thomsketchum89 Posted December 24, 2020 Share Posted December 24, 2020 I am struggling with something here. And need some nuetral perspective on things. So I'll try and make this short as possible. I started seeing a girl and we got into a relationship, She is a single mother and things got serious with us. Thing is she was still using dating sites like tinder, plenty of fish and hinge. When I stated how uncomfortable with this I would usually get replies like "I just like conversation" or "I work nights and like talking to people at like 4am when everyone else is asleep". Fast forward I managed to look past this and make a real go of things. Spent alot of time with her and her child and planned a life together. Alongside the dating sites she was using fetlife. She was giving her number out to a few random people from all these different sites, One day she told me about this guy who she had been talking to from fetlife. From my understanding she wasnt attracted to this guy but he had sent a unsolicited "dick pick." I explained I wasnt comfortable with this and I foresee something happening that will effect out relationship. Fast forward a few weeks. I know I was in the wrong for this but we had been arguing alot and not sleeping together as frequently as usual. I saw a message pop up whilst she was asleep from the guy from fetlife. I opened it up. There was alot of talk about fetish stuff etc etc also a few pictures that shed sent of her face (not nude but you could tell she had no top or bra on) nothing too explicit In the language but she had stated "I'm horny". Needless to say I woke her up confronted her and ended up calling things off. 6 months later.... We met up again and tried to make things work. In my absence. She had had a string of encounters with fetlife/dating site guys. Some she had met and some she had just giving her number to. I guess what I want to know is. Am i being "Gas lighted"? Because any time i ask "why do you still have these guys numbers in your contacts" it's being met with defensiveness and I am being told I have nothing to worry about and she just doesn't delete things and is a bit of a hoarder. I love this girl and want to spend my life with her but I feel like this has been and maybe always will be a hurdle. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 24, 2020 Share Posted December 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, thomsketchum89 said: . She had had a string of encounters with fetlife/dating site guys. Sorry this is happening. She's not GF/relationship material if you are looking for a monogamous relationship. Make sure you see a physician for STD testing. Many men can be asymptomatic. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thomsketchum89 Posted December 24, 2020 Author Share Posted December 24, 2020 I appreciate the advice I regularly get tested. She is a very intelligent person and articulates herself in a way that maybe I am being unreasonable and invasive of her privacy (which I understand I was when going through her phone) what I cant understand is that when she says she wants to be with me and be monogamous but keeps these guys numbers? I feel like they are just on the back burner for if we ever break up again. I am at a time in my life where I want to be able to trust my partner and I think she is failing to understand how this effecting me as she feels like "shes on trial l" always. At this point I dont know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted December 24, 2020 Share Posted December 24, 2020 Never get involved with a cheater 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 24, 2020 Share Posted December 24, 2020 Yes you are being gaslighted. One man will never be enough for her. She thrives on the attention from all these other guys. She is not as serious about you as you are about her. She will never commit exclusively to you alone. So if you are not OK with these guys always being there, get a new GF 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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