love a lot Posted June 17, 2001 Share Posted June 17, 2001 Hello there. I was married for 7 yrs and now after 2 yrs of being separated I have been in a relationship for about 6mths. We meet online and it has been awesome, however when we first met she told me that she enjoyed affection (and sex, not that that is the most important thing), but lately she has been very unaffectionate and it has started to bother me. She tells me that it is because of the medication she is on, which I totally understand, I did some research and she is now on a different med that is suppose to decrease the current side effects of the other med; she also says that it is because she does not feel good about herself and that she feels fat. I have told her that I care for her unconditionally and also showered her with poems and flowers since we met to let her know how I feel, but now she wants me to slow down a bit because she says it is just too much for her and that she is not planning on going anywhere so I do not have to try as hard anymore. I should also mention that we moved in together after only a couple months, after she asked me to. I thought it was a bit too soon but she did not. I care for her extremely and she makes me feel very good about myself and that I have her for a companion. I really believe that I love her, I think of her constantly, and she tells me that I make her feel like no other man has. I guess what I would like to ask is that, am I being too selfish in the way I want more affection? Is it because of the way she feels about herself? Or do I just want too much?I guess I am just feeling a bit down because I am not recieving the affection as much as I used to when we first met. I am not the typical guy that has does not have many emotions, sometimes I have way too many emotions and I feel that this may drive my new love away. Thanks for any advice you may be able to give me, I really appreciate it. Emotional Explode Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 17, 2001 Share Posted June 17, 2001 You are not being selfish in asking for what you want. But you are being highly irrational if you think you can change another person. There is no way of telling exactly why she has backed off. Certainly the meds could have something to do with it, her self esteem and feelings about being overweight could play into it most definitely but there are many other psychological and behavioral traits that can contribute as well to the problem. The purpose of dating is finding someone with whom we are ideally suited and with whom we feel reasonably comfortable in getting our needs met and helping to meet the needs of our partner. If this is a very major issue with you and you can't work it out, move on. If after a time she doesn't come around to your liking but you care enough about other aspects of the relationship to stay, hang in there and NEVER, EVER complain again. It's your call. Link to post Share on other sites
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