All she said was, I don't want to know.

[Cersei]

I am curious.  What religion is this? I have never heard of her kind of beliefs before and do want to learn more. 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, bricklayer said:

 I will be shopping for a small house for myself. So, it looks as if I'm going to have two worlds, one world my wife knows about, and one world she doesn't want to know about. 

Is this cheaper or more acceptable than divorce? You seem to have the green light to keep a mistress, but keep in mind, your deception will have to go both ways. 

Whatever mistress you plan to install in your west coast place will eventually find out you're married.

It's naive to think this double life is a better solution than divorce.

[elaine567]

11 hours ago, bricklayer said:

. Last night, I told her that I don't resent her or love her less just because she doesn't want to have sex. I also told her that I do want to have sex and that I would be "making my own arrangements". All she said was, "I don't want to know."

You need to make very certain that she is really  giving you the green light. 
 A throwaway remark like "I don't want to know" is not good enough to assume she will be OK with you spending marital money setting up a love/sex nest elsewhere and living a double life... "I don't want to know" may have meant she was finished discussing it, ie "It is stupid idea, I don't want to hear any more about it", NOT that she agreed.
You are living in fantasy land, obsessed with your need for sex. 
Even if she is just there for the assets which I very much doubt (that is just your biased spin on it), she is NOT going to agree to you splitting assets  for you to go live elsewhere... Get real.
We have heard this story before many times. A man in a sexless marriage, saying to his wife he will go get it elsewhere and she says "Go on then", as a throwaway remark. He takes her at her word and finds that is NOT what she meant at all and his world just got even worse...
This needs to be discussed thoroughly in detail with your wife, before you do anything.
 

[bricklayer]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this cheaper or more acceptable than divorce? You seem to have the green light to keep a mistress, but keep in mind, your deception will have to go both ways. 

Whatever mistress you plan to install in your west coast place will eventually find out you're married.

It's naive to think this double life is a better solution than divorce.

 

I'm trying to do some research about who not to get ripped off by call girls. Any tips? There seem to be plenty in the city I'll be in.

 

[bricklayer]

On 11/17/2020 at 10:42 PM, basil67 said:

Does your wife know how you feel?

Yes. I told her how I feel. I told her that It was like an appetite that wouldn't go away. Indeed, it grew everyday.  I told her that I don't blame her; I wouldn't want to suck dick either. I wouldn't want to get f***ed by a man. I wouldn't want to do any of the things that I want a woman to do with me. I told her that I don't blame her; I feel the same way about sex with men. I went on to explain to her that it was, at least, half my fault. My friends tell me that their wives aren't all that into to it anymore either, but they just guilt them into it.  I'm not a normal man in that way.  To me, no means no,. Maybe means know, and yes means know if she hesitates.  I'm whatever the opposite of a rapist is. I can't imagine a more horrifying situation than being in the middle of sex and realizing that she doesn't want to be there, and that I am, by guilt or some other form of coercion are the cause of the nightmare.

How does one find a good call girl, in a strange city?  How does one keep from being blackmailed?  Should I bring a throwaway phone? Any advice?

[bricklayer]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

You need to make very certain that she is really  giving you the green light. 
 A throwaway remark like "I don't want to know" is not good enough to assume she will be OK with you spending marital money setting up a love/sex nest elsewhere and living a double life... "I don't want to know" may have meant she was finished discussing it, ie "It is stupid idea, I don't want to hear any more about it", NOT that she agreed.
You are living in fantasy land, obsessed with your need for sex. 
Even if she is just there for the assets which I very much doubt (that is just your biased spin on it), she is NOT going to agree to you splitting assets  for you to go live elsewhere... Get real.
We have heard this story before many times. A man in a sexless marriage, saying to his wife he will go get it elsewhere and she says "Go on then", as a throwaway remark. He takes her at her word and finds that is NOT what she meant at all and his world just got even worse...
This needs to be discussed thoroughly in detail with your wife, before you do anything.
 

My need for sex is not a fantasy. It's been almost 13 years. That appetited does not subside; it accumulates. 

[Wiseman2]

27 minutes ago, bricklayer said:

I'm trying to do some research about who not to get ripped off by call girls. 

So escort services is your solution?

