dismayed Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 (edited) I put a lot of effort into gifts for my girlfriend this Christmas. Admittedly, I went a bit overboard, but I happened to know there were a few things she wanted plus some others I thought up myself. I got her an iPad she had been wanting, airpod headphones, a diamond necklace, and a $500 gift card for a day spa/hotel (this was coordinated with her friends so they can arrange a getaway together). I had started thinking about gifts 6 weeks before Christmas and was so excited to give her these gifts. Her reaction to the gifts was pretty lackluster which surprised me. For the necklace, she said something like "oh it's simple, I like it". I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was a pretty expensive piece of jewelry and I guess I was hoping that her opening it would be a special moment, but it really wasn't. For her gift to me, she got me a pair of shoes. I like them just fine, but it was clear she left her gift buying to the last minute. Additionally, it doesn't really demonstrate any understanding of me in the sense that there's a lot of other things I'd prefer and would be more tailored to me. I find myself feeling resentful that I put so much effort into my gifts to her and she didn't do the same for her gifts to me and also that she didn't seem to appreciate the thought I put into her's. I don't want to let this fester and I don't want to walk around with resentment. How should I handle this? Just tell her more or less the same things I've shared here? Appreciate any advice. Edited December 26, 2020 by dismayed Fix Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 I think you did go overboard, to the tun of a couple thousand bucks. Did you two not discuss anything beforehand? Usually people have a general budget in mind, based either on discussion or history, so that such disparities don't happen and leave one person feeling unappreciated. Was this your first Christmas together? If nothing was discussed and there was no history to reference, I think you have to accept the responsibility for going overboard. I guess your incomes and budgets also matter. If you earn a lot more than she, and decide to go all out, you can't expect her to match your spending. And even if you both earn plenty, most people simply don't take it that far. If you communicate what you've said here you're going to come across as ungracious. I'd be interested to hear how your expectation managed to be so different than hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 38 minutes ago, dismayed said: . I got her an iPad she had been wanting, airpod headphones, a diamond necklace, and a $500 gift card for a day spa/hotel . Sorry this happened. How long have you been dating? How old is she? Unfortunately the gifts do seem a bit over-the-top. There's not much you can say to her because she didn't ask for any of this. Also if she tends to keep things simple like shoes as a gift, then balance that out a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 How long have you been together? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 She might be uncomfortable receiving such extravagant gifts when she spent significantly less on yours, OP. How long have you been dating? It seems you over-did it on the gifts, which may be a reflection of your investment in the relationship. Have you had any previous inklings that you’re more into this than she is? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It seems you over-did it on the gifts... 100% Agree... You went WAY over board. Too much!! Scale is back for Valentine's day... way back!! 1 hour ago, dismayed said: I find myself feeling resentful that I put so much effort into my gifts to her and she didn't do the same for her gifts to me and also that she didn't seem to appreciate the thought I put into her's. I don't want to let this fester and I don't want to walk around with resentment. How should I handle this? Just tell her more or less the same things I've shared here? Appreciate any advice. DO NOT tell her how you feel, all of your gift research and buying will be for nought. Let it go... you've learned a lesson here. Now move forward. Next year you'll know to do less. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 1 hour ago, dismayed said: I got her an iPad she had been wanting, airpod headphones, a diamond necklace, and a $500 gift card for a day spa/hotel (this was coordinated with her friends so they can arrange a getaway together) 'A bit overboard' is massively understating it. This is way too much, OP! There's thoughtful gift-giving (doesn't even need to be expensive at all) and there's trying too hard to impress. I'd have asked you to send some of these back! The problem is that you have set the bar now - better find a way to tell her it was a one-off oversplurge on your part as you got over-excited. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Agree. I would be very uncomfortable receiving those gifts - especially if the relationship is new. It seems your expectations - both in the giving and receiving of gifts - is a little too high... causing you to feel very let down. Maybe next time, keep your expectations a little more reasonable and you won’t be as disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 Your gifts smack of desperation. Gifts don't make relationships. Time and connection and intimacy and care and play make the relationship. I have never gotten a gift from someone and liked them more or loved them more. For the moment I appreciated the gift, but the reason I loved my parents and siblings and the reasons I'm close to my friends has zero to do with big gifts. Link to post Share on other sites
Narie Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 (edited) I guess she was shocked by how expensive your gifts were. Didn't know how to react cuz part of her was worried. Such a big expensive gift will make you worry about how to act with your lover since some people feel they will be expected to submit because of those expensive gifts. Based on your reaction and how it affects you.. it's kinda worrisome. I hope you are not one of those people who will eventually shoved to people face what they did for them or what they gave to them whenever you get angry or having problems. I have a friend who had a bf like that, giving her gifts and all and later on throw it on her face "I gave you these gifts but it still feels like" They expect them to act this way or react this way and get upset when the that person didn't act the way they expected them to be. Either she felt pressured or she had encountered people like those or she felt you may be that kind of person or all of them. Edited December 30, 2020 by Narie Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 This seems to be a reflection of your differing levels of investment into the relationship. Yes, you may have gone a bit overboard - but I've had boyfriends who were pretty extravagant for special occasions, and it wasn't weird because I was pretty extravagant with them as well. When the feelings are strong on both sides and you're both romantic and generous, this happens naturally. I'm sorry to say I don't think this bodes well for your relationship. I think you'd be better off with a woman who appreciates your open heart and generosity and has similar feelings for you. Relationships are a disaster when one person is a lot more invested than the other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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