He has an unhealthy obsession with me

[Angel29]

A few years ago I joined a walked group. There is a guy there who has developed an unhealthy obsession with me. I have never had any romantic interest in him whatsover. Over time I have felt more suffocated from his level of contact. He would send memes and links daily and message me every other day. It got worse when he knew I was on holiday as he would ask everyday how my holiday was going. It isn't a holiday if I am being interrupted. One time he accidentally sent me someone's home made p*rn video, I didn't want to see that.

The other day my emotions took over so I blocked him on social media. I left the 2 walking groups he was part of, I only ever went to the one. He text me the next day to say he noticed I had gone off social media. I messaged him back a day and a half later and told him how his behaviour was obsessive and I hate being sent irrelevant memes and links. I said never to send offensive p*rn videos again. I told him never to send me intrusive political views agin as I would not change my mind. It was clear we had different political views and I never try and inflict people to change as that is who they are.

He apologised for his behaviour and sending the offensive video. He asked if we could still be friends, I made amends as I hate fallouts. A few days later he sent me a picture of a bird which was colourful. A message or two later he said the bird was pretty like me. Why is he still trying to pursue me? Can he not recognise I am not interested in him romantically? I feel he has low self esteem as I was blunt when I told him about his behaviour and yet he is still interested.

I will not be going back to the walk group again as I won't feel comfortable and if I was to meet someone else he would be watching and interfere. Do I need to outright tell him nothing romantic will ever happen?

[stillafool]

28 minutes ago, Angel29 said:

Do I need to outright tell him nothing romantic will ever happen?

I think you're already made that clear.  Now is the time to block him from contacting you.  Be done.

[Foxhall]

 

2 hours ago, Angel29 said:

A few days later he sent me a picture of a bird which was colourful. A message or two later he said the bird was pretty like me. Why is he still trying to pursue me? Can he not recognise I am not interested in him

when a man has his heart set on a woman its hard to put him off!!

if you continue to ignore him he'll probably back off after another year or so.

[Wiseman2]

Why let a stalker harass you?

Don't "be friends" . Send him one last message telling him to cease and desist then block and delete him.

Make sure you delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

If it persists take a record of the unwanted contact to the police and get a restraining order 

It's not flattering. Stalkers are unhinged and you need to be more serious about protecting yourself. He's probably harassing and stalking a bunch of women.

 

[stillafool]

25 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

He's probably harassing and stalking a bunch of women.

They usually are doing this to a bunch of women.  Most know to block and get rid of these guys right away.  Some are flattered by it.

[MJJean]

16 hours ago, Angel29 said:

 Why is he still trying to pursue me? Can he not recognise I am not interested in him romantically? I feel he has low self esteem as I was blunt when I told him about his behaviour and yet he is still interested.

You sent mixed messages. You blocked him, told him he was being inappropriate, and yet resumed contact. He likely thinks you're playing hard to get and that he just needs to change tactics, stop sending porn, and send pretty birds instead. This guy isn't going to get it until you totally cease contact.

[BaileyB]

I agree. Nobody likes to do this, but if he makes you uncomfortable you need to end all contact. Anything less will only encourage him to continue. 

[ShyViolet]

It was a mistake for you to say "yes" when he asked if you could still be friends.  Don't ever feel obligated to stay friends with someone just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings. This is a situation where you have to do what is best for YOU.  You need to let him know that you will NOT be speaking to him anymore, and then block him.  You don't need people like this in your life.  Boundaries are very important.

[amygirl908]

This sounds eerily like a guy I used to know many years ago. 

It will not get better. The guy I mentioned still reaches out to me even though I have since moved to the other side of the country, blocked him on all platforms etc. I let it go on for a lot longer than necessary after I started becoming uncomfortable. Please don't do that to yourself.

Get out of this ASAP.

[Miss Spider]

Just block him everywhere. Your encouraging behavior by keeping in contact with him or leaving open channels of communication. Also, tell the organizer of the group , just in case he tries this with someone else 
 

[Watercolors]

On 12/22/2020 at 3:03 PM, Angel29 said:

I made amends as I hate fallouts.

That was a huge mistake. Stalkers are mentally insane. You think you established a boundary with this stalker but you didn't. All you did was give him mixed messages because you are too afraid to set up real clear boundaries with people.

You can file a restraining order against him, but that will likely egg him on.
 

8 hours ago, MJJean said:

You sent mixed messages. You blocked him, told him he was being inappropriate, and yet resumed contact. He likely thinks you're playing hard to get and that he just needs to change tactics, stop sending porn, and send pretty birds instead. This guy isn't going to get it until you totally cease contact.

Agree with MJJean. This guy thinks you still like him b/c you agreed to remain friends with him.

You need to learn from this experience that just because you want to appear pleasing on the surface to everyone, that doesn't mean it's the appropriate response in every situation. In this situation, you should have cut off all contact with him IMMEDIATELY and told him the TRUTH.

You need to stop deluding yourself here. He is not a mentally healthy, stable person. He will not leave you alone as long as you continue to stay in contact with him online.

Either block and delete him, or continue to be stalked by him.

[Angel29]

He wants to video call on Boxing Day even though he has only done this with family on Christmas Day and no close friends. I don’t want to video call as I am seeing my Grandad and suffering from migraines at the moment.

[Emilie Jolie]

24 minutes ago, Angel29 said:

He wants to video call on Boxing Day even though he has only done this with family on Christmas Day and no close friends. I don’t want to video call as I am seeing my Grandad and suffering from migraines at the moment.

Are you still in contact with him? If so, he might still think he has a chance with you. Don't entertain this - ignore his request and move on.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Angel29 said:

He wants to video call on Boxing Day even though he has only done this with family on Christmas Day and no close friends. I don’t want to video call as I am seeing my Grandad and suffering from migraines at the moment.

Just stop trying to be his friend and delete and block him.

Either he's an "obsessed" nuisance or you are flattered and stringing him along.

 

[MJJean]

18 hours ago, Angel29 said:

He wants to video call on Boxing Day even though he has only done this with family on Christmas Day and no close friends. I don’t want to video call as I am seeing my Grandad and suffering from migraines at the moment.

No is a complete sentence. Tell him no and then simply block him. Why are you even entertaining this mentally unstable person? What are you getting that you want to keep him in your life in any way?