Interesting. Anytime a thread starts off with  "no sex, very unhappy but can't get divorced", it seems to end up in this place.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, bricklayer said:

My need for sex is not a fantasy. It's been almost 13 years. That appetited does not subside; it accumulates. 

Who said it did? But that was not my point.
YOU heard what you wanted to hear from your wife, and you are going to use this throwaway remark of hers to justify cheating basically...
Throwaway remarks are not permission.

[central]

How can you be blackmailed by an escort ?  Not that it's likely, IMO.  Your wife doesn't seem to care, but if something slips out, I wouldn't worry about it given the way she's treated you for so long.  You can avoid her knowing, but there is no guarantee she won't know.  She'll know even if you seem a little happier in general.

Anyway, I know nothing about finding an escort, but I think if they are in the yellow pages, they have to be very discreet to stay in business.

[MsJayne]

My advice is go on to a reputable date site, explain your situation clearly so that any woman approaching you knows the score as far as relationship limits, and go from there. I don't feel that you owe your wife anything other than security in her old age, and that's only because you have children and grandchildren. It's great that you're going to have a place of your own, it means you can have two separate lives, and you needn't feel any guilt because most men wouldn't tolerate a sex ban for 13 months let alone 13 years. The only problem that may arise is that you become attached to a girlfriend and end up wanting to spend all of your time with her. 

[Millennial]

On 11/17/2020 at 3:07 AM, bricklayer said:

what would you do?

                  

I would dump her.

On 11/17/2020 at 3:07 AM, bricklayer said:

Where would you start?

                  

Well, I don't see why other people seem to have a big deal with prostitution. I don't even see any logical arguments against.

Find an honest escort? Go through an agency or much better to go to a brothel. Have a drink and talk to the girls. Don't go with some randoms out of the pages of a magazine or something or you will get random.

Really straightforward. That's sort of the appeal.

On 11/17/2020 at 3:07 AM, bricklayer said:

 

How would you protect those who would be hurt?

                  

I'd just be honest that it didn't work out.

[Wiseman2]

28 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

My advice is go on to a reputable date site

Or disreputable such as sites for married people/cheaters, such as Ashley Madison.

[MsJayne]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Or disreputable such as sites for married people/cheaters, such as Ashley Madison.

When I say reputable, I mean ones where there aren't women soliciting on there, or aren't full of scammers.  Personally I think Ashley Madison would have some of the most disreputable women/scammers on the planet, it even sounds like an escort agency, one that connects money-hungry university students with gropey old men who have big wallets and yellow teeth.  At least on, eg, Elite Singles, or any other site where members are reasonably vetted, OP could be upfront about his situation and what he's offering. There's plenty of middle-aged women who only want companionship and would accept the status quo of being in that type of relationship. 

[Millennial]

He's just a normal guy - a bricklayer. He's not Hunter Biden. He's not going to get blackmailed and scammed or whatever else. Don't know what scare stories he's been hearing.

When a guy just wants sex, the priority isn't really "being up front with his complicated marriage situation and finding a middle-aged woman who will accept it".

He'll be completely fine. Just don't do independent girls. Go to a professional brothel or agency.

[LynneVicious]

Bricklayer, you are not answering the question of: why don’t you just get divorced??! 13 years??? That is considered marital abandonment in any court of law. Divorce. Be free. 

[bricklayer]

1 hour ago, LynneVicious said:

Bricklayer, you are not answering the question of: why don’t you just get divorced??! 13 years??? That is considered marital abandonment in any court of law. Divorce. Be free. 

Our marriage involves so much more than our relationship. It involves our son's and daughters' relationships, our grandchildren, our home, our business, our friends ...

I'm sorry. I tried, I really did, but Papa needs some.

[FMW]

When I had reached the end of my rope with my 23 year marriage, I went through a kind of bargaining stage (with myself) and actually had a conversation with my then husband about possibilities to stay married but live mostly separate lives.  I was very clear with him about that meaning he could continue his infidelities as long as he was discreet.

Looking back that was just crazy and I can't believe it ever even crossed my mind, but it can be difficult to end a long term partnership with all that entails, so I understand somewhat where you're coming from.  But the thing is you need to be very clear that the two of you are on the same page with this.  Yes, it sounds like she's giving you the go-ahead, but you need to be sure.  Yes, it's incredibly awkward to have a conversation like that, but if you are serious about wanting to try to stay married but do your own thing, make sure you are both clear on the agreement.  Otherwise it can really blow up in your face.  

