CindyLou1 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Hi all, I am new here. I am confused and need some advice. My ex and I have been broken up for 2 weeks. We broke up on good terms though, my decision. I broke up with him because he neglected me and the relationship. He is a mommy's boy and does a lot for his mother although she is perfectly fit and healthy and has two young babies to take care of, she basically gets him to run around after them after he is finished work. And the funny thing about this is.. she has a husband! A husband who does nothing all day but goes out to get drunk everyday and cheats. Anyway, I helped him with his two young brothers and became very close to the 5 year old who I adore so much. Then, he started a new job which takes up a lot of his time now. I started to feel used by his mother and even used by him because while I was juggling my own work, bills, and my own family, I was also helping him with his exams and his job and his brothers etc. I ended up very sick 5 weeks ago and my mental health took a strong impact because of it - I lost my job due to the pandemic and my boyfriend was so busy that he barely checked in on me while I was sick. After I got better I started to notice he became very lazy in the relationship we had and I decided I was going to take a backseat and not put in much effort as I needed to put myself first. I became very disappointed, and felt incredibly lonely each day that passed. I tried to talk to him about it on several occasions but he just would tell me he didn't want to argue, so I stopped trying to push it onto him until 2 weeks ago I decided to tell him I just wanted to be his friend and I tried giving him his ring back (promise ring). He became very mad and blocked me at first. Then a couple days later he unblocked me and we spoke, I guess we are now just friends and I feel like I am the only one grieving the relationship, like he seems okay to me and when he texts me he is short/cold. I'm not sure if I should be going no contact or what? Or if we will get back together.. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Sorry to hear that. You made the right decision ending it. Basically you dodged a bullet. Focus on your own friends and family and taking care of yourself mentally and physically. Next time don't overinvest this way. Keep things even and balanced. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 7 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said: I broke up with him because...… ….. I decided to tell him I just wanted to be his friend and..... ……. I guess we are now just friends and..... Ya, well..... You broke up with him and told him friends.... Isn't that what you wanted??? Or did you want something totally different that what you told him??? And how was he to know what you wanted when you said friends??? 7 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said: I feel like I am the only one grieving the relationship, like he seems okay to me and when he texts me he is short/cold. I'm not sure if I should be going no contact or what? You broke up with him, you are not happy that he is not grieving the relationship, you ended..... I think you might have done everything you can to make him feel miserable, it appears it was not enough.... I can not suggest doing anything different..... Maybe pick a man that is more receptive to your advances next time??? 7 hours ago, QueenBanrigh said: Or if we will get back together.. Why???? You broke up with him, (remember the reasons) has anything changed??? If "No", what would ever make you think things would turn out better for you? It didn't work, you were not happy, move on..... NEXT!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CindyLou1 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Caauug said: Ya, well..... You broke up with him and told him friends.... Isn't that what you wanted??? Or did you want something totally different that what you told him??? And how was he to know what you wanted when you said friends??? You broke up with him, you are not happy that he is not grieving the relationship, you ended..... I think you might have done everything you can to make him feel miserable, it appears it was not enough.... I can not suggest doing anything different..... Maybe pick a man that is more receptive to your advances next time??? Why???? You broke up with him, (remember the reasons) has anything changed??? If "No", what would ever make you think things would turn out better for you? It didn't work, you were not happy, move on..... NEXT!!! Just because I broke up with him doesn't mean I wasn't still in love with him. : ) I wanted to be with him, I still do, but I don't want to feel lonely in a relationship or where I know someone isn't putting in the effort they're capable of. your response was very rude. I did not make him miserable at all or try to. And I certainly did not come on here to be judged, perhaps next time you give advice be a little more kind with your words as you don't know the person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 He's not going to let you see him grieving, he'll want to seem cool and unaffected. But the fact that he blocked you, and now is short/cold with any communication shows you that he IS affected. If he was feeling fine about it all he wouldn't do those things. You broke up with him because he wasn't meeting your needs. It's unlikely he will change. You should not spend time and energy thinking you might get back together or staying in contact with him. You can't just be friends when you've still got more than just friendly feelings for him. Focus on yourself as @Wiseman2 suggested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CindyLou1 Posted December 26, 2020 Author Share Posted December 26, 2020 Yeah, that is true. I did think me leaving him would prompt him to change his behaviour even if just a little bit. Relationships usually are about compromising and meeting each other in the middle. I agree though, it is time to focus on myself and get myself back to being happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 A lot of people say let's be friends as a way to soften the blow of cutting off the relationship. Even if it's possible to be friends eventually, people typically need a period of time with no contact - a few months, 6 months, a year, whatever amount of time you need to grieve the loss and heal. I don't think it's good practice to try to be a guy's friend right after you break up with him. It's confusing and unclear for one or both people. I'm like you in that I'm very loving and give my all to a relationship. A good partner for you will recognize this and value it. A bad partner for you - like your ex - will not. You're doing the right thing conserving your love for those who truly value it. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 9 minutes ago, QueenBanrigh said: I did think me leaving him would prompt him to change his behaviour even if just a little bit. This happens sometimes, but it's very rare, probably less than 5% of cases. In most cases, people and the dynamics between them don't change much. It is what it is. So if you're not happy with what it is, best to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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