Getting involved with an MM is my biggest mistake

[VD01]

As what I said in my other threads, I didn’t know he was married when I fell for him but that doesn’t changed the fact that I kept my relationship with him even after finding out that he was married and I even kept it a secret from him. I thought as long as I am the only OW then everything will be fine. But I was wrong w cheater will always be a cheater.

I really regret falling for him. Before I fell for him, I was fine. Of course I was heart broken and wanted to be loved hence he became my escape from that pain until I fell for him.

Even when I was heart broken before it never made me feel this broken. I was able to live like normal and still do what I normally do, I never stalked that ex. My mind is all focused on my work and making myself better and happy.

But with MM it was different. It made me depressed and I did nothing but watched for the signs that he is talking to the new OW. I couldn’t work properly and I couldn’t find things to entertain myself and keep my mind out of him. I couldn’t enjoy anything. I do not know how to move on.

Before my involvement with MM, I have a life. I had hobbies... different hobbies, different things to do to entertain myself. I didn’t need a man. I didn’t beg for love. I was never desperate. The moment a relationship didn’t work out I only cry for few days or even a week and then get motivated to move on. I was happy meeting new people.

After I got involved with him, my hobbies slowly disappeared. My world revolves around him. I didn’t want to miss his messages. I only wait and wait for bis messages.

 I miss the old me. 

[Nats_16]

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I can completely sympathise with how you are feeling. I think the best thing is to create a new you, you are not the same person you were before you are someone new. So grieve the past version of yourself and create a stronger version of yourself ready to welcome a more deserving man who will love you as you want to be loved. We live and we learn that’s how we evolve, stay strong you will be just fine. Do not let this one mistake destroy your future.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, VD01 said:

 My world revolves around him. I didn’t want to miss his messages. I only wait and wait for bis messages.

 I miss the old me. 

Excellent. Now you can look forward to the new year and leave this mess behind you.

It's never too late to re-establish your connections to friends, family, hobbies, interests, taking classes, volunteering, making new friends and meeting new people.

A therapist may be able to help you examine what voids were in your life that allowed this to happen.

[anika99]

This Romeo and Juliet tragedy seems to be the theme of most affairs. The addiction, the desperation, the feeling of not existing unless you have the attention of your one true love. 

I can relate, not because I've had an affair but because I had a long term relationship with a personality disordered man and so experienced a lot of the same relationship traits that I have seen the OW post about. The push/pull, the highest highs and the lowest lows. The waiting and waiting on the guy to give me his full attention and wondering if this time by really be the time that he never comes back and if he comes back living with the constant anxiety that he's going to go AWOL again. You're old life fades away while you become hopelessly addicted to getting and keeping the attention of 1 unattainable man. 

First you have to realize that it's not even about this guy, it's about the affect this unhealthy relationship has had on the way your brain is wired. The intermittent reinforcement, the highs followed by the withdrawals, you have become addicted to this. It's not about him, it's about you, he could be anyone. You have to break the addiction and like most addictions cold turkey is the only way. Cut him off, go through the pain. There will be a lot of pain and it will linger for a long time, I won't sugar coat it. Force yourself to see your friends and practice your old hobbies even if your heart isn't in it and it isn't any fun. That feeling of emptiness might go on for months but it will eventually get better in very small increments. I know that sounds pretty dismal but it's better than staying where you're at because as long as you are waiting on him there is no hope of anything ever getting better even after years. 

 

[SMoore]

Yep, NC for five or six months should hopefully do the trick.  It’s utterly grim but you’ll live again.

[stillafool]

Rejection is hard especially for women.  Have you tried counseling yet?

[Pumaza]

You are responsibel.for what you know and could have know.

Once you knew, you shoulda end it.

Married people who mess around are no good.

Dont matter their sad story. They are not availble as long they married.Separeted, wife living om Mars, wife left,waiting the divorce to finalize....,allt hose stories dont matter.

Fact is : ITS A MARRIED MAN!

Means soon things get better in his marriage he will.leave you.He is using you meanwhile for his needs. Read the MM section here, all the stories are same! The MM alwayssss have some issues at home and some sad story to tell to fool you.🙄🤣😷👎🏽

And its always his partner fault.

The solution is easy.Accept the facts and block him.And start workingout and your hobbys.

Day by day it will get easier.And learn from this.Soon someone is not single,first sec you hear that ,cut him of!!

[Pumaza]

And if you still dont wanna leave him....Get mad at the fact that he lied to you and use you. Are you not mad he decieved you???? Use you ???And you allowing him when you knew he is married.

Get mad at that and use it as your strengt to cut him of.👍🏽

[VD01]

On 12/26/2020 at 5:04 PM, Nats_16 said:

So sorry to hear you are going through this. I can completely sympathise with how you are feeling. I think the best thing is to create a new you, you are not the same person you were before you are someone new. So grieve the past version of yourself and create a stronger version of yourself ready to welcome a more deserving man who will love you as you want to be loved. We live and we learn that’s how we evolve, stay strong you will be just fine. Do not let this one mistake destroy your future.

Thank you.

You are right. I need to find that new me again... it may be hard since I do not know where to start. I have made it a habit to check on his account and see whenever he talks to the new OW

 

[VD01]

12 hours ago, Pumaza said:

You are responsibel.for what you know and could have know.

Once you knew, you shoulda end it.

Married people who mess around are no good.

Dont matter their sad story. They are not availble as long they married.Separeted, wife living om Mars, wife left,waiting the divorce to finalize....,allt hose stories dont matter.

Fact is : ITS A MARRIED MAN!

Means soon things get better in his marriage he will.leave you.He is using you meanwhile for his needs. Read the MM section here, all the stories are same! The MM alwayssss have some issues at home and some sad story to tell to fool you.🙄🤣😷👎🏽

And its always his partner fault.

The solution is easy.Accept the facts and block him.And start workingout and your hobbys.

Day by day it will get easier.And learn from this.Soon someone is not single,first sec you hear that ,cut him of!!

Yes you are right it is my fault.

He never said anything bad about his wife though. He just said they divorced because he became extremely busy with his job and that made them grow apart but he said it was all his fault. She was constantly suspicious (like me) that’s the only bad thing he probably said about her.

 I am trying to move on. I haven’t been contacting him for a week now. He sent me gifts for Christmas but I never sent him a text to thank him or anything.

 I guess part of moving on is feeling motivated to start anew and then suddenly wanting to bombard him with messages. I hope I can find new hobbies to keep my mind off him.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, VD01 said:

. He sent me gifts for Christmas but I never sent him a text to thank him or anything

Keep in mind his wife and new mistresses got gifts too. So nothing special there.

If you want to move forward and start anew, first you'll have to let go, then you'll have to delete and block him....

Then you'll have to remind yourself of the truth that he's the girl-in-every-port type. Why be part of this creep's harem?

Focus on finding a decent local single guy of your own.