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, MsJayne said:

When I say reputable, I mean ones where there aren't women soliciting on there, 

😂 No "reputable" site caters to married people dating 

A married guy looking for sex, has to shop in the right cesspool.🚽

Scammers are the ones on normal dating sites who are actually married. This is part of what makes OLD a nightmare for decent people.😱

His idea of an escort is much better.💃

Edited December 26, 2020 by Wiseman2

[elaine567]

15 hours ago, MsJayne said:

There's plenty of middle-aged women who only want companionship and would accept the status quo of being in that type of relationship. 

I am sure many older women would like the companionship but the sex and the wife in tow is another matter...
Many  OW want "more", they get involved with a married guy with the intention of ousting the wife, not with the intention of providing sex for a guy in a sexless marriage.

[Happy Lemming]

On 12/25/2020 at 3:22 AM, bricklayer said:

I'm trying to do some research about who not to get ripped off by call girls.

Getting ripped off should be the least of your concerns.

Many years ago, I had a neighbor approach me. He got caught in a [Call Girl/Prostitution] "sting" by police.  Why he came over to me to ask for advice, I'll never know.  I told him to tell no one else (keep his mouth shut). I gave him the number of an attorney to assist him.

In the end, he got slapped with a fairly large fine, probation, community service and some type of classes.  Oh... and a nice bill from the attorney.  He did avoid "jail time", but just barely.

[central]

13 hours ago, bricklayer said:

Our marriage involves so much more than our relationship. It involves our son's and daughters' relationships, our grandchildren, our home, our business, our friends ...

I'm sorry. I tried, I really did, but Papa needs some.

This is BS, IMO.  You cite these relationships, yet are willing to essentially abandon them by moving to the west.  You can have these relationships even when divorced, though it may take more effort on your part.  I suppose you could take several vacations a year to find a legal escort (in some parts of Nevada, brothels are legal, for example), and o/w keep the status quo and actually be present for these relationships you say are so important.

[mark clemson]

From everything I understand, prostitution is a nasty business. If you're seriously considering escorts at least move to Nevada where it's legal and regulated. Seriously why would you even want to be a contributor to a situation for a person who's almost certainly psychologically scarred, is likely to be a drug addict, is almost certainly being coerced in one way or another - just not by you, and is reasonably likely to have been puking another guys semen out of her stomach an hour earlier. It just doesn't make any sense.

I strongly suggest you consider a sugar-daddy situation instead, so at least the situation is voluntary, legal, and the person is not likely to be a huge mess. Of course there are gold-diggers, but from what I understand there are also fairly normal women such as schoolteachers, etc. who sometimes do this sort of thing to make extra money/make ends meet. They are not necessarily realistically expecting yachts and constant exotic vacations, etc. So a nice dinner and a shopping date or similar might get you what you're looking for in an ultimately less destructive way. Something to think about.

Edited December 26, 2020 by mark clemson

[Alvi]

Can't believe I am actually writing this but how about you finding a woman who is in the same situation as you are? There must be plenty of women who are in a loveless, sexless marriages but for whatever reason DO NOT want to leave their husbands but would be OK with an occasional companionship. Don't think they would expect you to leave your wife or to change your life for them so that might be an option to look into. Don't think they would be expecting any expensive gifts or money from you, just a companionship that they are lacking at home. You might post on some dating sites that you are looking for a woman who is lacking sex at home but is unwilling to leaver her husband. Or try posting on some private ads sites.

But I would think divorcing your wife first might be a better option. 

[basil67]

@Alvi I think this is a perfectly good solution.   Divorce is a very modern solution to an age old problem, and sometimes old solutions are still valid for age old problems.

[Millennial]

There seem to be some cultural things lost on me. Prostitution in some American states can apparently even be a one year prison sentence. I find that hilarious, and American attitudes on sex to be sometimes confusing. If one is easily shocked at prostitution, they may struggle with London nightlife for example (or even daylife!).

I think such things come down to how you want to live your life in general and are a reflection of generally going decades without sex, without pushing boundaries, without questioning life enough. So probably a lot to sort out.

Edited December 27, 2020 by Millennial