happiness for all.

So, she did agree to drop all of this when it inevitably doesn't come true. my main concern however is that she is literally 100% convinced that this is going to happen that she "cannot imagine a world it doesn't".

She still spends most of her waking hours "researching" and completely ignoring daily life tasks such as work. when a large financial problem came up with my sisters student loans that I'm cosigned for ($50k) she smiled and went back to her phone.

My thought is at once January 20 rolls around we enroll in therapy. but if anyone else has any constructive ideas I'm all ears. I have a feeling this will disolve into a divorce, but i'm trying my best to keep that away.

I cannot live with a partner who refuses to acknowledge the reality that's in front of them.

TL;DR - My wife has gone full Q and I don't know what to do short of a divorce.

Wow, did you not take your marriage vows seriously? 

[trident_2020]

1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Wow, did you not take your marriage vows seriously? 

Most people don't take their marriage vows seriously. Welcome to the real world.

[central]

1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

Wow, did you not take your marriage vows seriously? 

Well, I couldn't stay with someone who became a racist bigot subscribing to discredited conspiracy theories.  That's almost as bad as saying vows Trump pedophilia.

[Miss Spider]

Reason #5394294 not to legally bind yourself to someone for life : They may turn into a religious fanatic

[lana-banana]

First of all: I am so sorry. Please ignore the rude or dismissive comments. Qanon is a dangerous and sometimes violent cult; it's not like an MLM scheme. There is a subreddit, Qanon Casualties, for people in your position. You may find some help there.

Would she be amenable to therapy? That could also really help. If not, try to approach it from a position of deep love and extreme concern: you're worried that she believes things that aren't true. She can't prove any of these things are real, while there is lots of evidence to the contrary. Is she open to entertaining the possibility that some of it may be false? If you can get her to accept one thing is wrong, it might help, but some people become so defensive that challenging them is worse.

You can't control what she sees but you can control what you see together. You can watch local news or share real newspaper articles that explain the truth behind what she's looking at. Try to keep her engaged and away from her "sources". Binge watching the entirety of Friends together will be better for her than 2 minutes of Qanon.

Whatever you do, don't be hurtful or make her feel belittled. Always point your frustration or contempt at the conspiracy, not her. And be as loving and caring as possible. 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm sure it's no consolation but you truly are not alone.

[Taramere]

On 12/22/2020 at 4:29 PM, poissonbruler said:

So, she did agree to drop all of this when it inevitably doesn't come true. my main concern however is that she is literally 100% convinced that this is going to happen that she "cannot imagine a world it doesn't".

She still spends most of her waking hours "researching" and completely ignoring daily life tasks such as work. when a large financial problem came up with my sisters student loans that I'm cosigned for ($50k) she smiled and went back to her phone.

 

It sounds as though conspiracy theories have become an addiction for her.    "If it doesn't all happen by 20th January, then you drop this" is a rational response, but the problem is that rational thinking doesn't tend to be enough to pull people out of addictive behaviour.  There's some discussion in the linked article below about why conspiracy theories offer a tempting pastime for people when they're feeling anxious (not forgetting that over the past few years there has been a lot of validation out there, from powerful sources, for people who go down the conspiracy theorising route. 

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/0963721417718261

It's probably quadruply comforting for people when there's such a strong social element to conspiracy theorising as there has been in recent years.  We can pinpoint various events as the trigger for conspiracy theorising having become such a popular pastime, but really....the existence of the internet has got to be the number one trigger for it.  Where else is your wife getting all her fuel to keep this behaviour going?

Edited December 28, 2020 by Taramere

[GeorgiaPeach1]

On 12/27/2020 at 3:49 PM, trident_2020 said:

Most people don't take their marriage vows seriously. Welcome to the real world.

You know most people?

[trident_2020]

5 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

You know most people?

I know the divorce rate statistics 

[Clockwork]

I am not sure how deep she is into this, but nothing you end your marriage over. But here is the thing, when you realize that the mainstream media has lied to you since the days of Walter Cronkite, it feels like betrayal. Most people still think the mainstream media tells them the "news" but they don't, they are the most dishonest bunch of ones out there and there are people like myself who knew this a long time before Trump popularized it. Heck, George Carlin used to build his comedy acts around stuff like this and he died in 2008. So it wouldn't hurt to look at alternatives of what you think you have been told as the truth. I am telling you, people who live regular lives do this sort of thing. I know them. 

[mark clemson]

It would be for sometime to end my marriage over for me, if she was unwilling to see she was duped and let this go or unable to overcome her deluded belief system with more rational beliefs.

OP, if you are still around, how DID she react to finding out all these predictions were lies and nonsense and those who subscribe to them are essentially a bunch of deranged fools and weirdos (which become eminently clear on Jan 6th)?