theRainIsOnFire Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 "These will be direct quotes, with [this] for modifications to fix grammar or respect privacy." We're both in our early twenties. She's been in a relationship since before we met (in an online community). Around a week after we started talking regularly, she asked if I was in a relationship (I was/am not and never have been). I think she only asked so she could mention she had a boyfriend without coming off as rude or assumptive. She used to tell me about her relationship struggles but toned it down after I said it made me uncomfortable. Neither the guy nor the girl is toxic; it's mostly circumstantial. I can go into details in private if this site has direct messaging. For a while, she didn't have much confidence in herself so I told her she's a gem in both looks and personality (not as flirting, but also not lying). I've joked about things I've said in the moment being potentially creepy (such as saying "[she's] the only thing on my mind right now" when she asked if I wanted to vent about anything in the middle her panic attack), to which she'd say "it's not creepy, it's sweet". When her relative died of COVID, she texted me distraught saying she didn't know who else to turn to. She's told me things she says she's only told her boyfriend, or would rather people not know about, and had me promise her multiple times to not tell anyone (nothing scandalous or illegal). I open up to her as well and we know a lot of each others' insecurities. While we were texting the other day, she sent a short video of herself making faces in the tub (only the shoulders up). The first time she told me she was texting me mid-bath, she jokingly asked if it was too much info, to which I replied I was a bit turned on. Not the smartest response, I know, but then again my brain had left the building. We didn't do anything. That video was the third or fourth time over these few months; it was, however, the first time she "told" me visually. She said I am "literally the only person [she] can honestly tell how [she's] feeling", everything about our dynamic "means the world", and she's "become much more [comfortable with herself] since [she] met [me]". When she implied thinking I was merely putting up with her, I responded "I enjoy spending time with [her], doesn't matter what we're doing." She's since then become more excited when we talk. I think she's just being comfortable and friendly but I don't have enough social experience to know what's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 22, 2020 Share Posted December 22, 2020 Is this someone who you have met in real life? Or is it all online? Link to post Share on other sites
Author theRainIsOnFire Posted December 22, 2020 Author Share Posted December 22, 2020 7 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Is this someone who you have met in real life? Or is it all online? It's all online Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 I think she is getting caught up in this fantasy of you, a person who she's never actually met in person, and you are doing the same thing. This is a way for her to emotionally cheat on her boyfriend without actually physically cheating, a way for her to have her cake and eat it too. I'm not sure what your endgame is here. She is someone who you've never actually met in person, and who is not available. Why don't you stop getting your emotions toyed with and actually meet someone who is available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theRainIsOnFire Posted December 23, 2020 Author Share Posted December 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I think she is getting caught up in this fantasy of you, a person who she's never actually met in person, and you are doing the same thing. This is a way for her to emotionally cheat on her boyfriend without actually physically cheating, a way for her to have her cake and eat it too. I'm not sure what your endgame is here. She is someone who you've never actually met in person, and who is not available. Why don't you stop getting your emotions toyed with and actually meet someone who is available. She has dated people online before, even in other countries. And I actually am getting involved with another girl but so far all that's there is a sexual connection. We can't keep a normal conversation to save a life. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 13 hours ago, theRainIsOnFire said: It's all online Be mindful of scams, catfishing and getting so lonely that you get caught up in this type of thing. Even with covid, it's better to talk to local real people and meet up when possible. People who seek out online only situations are people you should be very weary of. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 Mmmm I dunnooo. Feels like friend zoned stuff to me. cyber cuddle b$%^& maybe. But hey nothing is stopping you from having fun with it, and with other girls at the same time. Who's gonna know? And there is no telling whom she's also hanging with on line, being all flirty with. Never expect anyone to be 100% true to you being online. It's a free for all. She has a bf, and she's chatting up a storm with you. That should tell you there is no commitment with anyone, even you. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 15 hours ago, theRainIsOnFire said: We can't keep a normal conversation to save a life. I'm not sure I understand this "online relationship." If you can't have a normal conversation then what are you even doing? When you have an "online friend" isn't conversation kind of all there is? Talking to each other virtually? This whole thing sounds like a waste of time. Why don't you get yourself on an online dating app and find someone LOCAL to pursue an actual dating relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 She is using you to make herself feel better. You are not "real". You are somebody she passes the time with because you are safe. She can flirt & be a bit risque (the pictures from the bath) without consequences. You are totally friend-zoned here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theRainIsOnFire Posted December 23, 2020 Author Share Posted December 23, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, ShyViolet said: I'm not sure I understand this "online relationship." If you can't have a normal conversation then what are you even doing? When you have an "online friend" isn't conversation kind of all there is? Talking to each other virtually? This whole thing sounds like a waste of time. Why don't you get yourself on an online dating app and find someone LOCAL to pursue an actual dating relationship with. "And I actually am getting involved with another girl but so far all that's there is a sexual connection. We can't keep a normal conversation to save a life." The girl I'm talking about in this reply is a LOCAL girl, not the same girl this post is about. Also, nowhere in the post did I say I wanted to get with the online girl. I simply asked if anyone could read her intentions. Edited December 23, 2020 by theRainIsOnFire more info Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted December 23, 2020 Share Posted December 23, 2020 You're reading too much into it. She's just bored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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